How to word the RSVP

[learningtofly]

Hi y'all,

It's birthday party season.  DD just got an invitation with a location and date, but not a time.  I thought it was smart because you have to RSVP to get the time.  DH thought it was rude.  We're going to agree to disagree.

However, that particular day is really busy for us.  Really busy.  Without a time I can't RSVP because the party could be during one of DD's activities.  DD really wants to go and I will do everything possible to make this happen.  I've never met mom and all I have is an email address.  How do I say that we'd like to go but can't RSVP as a yes until I know what time your party is since I already have 4 events that day and really only have windows of 12-2 or 5-7 for your kid's birthday party?  We're not holding back waiting for a better invite to come along, I just can't move other events around until I know what time this party is. 

And yes, not going is an option.  I just wish the mom hadn't told DD about the party before I saw the invite.  Sigh.  She had no way of knowing it's a busy month.

[violinp]

I would word it this way:

"Hey OtherMom!

I just received the invitation to Child's party. We'd love to go, but first we need to know when it's scheduled, because DD has other commitments that day. Could you please let me know as soon as possible? Thanks!

Sincerely,
learningtofly"

IMO, I think it's not very nice to hide the time from the people you're inviting, simply because of the situation in your OP. It creates a bit of stress trying to figure out if you can even go. It may not be rude, but I wouldn't like a person who did that. I understand that hosts need everyone to respond ASAP, but some people, upon receiving such an invitation, would think, "Well, they didn't even bother to put the time on there? Okay, not gonna waste my time on that."

[kudeebee]

Just email her what you wrote:

Dear bd party mom,

DD would really like to attend your dd's birthday party.  However, I can't RSVP as a yes until I know what time your party is as we already have several events that day.

Please let me know the time of the party and I will get right back to you.

Thanks.

learningtofly

[gmatoy]

And please let us know if you are fitting a 5th thing into your day, superwoman!

[Cz. Burrito]

Definitely nothing wrong with asking for the time.

It seems like leaving the location off is a better way of preventing non-RSVPing guests from showing up...

[MariaE]

I'm with you DH, I think it's really rude, but I think PPs have given good suggestions of how to handle it.

[Iris]

Is it possible that she just forgot to write the time on? Sounds like the kind of thing I would do.

I don't see any problem with just letting her know you need to know the time to rsvp just like PPs have suggested.

[bonyk]

I think any of the above suggestions are fine, with one little suggestion.  Make sure you say what time is the party, instead of when is the party.  If you say "when" you might get a repeat of the day and have to email a few times to get the time.

I also agree that the omission might just be a mistake.

[TootsNYC]

I'd go w/ more info, perhaps

Hi, BDKid mom!
Thank you for inviting DD to the birhday party. She's very excited and would like to come! Unfortunately, she has events on her calendar for every time frame except 12 to 2 and 5 to 7.

Can you tell me what time of day the party is? Then I'll be able to let my daughter know if she'll be able to come to her friend's party. Once we find out the exact time and factor in travel, I'll get back to you right away so you can make your party plans with complete numbers.

[greencat]

I'd ask for both a start and an end time - if your DD only has two-hour-long blocks free, and the party is supposed to be four hours long, you might still have a problem even if the party starts during one of those blocks.

[Isometric]

I can sympathize with this lady, deadbeat RSVPer's drive me crazy. But, I don't think it's the best way to go around it, for exactly the problem you're having.

I don't think many people, especially with kids, would have the entire day free, and it doesn't even say whether it's morning, afternoon, early evening.

I think you're fine to ask the time, The wording PP's suggested is good.

[rashea]

I can sympathize with this lady, deadbeat RSVPer's drive me crazy. But, I don't think it's the best way to go around it, for exactly the problem you're having.

I don't think many people, especially with kids, would have the entire day free, and it doesn't even say whether it's morning, afternoon, early evening.

I think you're fine to ask the time, The wording PP's suggested is good.

But wouldn't you hide the location instead of the time? I guess I think it's an odd choice of things to hide.

[bah12]

I hope the ommitted time was more of an oversight.  I would understand waiting to give the location until after an RSVP (as long as it's local), but the time is pretty critical information to have before an RSVP.

That being said something like,

Hi OtherMom,

Thank you for inviting DD to Your Child's Birthday.  She is very excited about attending, but we have other commitments that day.  Can you please let me know what time the party is so I can see if it fits into our schedule?

Thank you,