Author Topic: When you realize you are not invited but you are there....  (Read 14859 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

PastryGoddess

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4870
    • My Image Portfolio and Store
Re: When you realize you are not invited but you are there....
« Reply #30 on: August 09, 2013, 08:28:41 PM »
Emma is a resident in the house. What Carol wants doesn't matter.  If Carol gets upset that Emma is in the house, she'll either get over it or die mad.

I'm glad to hear Emma is moving out.  She'll be well rid of both John and Carol

Iris

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3867
Re: When you realize you are not invited but you are there....
« Reply #31 on: August 09, 2013, 08:37:16 PM »
To be honest, I want to go into this menage a trois and start shaking some sense into some of these people.

Emma, for trusting this guy's word over her own instincts, and allowing herself to be a doormat. The sentence "He finally confessed he had some feelings for Carol so Emma's fears were not totally off base but it didn't matter since Emma lived there and Carol didn't want him." makes me want to scream. It basically means "I want someone else but they're not here and you are so you'll do". I've never met Emma but I guarantee that she is worth way, way more than that.

Carol for being rude when there's just no need to and for dragging out this drama further. How can you demand that someone not be in their own house at your convenience?

And lastly John for being a colossal jerk. Earlier I thought that this could just be a case of differing expectations which is no-one's fault, but "I want you...no, I don't...yes I do...actually I want HER but she isn't her and you're not a bad back up plan" is just inexcusable.

As for what Emma should do, she should be distantly polite to John until she can move out, she should say "I'm afraid that I can't accomodate that request" when asked to leave her OWN HOME, she should be cool and professional with Carol when she needs to work with her and never, ever speak of this matter with her again, and then she should get the heck out of Dodge as soon as possible and never, ever see or communicate with John again. Also she should stop by the store on the way home and buy herself a spine, or possibly some self respect.
"Can't do anything with children, can you?" the woman said.

Poirot thought you could, but forebore to say so.

jedikaiti

  • Swiss Army Nerd
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2793
  • A pie in the hand is worth two in the mail.
Re: When you realize you are not invited but you are there....
« Reply #32 on: August 09, 2013, 08:42:04 PM »
Emma should tell Carol that she would be happy to move, for a nominal fee... buyout of the remaining months of the lease, payment for another place to live for that time, moving costs, and a very large inconvenience fee.
What part of v_e = \sqrt{\frac{2GM}{r}} don't you understand? It's only rocket science!

"The problem with re-examining your brilliant ideas is that more often than not, you discover they are the intellectual equivalent of saying, 'Hold my beer and watch this!'" - Cindy Couture

RavenousEdenFleur

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 118
Re: When you realize you are not invited but you are there....
« Reply #33 on: August 09, 2013, 08:49:07 PM »
Jedi, I like it ;) Iris, I agree with you. I think Emma just needs to be professional if she has to work with either one of them and cut out the toxic people!I don't know what it is about John that made her take leave of her sense, I met him. He was nice to me and he's cute but no one should treat a person the way John treats her.

gramma dishes

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8192
Re: When you realize you are not invited but you are there....
« Reply #34 on: August 09, 2013, 10:37:22 PM »
Emma lives there.  She pays rent.  It's HER house, not Carol's.  Carol has no say so about Emma's whereabouts.  At all.

If Carol wants to get together privately with John, they can do it at HER house!

LifeOnPluto

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6645
    • Blog
Re: When you realize you are not invited but you are there....
« Reply #35 on: August 10, 2013, 02:17:25 AM »
My impression:

John and Carol like each other (well, we already know for sure that John likes Carol) but don't have the guts to admit it to each other, and (until now) Emma.

I think that sooner or later something will happen between John and Carol (if it hasn't already). And when it does, Emma is in for a world of heartache, given her strong feelings for John. My advice to Emma would be to move out as soon as she can. And stop helping John and Carol with their "project". And cut all ties with these people. Unfortunately, my gut feeling is she won't do this, as she seems to lack self-respect.

I sincerely hope all these people are under the age of 25, because youth / inexperience in relationships is the only reason I can think to excuse this selfishness and insensitivity (on John's part), immaturity and rudeness (on Carol's part) and lack of self respect (on Emma's part).

Twik

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 28649
Re: When you realize you are not invited but you are there....
« Reply #36 on: August 11, 2013, 06:02:15 PM »
This may be controversial, but - if you really want to be "friends with benefits," you must be honest with yourself that you do not want anything more, ever. I think an awful lot of people, like Emma, mistake the concept for "preliminary courting".

John treated her like a pal who has no vested interest in whether he's developing a romantic relationship with another woman. I think that this was at least a little bit deliberate here, to show her that she has no claim on him.

