'Meet the baby' tea - does this pass the sniff test?

[Oh Joy]

Greetings, all!  Just running a quick question up the flagpole...

Bundle #2 will be appearing soon.  I plan to host a casual open house Sunday afternoon tea when it's a few weeks old, mostly for my aunts and such to come say 'hello' and get a snuggle in without arranging a personal visit or waiting for the next family gathering.  (Our family is rather close and functional, but we don't usually have private visits outside of our closest members.)

* My mom's side knows about the tea, as they offered to throw a shower so I appreciatively declined and shared my plan.
* My dad's side doesn't know, as we don't usually do events for second+ children and nothing has come up in conversation.
* DH's family is irrelevant to the situation, as any of them would need a passport to attend.   

There will be a family wedding on my dad's side a few weeks after Bundle #2 arrives.  There are LOTS of little ones in this branch, and part of our family wedding dynamics is to catch up on new and growing members (my point being that Bundle #2 wouldn't be stealing any spotlights from the HC).

Finally, my question:  If you were a member of my father's family and heard that we did a tea for my mom's side, but didn't do one for my dad's side because everyone would be at the wedding, would it rub you the wrong way?

Thanks for your perspective!

[Sophia]

Why can't you invite your Dad's side too?  They might want to come just because they love babies.  Or because they'd rather see the baby first before the wedding.  It is a party without any expectation of gifts, so invite whomever you want. 

[Sootikin]

If it's not usual to invite your dad's side to 'second baby parties' I can't see why they'd mind not being invited. It wouldn't rub me the wrong way, but I'm pretty rational

Only you know if any of them are the sort to make a fuss about it.

[TootsNYC]

I might be a bit miffed, or I'd be thinking you should have had a separate one for us. I'm pretty rational too, and while I wouldn't be horribly upset, I'd feel a bit more distant than I did before.

If someone on your mom's side hosted it, then it wouldn't bother me. But if YOU hosted it, then I'd feel a bit hurt.

Why is it you wouldn't include your dad's side of the family?
Just invite them to come by that day and see the baby--don't make the invitations really formal or anything. Just invite them.

[Angel B.]

POD. If your dad's family doesn't do much(or anything) for second/third babies, why would they be offended?

If you wanted to, you could extend the invitation to them, and they could choose to decline or accept.

[CrazyDaffodilLady]

Can you ask your dad or someone close in his family for their opinion?


. . . then throw them under the bus if anyone else gets upset.   

[Judah]

I might be a bit miffed, or I'd be thinking you should have had a separate one for us. I'm pretty rational too, and while I wouldn't be horribly upset, I'd feel a bit more distant than I did before.

If someone on your mom's side hosted it, then it wouldn't bother me. But if YOU hosted it, then I'd feel a bit hurt.

Why is it you wouldn't include your dad's side of the family?
Just invite them to come by that day and see the baby--don't make the invitations really formal or anything. Just invite them.

I agree. It does no harm to invite your dad's side; they don't have to come if they don't want to.  And this way no one feels left out.

[Hmmmmm]

Yes, I would be a little miffed.  I'd either invite them to the one you are arranging for your Mom's family or I'd have a separate event for them if combining is too much for you. 

[Cami]

I'd err on the side of caution and invite everyone because I can definitely imagine people thinking, "We're not good enough for a meet-the-baby tea?"

[doodlemor]

Your reasoning is very logical.  However, I do think that people on your dad's side will feel left out if you don't invite them.

If you just call this an "open house" perhaps you will not have everyone coming to your home at once.  To me, that term sounds more informal than "tea."

I would probably put something like "Please come to our open house between xxx and xxx on xxx.  We would be delighted to have you come and meet [or see] our new baby, xxxxxxxxxx."

[Oh Joy]

Thanks for your perspectives.  I guess if I thought it needed checking with you folks, it was probably for a reason.   

[Bijou]

I would invite them.  Why risk hard feelings?

[bonyk]

Invite them unless you have reason to think they'd view it as a "gift grab".

[Ceallach]

I'd find it an odd division - surely the guest list for such an event should be based on who you would like to come meet the baby, not on how they're related to you?   

Having said that, if the reasoning is to do with numbers etc I'd understand.   We absolutely have things that are for one side only.  My mum's family is nearly 100 people, so sometimes it's a necessity!

In which case in retrospect I wouldn't talk about your "meet the baby" party where you happened to exclude a large bunch of relatives, but more of a "we had a get together with Mum's family last week..." type thing instead.   That way it's not an exclusion, it's a gathering of a specific group of people. 

[Isometric]

I totally understand your reasoning re your dad's side. I'd probably tell a few strategic members of that side of the family. Just saying it's casual, and all family are welcome, if not we'll see if you a few weeks at the wedding. That way there's no hurt feelings but nobody feels obliged to come if they'd rather wait til the wedding.