Neighbor who makes comments

[fnygrl]

I will certainly give these ideas a try.  Whether or not I can follow through is a different story.  As mentioned earlier I have a problem with either telling people how I really feel or defending myself.  I don't ever want confrontation and I worry that, in this case, she's the type of person that could make a big deal out of me responding.  We'll see how it goes.  Since we have a weekend coming up, I might see her outside more.  Hopefully she's said all she's going to say and move on.

Thanks again for all of your help!

[lowspark]

I was just talking to her husband outside about a cable/home phone/internet question, in which she came over and joined in.  She told me I should call the cable company and complain that I want money off my monthly bill because I need to put gas in my new car.

How the topic goes from one to the other I have no idea.

It never ends.  Sheesh.

Wow! I think I would have turned to her and said, "is that supposed to be funny?"

I don't think it's necessarily ugly to tell people how you really feel, IF the situation calls for it and IF it's done tactfully. But that's not at all what she's doing. She's just making snarky remarks about something she's jealous of. Telling you how she really feels would be more like "I love your car, fnygrl. I'm so jealous!" Because THAT is how she really feels.

I agree that at this point, the direct approach might be best. I know it's hard for you but maybe you can come up with a line and just practice it so that as soon as she says something, you can spit it out.
"Please stop making comments about my car." Then bean dip. Repeat as necessary. Short, polite and simple.

[bopper]

I will certainly give these ideas a try.  Whether or not I can follow through is a different story.  As mentioned earlier I have a problem with either telling people how I really feel or defending myself.  I don't ever want confrontation and I worry that, in this case, she's the type of person that could make a big deal out of me responding.  We'll see how it goes.  Since we have a weekend coming up, I might see her outside more.  Hopefully she's said all she's going to say and move on.

Thanks again for all of your help!

So you have to decide how you want to react:

Defending:  "But the car is used!"   But then she know she "got" you and will continue to try to get a reaction in the future.
Semi-aggressive:  "What's it to ya?
Pleasantly clueless: "I know, isn't it great?"  Act like she loved it.  This may help reduce her trying to get a reaction.
Cool: "Is there a reason you keep commenting on my car?"

If you don't like confrontation, then go with Pleasantly Clueless which will derail her with a smile.  This won't be confrontational nor defending.

[GrammarNerd]

I will certainly give these ideas a try.  Whether or not I can follow through is a different story.  As mentioned earlier I have a problem with either telling people how I really feel or defending myself.  I don't ever want confrontation and I worry that, in this case, she's the type of person that could make a big deal out of me responding.  We'll see how it goes.  Since we have a weekend coming up, I might see her outside more.  Hopefully she's said all she's going to say and move on.

Thanks again for all of your help!

So you have to decide how you want to react:

Defending:  But the car is used!"   But then she know she "got" you and will continue to try to get a reaction in the future.
Semi-aggressive:  "What's it to ya?
Pleasantly clueless: "I know, isn't it great?"  Act like she loved it.  This may help reduce her trying to get a reaction.
Cool: "Is there a reason you keep commenting on my car?"

If you don't like confrontation, then go with Pleasantly Clueless which will derail her with a smile.  This won't be confrontational nor defending.

I like this.  Maybe get a stock 'pleasantly clueless' phrase in your head and practice it in front of a mirror a few times until you can say it comfortably.  Then anytime she mentions anything to do with your car, bring out the stock phrase.  Something like, "You know, I just love my new car!  I can't believe my DH got it for me for my birthday!"

I wouldn't consider it bragging or confrontational or even the slightest bit rude because she's bringing it up first by mentioning your car all the time.  You're just continuing the conversation on a topic that she already started. 

Remember, she obviously WANTS you to feel guilty, to start defending your gift, whatever.  DON'T do it.  DON'T act like there's any reason you should feel guilty.  Be proud, and that should take the wind out of her sails.

[fnygrl]

I will definitely (try) going with a the stock answer.  I do like the "pleasantly clueless" one!

Today, when my daughter and I pulled up to the house, a neighbor came up to the car and said, "Your car brings class to the neighborhood".  At that time, my daughter (who was still in her carseat) asked said neighbor to get in the car with her and the neighbor said, "I don't think I should even be allowed in this car.  I'm not good enough."

The only response I could muster was, "Oh, will you stop".  It will take some practice.


I haven't had the car a full week yet, but I'm already tired of the silly comments.

Thank you all for your comments, suggestions, and help!

[magicdomino]

Today, when my daughter and I pulled up to the house, a neighbor came up to the car and said, "Your car brings class to the neighborhood".  At that time, my daughter (who was still in her carseat) asked said neighbor to get in the car with her and the neighbor said, "I don't think I should even be allowed in this car.  I'm not good enough."

