Author Topic: Needy and greedy Update #28  (Read 11219 times)

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JenJay

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Re: Needy and greedy Update #28
« Reply #30 on: September 17, 2012, 06:26:25 PM »
Update: Ruth called today.  I asked if the grandkids were gone and if they took the toys or left them there for the neighbor kids.  They took most of the toys.  The two neighbor kids wound up with one toy each (plus some craft items).  I mentioned that I was upset that the neighbor kids got so little, but that rolled right off Ruth.  Mostly she wanted to complain about small things the children had done. 

So, big fat lesson learned.  If there are any more gifts, I need to be prepared for anything and do whatever it takes to control the situation.   

I don't understand why you can't tell Ruth "I intended for the toys to go home with the neighbor kids when all the children were finished playing with them. I thought I made that clear, but if I didn't, I am now. Please have your grandkids bring them back next time they come over."

CrazyDaffodilLady

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Re: Needy and greedy Update #28
« Reply #31 on: September 17, 2012, 07:27:59 PM »
Ruth's grandkids are not little monsters.  They are sweet kids who run amok at her house because she lets them.  She obviously told the kids that someone was coming with toys for all of them, and I don't think the grandkids should be punished for doing something they had no idea was wrong. 

I could have handled the situation better, but mostly I blame Ruth.  I'm pretty ticked off at her right now, for this and other things. 
It takes two people to play tug of war. If you don't want to play, don't pick up the rope.

JenJay

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Re: Needy and greedy Update #28
« Reply #32 on: September 17, 2012, 07:47:54 PM »
She obviously told the kids that someone was coming with toys for all of them, and I don't think the grandkids should be punished for doing something they had no idea was wrong.

That's a good point. I wasn't thinking of how it would feel for the kids to be told to bring the toys back. Plus, there's probably a good chance Ruth would blame that on you and then you'd have 2 kids asking "Why did you take our new toys away?"  :-\

VorFemme

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Re: Needy and greedy Update #28
« Reply #33 on: September 17, 2012, 08:02:37 PM »
Leave the toys locked in the trunk of your car or tell the kids that they have grabbed your STUFF and to put it back.  If they get the impression that it is "old lady stuff", at least they won't argue about putting it down.   >:D

Snarky suggests old lady clothes and Evil suggests boxes from laxitives or adult diapers as a "fail safe" mechanism.  Rather like men and feminine hygiene items - kids rarely want to touch adult medical supplies for the elderly (read that as over 35).

« Last Edit: September 18, 2012, 07:16:45 PM by VorFemme »
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I say more?

TootsNYC

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Re: Needy and greedy Update #28
« Reply #34 on: September 17, 2012, 10:34:50 PM »
Oh, and next time? (if there is one)

Don't tell RUTH.


LifeOnPluto

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Re: Needy and greedy Update #28
« Reply #35 on: September 17, 2012, 11:16:46 PM »
Wow. The update makes me wonder whether the whole thing was a set-up? Ie, perhaps Ruth just wanted her grandkids to have the toys all along, and if the neighbour kids happened to get any, that was a bonus for them.

I'd definitely say something to Ruth. It's not rude to say how bothered you are by the fact that there was a VERY unequal distribution of toys. (And that's not even taking into account the fact that the toys were meant to be all for the neighbour kids anyway).

Unfortunately however, I suspect Ruth will say it's too late now, and that taking away the toys her grandkids got would only upset them, etc.

bopper

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Re: Needy and greedy Update #28
« Reply #36 on: September 18, 2012, 02:36:26 PM »
Can you talk to the grandchildren' parents and explain what happened?

CrazyDaffodilLady

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Re: Needy and greedy Update #28
« Reply #37 on: September 18, 2012, 06:35:52 PM »
Can you talk to the grandchildren' parents and explain what happened?
The parents live out of town and I've never met them.

This is not my hill to die on.  It's not even my hill to spend time walking up.  I wanted to know if EHellions thought Ruth had been rude and if my anger at her was justified.  I also wanted some tips for dealing with this kind of situation politely.

I'm going to make some personalized craft items for the needy kids.  It won't be possible for Ruth to give these items to her grandkids.
It takes two people to play tug of war. If you don't want to play, don't pick up the rope.

JenJay

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Re: Needy and greedy Update #28
« Reply #38 on: September 18, 2012, 07:14:34 PM »
I bet the kids will LOVE that!

Kess

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Re: Needy and greedy Update #28
« Reply #39 on: September 20, 2012, 10:13:17 AM »
That sounds a lovely next step, OP (don't want to say 'solution' as any solution would involve a clue by four for Ruth...).

Is there any way Ruth misunderstood?  Like when you said you were going to bring toys over, did you say "for the kids" or anything other than "for Helen and <sibling>"?  Just wondering if that's why she doesn't get it and why she told the kids in advance.

When the kids started mobbing you I'd have put an immediate stop to that.  I don't think that comes under disciplining someone else's kids, since I'd do the same to an adult who was acting like that ("Hey!  What are you doing?  Put it back!  We'll get it all out inside.").  Best thing might have been, as soon as you realised they were there and hyped up, to leave the toys locked in the car for later.  But hindsight is 20-20, and I can see why you didn't.
« Last Edit: September 20, 2012, 10:32:49 AM by Kess »

CrazyDaffodilLady

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Re: Needy and greedy Update #28
« Reply #40 on: September 22, 2012, 11:10:55 AM »
Kess, I donít see how Ruth couldíve misunderstood.  I made it very clear that the toys were for the neighbor kids.  In the past Iíve offered things to Ruth for the grandkids, and she always turned me down, saying that they had too much stuff already.

What puzzles me most is that when I called Ruth the night before, she didnít mention that the grandkids were there.  When I called right before I drove over, she said nothing about children being there.  Normally, she wouldíve made a big deal about it.

Ruth is not very bright, utterly self-centered, doesnít think things through, and believes that whatever pops into her head is unquestionably right.  I think she grasped an opportunity to make herself look good to all the children, without considering that it was at the expense of me and the neighbor children.  I doubt that anything I say will make her question that her behavior was anything less than saintly.
It takes two people to play tug of war. If you don't want to play, don't pick up the rope.

CrochetFanatic

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Re: Needy and greedy Update #28
« Reply #41 on: September 22, 2012, 05:21:28 PM »
Undoubtedly, it's too late to do anything about it this time.  If something like that happens again, though, would it do any good to say, "I'm sorry, kids, but Grandma made a mistake." and let her be the one to explain it to them?  Nobody likes to disappoint kids, but some people use that fact to get favors and things out of other people.

gramma dishes

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Re: Needy and greedy
« Reply #42 on: September 22, 2012, 09:22:52 PM »
...    A couple of hours later I heard through the grapevine that 2nd lady had told a few people that there were free movies, she had taken some, and she offered them to others. ...


Oooo ... I'd have been furious!  There is no doubt I would have confronted the 2nd lady for taking what she KNEW was intended for someone else and for offering them to others without your permission.  No, that would not have gone over well at all!!   >:(

doodlemor

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Re: Needy and greedy Update #28
« Reply #43 on: September 22, 2012, 09:58:16 PM »
At Christmas time there are generally organizations that give toys to needy children.  Perhaps you could submit the names of the neighbor children.