Author Topic: Grandma not showing enough excitement at upcoming wedding?  (Read 16874 times)

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nuit93

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Grandma not showing enough excitement at upcoming wedding?
« on: September 14, 2012, 03:06:58 PM »
http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is annoyed with me because I'm not jumping up and down with joy over my grandson's forthcoming wedding. Yes, I am happy they're getting married, but how excited can I get? The two have been sexually involved since they met in high school four years ago. She was 16; he was 17.

For the past two years, he and his girlfriend have shared an apartment and lived as man and wife. The bride-to-be's parents are not exactly thrilled either at the expense of a white gown and a few hundred chicken dinners, hall and band. However, my daughter insists on it and wants everybody to get excited.

OK -- so I'm excited. Whoopee. -- GRANNY MAE

DEAR GRANNY MAE: You are focusing on the wrong thing. Your grandson and his fiancee care enough about each other to commit, in a public ceremony, to spending their lives together. That's a positive step that deserves to be celebrated.

Whether you or I approve of couples living together is beside the point. They are adults and it was their choice. Be happy that they are now tying the knot to bind themselves together in a more permanent union.


What do you think, E-Hellions?  Is the MOG being an SS in getting upset that Granny isn't excited enough, or is Granny being unreasonable?

Sharnita

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Re: Grandma not showing enough excitement at upcoming wedding?
« Reply #1 on: September 14, 2012, 03:09:59 PM »
I don't know that we actually know enough.  If grandma is actually voicing her disapproval of their living arrangements then MOG is within her rights.  If it is just that Grandma is not effusive then I don't think she can mandate that.

CakeBeret

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Re: Grandma not showing enough excitement at upcoming wedding?
« Reply #2 on: September 14, 2012, 03:10:57 PM »
Granny is entitled to her feelings, but she risks alienating the grandson, granddaughter-in-law, and any future children if she voices those feelings publicly. IMO she should put on a happy face and wish the HC well, regardless of her feelings on their morality.

I think Abby got it right for once.
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Surianne

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Re: Grandma not showing enough excitement at upcoming wedding?
« Reply #3 on: September 14, 2012, 03:15:37 PM »
I don't know that we actually know enough.  If grandma is actually voicing her disapproval of their living arrangements then MOG is within her rights.  If it is just that Grandma is not effusive then I don't think she can mandate that.

I agree.  If she's deliberately being unenthusiastic or making it clear that she's judging them, that's rude.

If she's just not asking about wedding details or getting overly thrilled at the conversation, well, weddings aren't everyone's thing.  It's not something that particularly excites me either.  The note about the granddaughter insisting on her parents paying for the wedding makes me think the granddaughter might be expecting an awful lot of excitement -- she sounds pretty bratty.

However, that too could be just through the grandma's eyes, if she is being judgemental.  Hard to say without more info from others involved.

Amava

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Re: Grandma not showing enough excitement at upcoming wedding?
« Reply #4 on: September 14, 2012, 03:16:50 PM »
I think granny is being a cynical, narrow-minded biddy - but I think mom is tilting at windmills, for you can't force anyone to be excited over a celebration.

It's not required to be excited about someone's wedding. But she could at least be respectful.

Having sex since highschool and living together for years does not make a wedding futile. The goal of  a wedding is not "official permission to have sex", a wedding is, like Abby pointed out, a way of binding themselves into a more permanent union. Get with the times, granny.  ::)

TootsNYC

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Re: Grandma not showing enough excitement at upcoming wedding?
« Reply #5 on: September 14, 2012, 03:20:07 PM »
I can imagine grandmas who would be quite happy and pleased about the wedding, but whose reaction to being pressure about how EXCITED they are would be, "what's the big deal?"

I think the MOG has been reading too many issues of Martha Stewart Weddings.

SuperMartianRobotGirl

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Re: Grandma not showing enough excitement at upcoming wedding?
« Reply #6 on: September 14, 2012, 03:25:21 PM »
Hmm if she just isn't literally getting excited, I wonder if anyone would say anything. I mean, just not asking a lot of questions is no big deal.

But if she's commenting on the wedding being a waste of money, like the language in her letter, then she's way way way wrong.

Sharnita

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Re: Grandma not showing enough excitement at upcoming wedding?
« Reply #7 on: September 14, 2012, 03:29:11 PM »
Hmm if she just isn't literally getting excited, I wonder if anyone would say anything. I mean, just not asking a lot of questions is no big deal.

But if she's commenting on the wedding being a waste of money, like the language in her letter, then she's way way way wrong.

