Author Topic: Neighbor who makes comments  (Read 8181 times)

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fnygrl

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Neighbor who makes comments
« on: September 20, 2012, 12:17:14 PM »
Hello ehellions!

I apologize if this is posted in the wrong folder.  Please move it, if need be.

My husband purchased a "new-to-me" car this past Monday as an early birthday present.  After purchasing the car and immediately upon pulling up to our home, one of our neighbors (neighbor #1) comes outside and over to our house and comments, "My! Don't you think that car is a little too fancy for this street"?  (Or something along those lines.)  Another neighbor asked me, "What?! Did you husband win the lottery or something"?  And that neighbor's wife told me she was having a conversation with neighbor #1 and some other people on the block and saying how much my husband must love me and think so highly of me to get me a new car.  Then, neighbor #1 immediately turns and says in a nasty tone (or at least that's how the story was told to me), "It's NOT new"!

When leaving the house yesterday to run errands with my children, neighbor #1 said, "Cheerio!" (As in, "hello!")  I jokingly said, "Fruit Loops!"  In which she replied, "Oh, we can't afford Fruit Loops in our house.  We have to buy Fruit O's".

I don't say anything in reply to this, and I don't have the nerve or the guts to say to someone, "Please stop making those unnecessary comments" - or something along those lines.  But every day since Monday, she has something to say to me directly or to a neighbor - which sadly gets back to me.

Any idea what I can do or say?  It's almost as though she's trying to make me feel bad for something that I have.

I hope that my post is making sense.  :)  Any help or advice would be appreciated!

Thank you!

Edited for bad spelling.
« Last Edit: September 20, 2012, 03:36:50 PM by fnygrl »

wyliefool

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Re: Neighbor who make comments
« Reply #1 on: September 20, 2012, 12:34:30 PM »
Wow, that's a lot of gossip over one car. What is it, a Lamborghini?

First step, I'd say, is to shut down the gossip-passers.
--Oh Cranky said 'snarkity snark' about your new car!
--I'd really rather not hear what Cranky says to you about me, or anyone else for that matter.

Second, when Cranky says hello to you, just say hello. No light banter about breakfast cereal or anything else. Or, if she's being mean, just a brief nod and move on. If she makes any snarky comments directly to you about your car or anything else, just tell her that your possessions or lack thereof are no concern of hers. Then walk away.

Frankly she sounds jealous and like she's trying to 'take you down' to make herself feel better. You don't need to continue being friendly to someone like that. Distant cordiality is all that's required. She'll probably complain that now you have a car you're 'too good' for her or 'snooty' or something, but who cares? Let her stew in her own bile. I have no energy for such ppl.

Amava

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Re: Neighbor who make comments
« Reply #2 on: September 20, 2012, 12:59:10 PM »
It's almost as though she's trying to make me feel bad for something that I have.
She is.
Don't let her.
As for what to say: I don't really think it warrants a response.
A smile or a shrug will do.
Or bean dip. You seem rather new from your post count, do you know what "bean dip" means here on e-hell? It's "changing the subject to something completely else". For example, bean dip.
Of course, with THAT kind of neighbour, you might end up with her complaining that she can't afford nice bean dip...  ???

But it can be anything, really. Like: "Oh look, a squirrel!"

Don't engage. Don't feel the need to justify your car or other choices.

Like Wyliefool says, let her stew.

cicero

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Re: Neighbor who make comments
« Reply #3 on: September 20, 2012, 01:02:12 PM »
you can't make her stop being jealous. that's her problem, not yours. (and seriously, it's not  like you are being tacky and flaunting your treasures).

As Amava says - dont' respond. don't respond to her, don't respond to other neighbors carrying gossip. a simple <shrug> and "whatever", "I don't really care", "I don't want to talk about this anymore" followed by bean dip should work.

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lowspark

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Re: Neighbor who make comments
« Reply #4 on: September 20, 2012, 01:06:41 PM »
I agree, she is. Trying to make you feel bad, that is. So... don't let her. In fact, you could turn it around and state how happy you are that you can afford these things.

-- My! Don't you think that car is a little too fancy for this street?
-- Yes, I love it!

-- Your husband must really love you to buy you that car
-- Yes! he does!

-- We can't afford fruit loops
-- Oh well, I love them!

etc.
After a while, she'll see that her comments don't make you feel bad but that instead, she feels worse. She'll stop.

Take2

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Re: Neighbor who make comments
« Reply #5 on: September 20, 2012, 01:31:44 PM »
I'd out-nice her. Just respond to everything with a smile and kindness, pretend not to understand and smile if she tries to be mean, take stealthy un-nice things at face value as though she meant them nicely. And keep a polite distance.

I would joke back about the fruit loops. I'd say "Oh, we buy single-ply toilet paper to fund our name-brand cereal habit."

Barb3000

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Re: Neighbor who make comments
« Reply #6 on: September 20, 2012, 01:45:04 PM »
I think I would just laugh it off, and if they make comments about how rich we must be, just say "I wish.." or "From your mouth to God's ear.."