If she wanted a romantic relationship with him, I think she's blown her chance.
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

TurtleDove

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6131
Re: When you realize you are not invited but you are there....
« Reply #37 on: August 12, 2013, 02:35:57 AM »
POD to Twik. This was a FWB situation and as such John did nothing wrong.

blarg314

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8506
Re: When you realize you are not invited but you are there....
« Reply #38 on: August 12, 2013, 04:23:31 AM »

Now I remember why I had a strict "No romance with roommates" rule back when I was sharing apartments. All the fun of an acrimonious divorce when you haven't even managed to date exclusively.

As far as the apartment goes, that's pretty straightforward. It's Emma's home, she lives there and pays rent, if Carol is not comfortable with her presence there, then it's up to her to either suck it up or work somewhere else.

As far as the other stuff goes... Yeah.  From what the OP has described, Carol has a thing for John and is jealous of Emma. Emma has a thing for John and is jealous of Carol. John has a thing for Carol, but is happy to use Emma until he and Carol get something going on. Or is possibly enjoying both of them - it wouldn't surprise me.

I think John and Emma and Carol have all behaved badly. Emma for entering a FWB situation and expecting it to be the start of a serious relationship (and not getting out when she realized it wasn't), and John for taking advantage of her once he realized that she was falling for him. If you're a decent person in a FWB situation, and you realize that your friend is falling for you, and for you it's still convenient recreation, the kind and ethical thing to do is to break it off and find someone else for your recreation. (I think a similar ethics applies when you realize a platonic friend is hopelessly in love with you.) Carol, of course, is being a SS for demanding that her pseudo-boyfriend's roommate leave the apartment when she visits.


RavenousEdenFleur

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 118
Re: When you realize you are not invited but you are there....
« Reply #39 on: August 17, 2013, 08:48:45 PM »
LifeOnPluto actually Emma is 29, John is 34 and Carol is 42! So they are all old enough to know better you would think :(

I have gotten the vibe from the few times I was around Emma and John that there was something more... he was talking about going on trips with her, they talked about kids and marriage and they went to family functions with each other, both sides. Emma went to John's and vice versa! That strikes me as more than FWB but I have never personally been in one, so I can't say for certain. I agree though the 3 of them all just behaved in ways that were harmful. I think a FWB situation HAS to have clear definitions, rules even!Maybe I'm wrong?

Twik

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 28649
Re: When you realize you are not invited but you are there....
« Reply #40 on: August 18, 2013, 08:24:41 AM »
That's not FWB, that's being a cad.

If he was talking marriage with her, and now wants someone else, he needs to make a clean break, not try to tell her subtly, "you're Number 2 now."
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

RavenousEdenFleur

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 118
Re: When you realize you are not invited but you are there....
« Reply #41 on: August 18, 2013, 05:16:50 PM »
Yea, him and the guy I dated earlier in the year, the one with the inappropriate relationship with his exes daughter should become friends.

I guess Carol and John are going to do work together again and Emma said she bit her tongue because she wanted to ask if she was paying him or buying him a puppy as a thank you... she is just focusing on moving out and moving on. I hope she sticks with the plan.

RavenousEdenFleur

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 118
Re: When you realize you are not invited but you are there....
« Reply #42 on: September 30, 2013, 06:58:06 PM »
Final Update, I hope!Emma moved out and John asked Carol out... and wants Emma to be happy for them and still remain friends because her and Carol are both so cool.. Emma told him to go away. Not surprised at all.

Iris

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3867
Re: When you realize you are not invited but you are there....
« Reply #43 on: September 30, 2013, 08:21:44 PM »
Final Update, I hope!Emma moved out and John asked Carol out... and wants Emma to be happy for them and still remain friends because her and Carol are both so cool.. Emma told him to go away. Not surprised at all.

*headdesk**headdesk**headdesk*

Good for Emma. I really hope she has nothing to do with this guy at all in the future. And, mind you, if Carol were my friend I would advise her against going out with a guy with this kind of history.
"Can't do anything with children, can you?" the woman said.

Poirot thought you could, but forebore to say so.

gramma dishes

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8192
Re: When you realize you are not invited but you are there....
« Reply #44 on: September 30, 2013, 08:40:29 PM »
Final Update, I hope!Emma moved out and John asked Carol out... and wants Emma to be happy for them and still remain friends because her and Carol are both so cool.. Emma told him to go away. Not surprised at all.

*headdesk**headdesk**headdesk*

Good for Emma. I really hope she has nothing to do with this guy at all in the future. And, mind you, if Carol were my friend I would advise her against going out with a guy with this kind of history.

I don't know.  Carol's role in this (her own personal "history" so to speak) would make me think that if he treats her badly, she shouldn't be surprised at all.  I'd be more concerned about Carol and Emma remaining friends.   To that idea, if I were Emma I'd say "Both of you need to get lost!"