Dang, Fnygrl, what is this automotive wonder?  A Rolls Royce complete with cute chauffeur?      Is this the original envious neighbor, or another one?

[fnygrl]

Dang, Fnygrl, what is this automotive wonder?  A Rolls Royce complete with cute chauffeur?      Is this the original envious neighbor, or another one?

It's a different neighbor.  She's the one who told me that neighbor #1 had said, "It's not new!" 

I'm sure soon enough the same neighbors will be saying, "Oh, that old thing"? 

[Roe]

Seriously...is your car made of gold or what?  Because if it's not, they need to get over it, it's just a car!  Ugh, I'm so annoyed on your behalf.

[fnygrl]

Seriously...is your car made of gold or what?  Because if it's not, they need to get over it, it's just a car!  Ugh, I'm so annoyed on your behalf.

Thank you, Roe.  I appreciate your being annoyed.  Makes me feel good not to be alone.

Obviously no, the car is not made of gold.    (Though I'm sure that would cause even bigger issues with the neighbors)

A few posts back, Piratelvr1121 said:

Wow. I live in an area where most folks aren't terribly well off.  We're not rich either, but we manage alright. But if we brought home a nice car or something I can't imagine our neighbors saying anything negative.

We live in a similar sounding area, but it would seem we're not as lucky to have the similar kind neighbors.

[Mikayla]

I was just flapping my cyberjaws on another thread about how much I love the "question-as-answer" response for these types of things that just.won't.go.away.  It's also easier on you, because it's so natural.

The next time she (the really bad neighbor) makes some kind of strange link between your car and, say, the  weather, give her a puzzled look and respond:  "Why did you just say that?".  Then wait for her to answer. 

[fnygrl]

The next time she (the really bad neighbor) makes some kind of strange link between your car and, say, the  weather, give her a puzzled look and respond:  "Why did you just say that?".  Then wait for her to answer.

I like this idea a lot!  If I see her over the weekend and she says something, I will do my best to repeat that!  I'll practice now!

[Jocelyn]

I think I'd reply, 'Yes, I drive a X now.' In a sort of bored tone of voice. As if you were just really tired of comments about something so obvious and trivial.

[Kaypeep]

I'd make a game of it.

Do you have a stopwatch feature on your watch or phone?  As soon as you see her, start it.  Then as soon as she mentions your car, stop the clock and announce the time and declare it's a new record!
"Oh, Neighbor#1, you've gone just 2:15 until mentioning my car!  I think this is your best record yet!  Soon we'll have you down to not mentioning at all!"

If she mentions your car more than once, call her out on it.  "Oh Neighbor, that's twice you've mentioned my car!  Please mention it 2 more times, I have "4 times" in the pool and I really want to win the "How many times will Neighbor Mention my Car" pool this week!

And do this every time you see her until she stops.

Or, next time she brings it up hold out the keys and say "do you want to take it for a drive?  Because you bring up the car every time I see you.  Something tells me you're a bit obsessed about the car so maybe taking it for a ride around the block will get it out of your system?"

[EMuir]

I think pleasantly clueless is good, or laugh like she just made a joke.  She really is being silly.

Now I wonder what our new neighbours think... We bought our first new car.  While we were waiting for delivery, new neighbours moved in and they have the same car, different colour!  Now we have our car, and I just realized that from outward appearances, we look like we went out and bought a car to keep up with the Joneses, LOL!

[Yankeegal77]

I have to admit, I laughed out loud when reading the update about the cable/gas connection. It was so asinine it was comical. I probably would have laughed in disbelief and said, Nice talking to you, see you later.

It sounds like somebody has been asking her husband if they could get a car, or something else major and has been told no, or that they can't afford it right now. And that very special somebody is taking it out on you and will continue to do so for awhile until she gets something to make you two "even" again, or it's apparent you just don't care about what she has to say. What a miserable person.

My advice is to just laugh, say "Good morning to you, too" or some other briefest-of-brief acknowledgements or completely ignore her. If she's not getting to you, she'll either stop or just get angrier. (If the latter, you're well within your rights to say that you weren't aware that your new car so compromised her quality of life, but now you do know, so she can stop sharing her thoughts. With a smile, of course!)

At playgroup, sounds like she has enough rope to hang herself. Just laugh it off and beandip to another mom. I'm sure you've been in the group long enough for others to know you're not a braggart and that the fellow group members are observant enough to see what a nutter this woman is.

Another E-Hellion behind you. Good luck!