Roe

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Re: Neighbor who make comments
« Reply #7 on: September 20, 2012, 03:02:18 PM »
I'd just continue as you were doing.   Don't take the bait and ignore the 'hints." She's jealous and is trying to make you insecure.  Don't let her.

I'd take everything they say as a joke and respond in kind.  Laugh, smile and be polite.  That'll teach 'em! ;)

BeagleMommy

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Re: Neighbor who make comments
« Reply #8 on: September 20, 2012, 03:22:58 PM »
POD to everyone!  This woman has a serious case of jealousy and is trying to make you feel badly.  Ignore.

Cami

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Re: Neighbor who make comments
« Reply #9 on: September 20, 2012, 03:34:36 PM »
It's almost as though she's trying to make me feel bad for something that I have.
She is.
Don't let her.
As for what to say: I don't really think it warrants a response.
A smile or a shrug will do.
Or bean dip. You seem rather new from your post count, do you know what "bean dip" means here on e-hell? It's "changing the subject to something completely else". For example, bean dip.
Of course, with THAT kind of neighbour, you might end up with her complaining that she can't afford nice bean dip...  ???

But it can be anything, really. Like: "Oh look, a squirrel!"

Don't engage. Don't feel the need to justify your car or other choices.

Like Wyliefool says, let her stew.
POD on the she's jealous and trying to diminish the value/importance of the car and your enjoyment in it by making comments.

Years and years ago, I had a coworker like that, we'll call her  Jealous Jessica.  Jealous Jessica and her dh regularly made very foolish financial choices. Then she'd find a way to snipe and snark at anyone who took a nice vacation, bought any car that wasn't spewing fumes, or came in with a piece of jewelry that was anything more than macaroni on a string. One day, Jealous Jessica sniped at a coworker about her new-to-her-car, "Must be nice to be so rich. I'll never be able to afford a car like that" with an accompanying, accusatory glare. The recipient of her largesse snapped back, "Well, sucks to be you then." That was the last time Jealous Jessica made a comment like that.

fnygrl

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Re: Neighbor who make comments
« Reply #10 on: September 20, 2012, 03:34:54 PM »
Thank you all so very much for your responses!  All were terrific and exactly what I need to do!

It's a shame that this is even happening as I thought we were friends.  Really more acquaintances, but I didn't think that she'd behave this way.  In the beginning of the year, I had included her in playdates that I was having with other mothers and their children whom she didn't know.  I can only imagine what the next playdate will be like.  I certainly don't want to mention her behavior to the other ladies of the group and make them feel like they're in the middle.  And on the other hand, I don't want her continuing on while we're there.  Never the less, I will be sure to smile and certainly not let her know that she's getting to me.

Thanks again.  You've all been so helpful!

bopper

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Re: Neighbor who makes comments
« Reply #11 on: September 20, 2012, 04:00:27 PM »
"My! Don't you think that car is a little too fancy for this street"?

1) "That's an odd thing to say."
2) "I am not sure, is there a list of acceptable cars?"
3) "Who knows, maybe it will raise the property values".

Obviously it is jealousy...if you have a junker like everyone else, then she can keep up with the Joneses.  But if you get a newer car, then she can't.  But it is "only used", so maybe she can keep up!

Twik

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Re: Neighbor who makes comments
« Reply #12 on: September 20, 2012, 04:02:45 PM »
When leaving the house yesterday to run errands with my children, neighbor #1 said, "Cheerio!" (As in, "hello!")  I jokingly said, "Fruit Loops!"  In which she replied, "Oh, we can't afford Fruit Loops in our house.  We have to buy Fruit O's".

EvilTwik would, of course, said with sickly-sweet sympathy, "Oh, that's too bad! If I ever have any left over, I'll send them over!" In which case neighbour would realize that instead of coming off as superior ("We don't waste our money on that nonsense!") she achieved pitiability ("Poor dear, I'll send you a care package!")

Nicer Twik would just say, "Fruit O's? Well, they're tasty too!" without recognizing the P/A dig.
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fnygrl

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Re: Neighbor who makes comments
« Reply #13 on: September 20, 2012, 04:10:29 PM »
I was just talking to her husband outside about a cable/home phone/internet question, in which she came over and joined in.  She told me I should call the cable company and complain that I want money off my monthly bill because I need to put gas in my new car.

How the topic goes from one to the other I have no idea.

It never ends.  Sheesh.

Amava

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Re: Neighbor who makes comments
« Reply #14 on: September 20, 2012, 04:14:02 PM »
I was just talking to her husband outside about a cable/home phone/internet question, in which she came over and joined in.  She told me I should call the cable company and complain that I want money off my monthly bill because I need to put gas in my new car.

How the topic goes from one to the other I have no idea.

It never ends.  Sheesh.

Boy she REALLY has a chip on her shoulder about that car, doesn't she?  ::)  >:(
Sheesh indeed.
She's trying to get to you - don't let her! We're behind you!