Her daughter probably knows what her values are regarding cohabitation before marriage.  Noticing the lack of enthusiasm she could probably draw the line from Point A to Point B without her  mom vocalizing disapproval.

bah12

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Re: Grandma not showing enough excitement at upcoming wedding?
« Reply #8 on: September 14, 2012, 03:33:55 PM »
While I don't think the MOG should dictate to anyone how excited or not someone gets about her son's upcoming wedding, I think the LW(Grandma) is kind of insinuating that her "non-excitement" is punitive over her disapproval of how they've moved forward with their relationship up until now.  Her letter comes across as judgemental, so I can see if that attitude is seeping into her relationship with her grandson.  In that case, I'd agree that the MOG has a right to politely talk to her mother about how her actions are coming across and possibly affecting her son negatively at a time that should be about great joy and celebration.
« Last Edit: September 14, 2012, 03:48:49 PM by bah12 »

BeagleMommy

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Re: Grandma not showing enough excitement at upcoming wedding?
« Reply #9 on: September 14, 2012, 03:46:40 PM »
I sometimes think people confuse "happiness" and "excitement".  I'm sure Grandma is happy that her grandson and his intended are getting married regardless of how they started.  Perhaps MOG is excited to the point that all she talks of is the wedding.  That's a different feeling altogether.  If MOG assumes happiness is the giddy, jumping up and down feeling then she is probably disappointed.

Long way of saying I don't think there's enough info in Grandma's letter.

Sharnita

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Re: Grandma not showing enough excitement at upcoming wedding?
« Reply #10 on: September 14, 2012, 03:58:18 PM »
It does occur to me that maybe MOG wasn't actually thrilled that the couple was living together and is excited that they are "correcting the problem" and can't see why grandma doesn't feel the same way.

jmarvellous

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Re: Grandma not showing enough excitement at upcoming wedding?
« Reply #11 on: September 14, 2012, 04:04:21 PM »
To me, it seems like Grandma is mad that her grandson is getting married to solidify a relationship she's never approved of. She sounds like all she'll say to this couple their whole lives is stuff like, "Happy 10th anniversary. Too bad your relationship began in such sin!" "What a beautiful great-granddaughter I have, and I'm simply shocked you didn't give me an illegitimate one when you were 17, too!"

In other words, she's dwelling on the past she disapproves of rather than the joys of the present. I think she certainly doesn't have to be happy about the wedding, as is her right, but she sounds like someone who would only offer passive-aggressive congratulations at best. "Oh I'm so happy for you!" said through clenched teeth doesn't exactly convey happiness!

Judah

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Re: Grandma not showing enough excitement at upcoming wedding?
« Reply #12 on: September 14, 2012, 04:06:33 PM »
While I don't think the MOG should dictate to anyone how excited or not someone gets about her son's upcoming wedding, I think the LW(Grandma) is kind of insinuating that her "non-excitement" is punitive over her disapproval of how they've moved forward with their relationship up until now. Her letter comes across as judgemental, so I can see if that attitude is seeping into her relationship with her grandson.  In that case, I'd agree that the MOG has a right to politely talk to her mother about how her actions are coming across and possibly affecting her son negatively at a time that should be about great joy and celebration.

To me it sounds more like she's saying, "I'm glad their getting married, but they've been living as man and wife for years so what's there to be excited about."  Actually, that's almost exactly what she says in her letter. 
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Kate

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Re: Grandma not showing enough excitement at upcoming wedding?
« Reply #13 on: September 14, 2012, 04:09:04 PM »
http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is annoyed with me because I'm not jumping up and down with joy over my grandson's forthcoming wedding. Yes, I am happy they're getting married, but how excited can I get? The two have been sexually involved since they met in high school four years ago. She was 16; he was 17.

For the past two years, he and his girlfriend have shared an apartment and lived as man and wife. The bride-to-be's parents are not exactly thrilled either at the expense of a white gown and a few hundred chicken dinners, hall and band. However, my daughter insists on it and wants everybody to get excited.

OK -- so I'm excited. Whoopee. -- GRANNY MAE

DEAR GRANNY MAE: You are focusing on the wrong thing. Your grandson and his fiancee care enough about each other to commit, in a public ceremony, to spending their lives together. That's a positive step that deserves to be celebrated.

Whether you or I approve of couples living together is beside the point. They are adults and it was their choice. Be happy that they are now tying the knot to bind themselves together in a more permanent union.


What do you think, E-Hellions?  Is the MOG being an SS in getting upset that Granny isn't excited enough, or is Granny being unreasonable?
[/quote
MOG is unreasonable in expecting others to "feel" a certain way just because she does. Our feelings are simply our feelings and we all have a right to them :)
Gramma says she IS "happy' they are getting married, just not excited. That should suffice, assuming that she is not saying or doing anything offensive to the "happy couple".

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Grandma not showing enough excitement at upcoming wedding?
« Reply #14 on: September 14, 2012, 04:10:24 PM »
I think granny is being a cynical, narrow-minded biddy - but I think mom is tilting at windmills, for you can't force anyone to be excited over a celebration.

It's not required to be excited about someone's wedding. But she could at least be respectful.

Having sex since highschool and living together for years does not make a wedding futile. The goal of  a wedding is not "official permission to have sex", a wedding is, like Abby pointed out, a way of binding themselves into a more permanent union. Get with the times, granny.  ::)

My uncle's fiance likes to post quotes from famous people and the bible (she's a pastor) on her fbook status or just her own thoughts and funny puns.  One day recently she shared "Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts."  I thought that was rather funny, as I've heard of people who do that, but I've also heard people being accused of "just marrying so they can have sex without guilt". 

I can understand getting tired of hearing wedding talk, but Granny needs to put the brakes on the judgement.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata