Do kids just not care about being invited to birthday parties?

[katycoo]

I think that for some peoplr parties might not be fun. In the olf days it was maybe pizza and cake at home. Your parents might even rent a couple of movies and let your guests sleep over. There were rarely "themes" and hosts and guests didn't throw down tons of money. Now a lot of people have large guest lists at expensive venues with entertainment and elaborate menus. I imagine a lot of people feel like each party they atted moves the bar that much higher for them. Not a good reason not to RSVP but I am sure not all parents are happy about invitations.

Also agree. My SIL runs a company planning and running kids parties. $20,000 AUD is not unheard of, which I just think is utter madness and the parents get very competitive about having the bigger, better party like it is some kind of contest on showing whose child is more popular. We just used to get dropped off but now the parents are expected to stay and watch the whole thing and socialise with a whole lot of people they may rather not spend time with. Woe betide the parent who picks out a token or cheap gift, your social kudos goes straight down the toilet.

Wow.  My WEDDING cost about that.

[MariaE]

Part of it may also be that some people think they don't need to RSVP if they don't know the parents throwing the party. I've even heard people here say that. I don't understand it, but apparently it's a prevailing idea.

[Steve]

At our school kids' parties are limited by the kid's age: usually the number of participants is new age + 1, so for an eight year old turning nine, it would be 10 kids invited.

We generally have disco-parties at home, go bowling or rowing, or have sleepovers. Kids always rsvp within a day or two after the invitation is issued (and sometimes parents will confirm as well).

The issues that stem from this approach are usually that some kids get left out: kids need to choose who they want to invite. And you see a lot of: you are not invited because I was not invited. Parents are usually understanding of this and we do step in if something gets out of hand (if one kid never gets invited for instance, or if there is emotional blackmail going on). In general this approach teaches kids a lot. Stuff like: you will not always be invited to everything, you will not always get what your sibling gets, if you do not invite someone it has consequences so think about it.

There is not a lot of drama that comes from the way we do it, but that is also because the parents and the school monitor it actively.

[Sharnita]

Part of it may also be that some people think they don't need to RSVP if they don't know the parents throwing the party. I've even heard people here say that. I don't understand it, but apparently it's a prevailing idea.

I don't agree with it but maybe they see it kind of as spam or junk mail? 

[siamesecat2965]

I also don't have kids, but I think a lot of it has to do with the fact people are just ruder than they were, and place less value on etiquette.  I know i'm generalizing, but I'm amazed sometimes at how people act, compared to how I act, and how I was brought up.

I also think the "must invite the whole class" thing has a lot to do with it as well.  I know my friends with kids seem to have an endless stream of birthday party invites, and with more parents working, and less free time, I can see how it could get overwhelming.

I'm trying to remember my birthday parties; sadly I didn't have a lot of friends, and I don't recall even having a party every year.  I can remember one or two, and maybe had 5-6 friends invited and come.  As far as being invited, I don't recall being invited to all that many, esp once we moved when I was in 4th grade. I think I can honestly say I didn't attend any birthday parties from that time through 6th grade.  I know kids had them, but as I had few to no friends, I wasn't invited.

[Betelnut]

Well, although we did invite 25 kids, they weren't all from my daughter's school.  They were a carefully selected (by dear daughter) list consisting of school chums, girls from ballet class, and kids from church.  The only reason I wanted to invite so many is that the venue (local pool) was not cheap and I wanted to maximize the number of kids per cost.  Next year it is going to be an in-home party with only a few kids.  That's what we've done before.

No more big venue parties for us--no matter how much she whines!

(When I say "not cheap" I mean it was about $200.)

[MamaMootz]

I learned, after DD's 5th birthday party, to make a deal with her and only invite her very close friends to anything. Her 5th birthday party was a learning experience. She had invited about 5 or 6 people from her class. Not one of them RSVP'd. I had no idea who was coming and who wasn't, and I had prepared food and prizes to go along with the theme (we had an at-home Disney Princess themed party - where I made a castle cake, made princess goodie bags, and had some princess dress up outfits for the girls to wear and I made some tea sandwiches for the girls to eat).... and only one person showed up. DD was sad, but she also enjoyed playing with her one good friend.

I know it's frowned upon, but I am starting to like the concept of forcing people to RSVP by leaving the time off the invite so that they have to call to find it out. It's sad that it's coming to this, really. It's either that or know how to track them all down to get a head count so that you're not eating tea sandwiches for lunch for the rest of the week. 

I think that some people don't understand the concept of RSVP - I've had a few people tell me that they only have to contact the host if they ARE attending. If they are not attending, they say, they don't have to call.

And yes, I also agree that there are a lot of invites to a lot of parties these days. I had to limit DD to the ones for very close friends, as well, because I just can't afford to buy all of these kids birthday presents. And I've noticed that for the ones she did attend, when I limited the budget to $20 or less for the gift, she usually ended up bringing the least expensive gift there. But then again, her one friend received an Apple i-phone for her 8th birthday, which I thought was OTT for an 8 year old - but that's me.

[Judah]

Of course, it's polite to always respond to personal invitations. 

That said, I think part of the problem is sheer volume...so many invitees to so many events, such as birthday parties to the whole class/team/group.  I understand the reasons for inviting a whole herd, but it makes it (incorrectly) feel like one RSVP in either direction doesn't matter and/or add up to a burden to check the calendar and respond.

I agree. I met a friend I had not seen for ages in the supermarket on a Sunday and she looked exhausted. She had been to 5 birthday parties that weekend and told me it seemed every weekend was spent sent doing this. She was totally over it. Also in our day it used to be a simple affair with a cake a few presents and games and half a dozen friends. Now days they seem to involve a cast of thousands and all sorts of entertainment that drags them out for half a day.

I don't understand this at all.  I would have allowed one birthday party at most per weekend, child gets to choose which one, then we RSVP in the negative to all the rest.  Just because you are invited to a party, it doesn't mean you have to go and there is no reason to run yourself ragged carting kids from party to party. It seems your friend is choosing to this crazy lifestyle.

[Jones]

I am wondering if I just live in a strange part of the world....Maybe we are just behind the times on the "loathing parties" thing.

Last year for Jean we had a cousins-and-two-friends party. The two friends RSVPed and showed up. None of the cousins (my siblings' kids) did.  On the plus side those two kids got more from the pinata than they ever had before. This year we are doing a family party that DH's mom is organizing with his side; my side isn't invited (this wasn't the only no-show incident, it's become a pattern). DH's family has "cousin gatherings" about twice a year where all the kids and step kids get together and make crafts; we are planning this birthday to basically be the "cousin gathering" for autumn.

Every time there has been an invite-the-whole-class party that Jean was invited to, the invites said "no RSVP necessary", the hosts planned for the whole class and generally, most of the class showed up. I mean, who doesn't like free cake and babysitting for a couple hours on Saturday?

[Cami]

I think one difference is that when I was a kid, a birthday party -- however simple it was -- was a big deal. Now birthday parties are not a big deal, even when it seems like they would be due to the theming, expense, effort.

Back then, special events with groups of kids were few and far between.  Events with cake were even more rare.  The cake was a rare treat and something I can remember talking about for quite a while beforehand (and I'm not even a big cake person). Getting presents was something that only happened on your birthday and Christmas/Hanukah.

Today, it seems like kids have special events of some sort on a regular basis. Cake is no big deal because dessert is often on the daily menu. Kids get toys (or other leisure activities such as apps/games downloaded)  all the time and don't have to wait for the twice yearly occasions.

I think we've become jaded about the pleasures of a birthday parties because they're really  not special to us any more.  Combine that with the increasing lack of consideration for others and we get people who can't be bothered to RSVP and if they RSVP in the affirmative, can't be bothered to show up.

[Bookgirl]

We are having DD's birthday this weekend at Build A Bear.  She invited 3 friends from school.  Only one parent RSVP'd, the other 2 girls have told DD that they are coming but I don't know that for certain.  I'm hoping that they show up because we need to have at least 6 kids for the party (otherwise, I guess I'll be getting a bear of my own!)

DS received an invite to a party this weekend as well.  When I called to tell the mom that he wouldn't be able to make it, she seemed very confused as to why I was RSVPing.  Her response was "Ok?" It wasn't that she was surprised that someone was actually RSVPing, it was like she had no idea *why* I would be.  It was very odd.  If you don't want people to RSVP, why put your phone number on the RSVP line? 

[nrb80]

I am thirty (cough) and I live in the same community in which I was raised.  For the three year olds parties we've had no issues with rsvps - about 85% of the preschool class families always rsvp (we do a holiday party too), and the others I write off as anti social - and all the parents seem to get the same response.  RSVPs are by email or text.  At this age the class is invited - friends change minute to minute.  The only real issue is the volume.

My preschool was the functional equivalent to my son's.  According to my mom, in 198 (cough) the rsvps were a bigger issue.  I think its just easier with email and text to reply at your leisure than with the telephone. 

I think its somewhat unkind to denigrate parents who spend a certain amount or parents who hire a planner.