Author Topic: Actually, you drive her crazy Update Pg 3  (Read 8951 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

still in va

  • used to be gjcva1
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3517
Re: Actually, you drive her crazy
« Reply #15 on: September 20, 2012, 04:53:44 PM »
Why does Linda think the three of you are the 3 musketeers if Jane has never accepted an invitation? If I were friends with Linda, I'd give a combination of A and... not quite B and C. "Linda, if you want to invite Jane you'll need to do it yourself, however, it's obvious Jane hasn't accepted any invitations in the last year, so I'm not sure why you keep doing it. Why isn't just the two of us enough?" Just that, no details about why Jane isn't accepting, just point out the obvious and how Linda's persistence isn't going to change anything.

it's possible that Linda wants to make all outings "all for one and one for all" because she's doesn't want the OP and Jane to get together without her.  they might be having fun that she's left out of. 

go with Option A.

LazyDaisy

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1012
Re: Actually, you drive her crazy
« Reply #16 on: September 20, 2012, 05:10:58 PM »
But there is a larger social group that apparently all three are a part of, and yet Linda is only zeroing in on Jane. There is no indication in the OP that Linda has a problem with mbbored having other friends or feeling left out. That's a bit of a leap to me.
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." Douglas Adams

mbbored

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5315
    • Budget Grad Student
Re: Actually, you drive her crazy
« Reply #17 on: September 20, 2012, 05:24:47 PM »
Why does Linda think the three of you are the 3 musketeers if Jane has never accepted an invitation? If I were friends with Linda, I'd give a combination of A and... not quite B and C. "Linda, if you want to invite Jane you'll need to do it yourself, however, it's obvious Jane hasn't accepted any invitations in the last year, so I'm not sure why you keep doing it. Why isn't just the two of us enough?" Just that, no details about why Jane isn't accepting, just point out the obvious and how Linda's persistence isn't going to change anything.

it's possible that Linda wants to make all outings "all for one and one for all" because she's doesn't want the OP and Jane to get together without her.  they might be having fun that she's left out of. 

go with Option A.

I hadn't considered that perspective. We're all grad students at the same university, but Jane and I are labmates and in the same program. We spend at least 40 hours a week together as it is, but rarely socialize outside of that since we get more than enough together time. Honestly, I don't consider either woman to be among my closest friends, but Linda clearly feels otherwise, which I do feel a little guilty about.

still in va

  • used to be gjcva1
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3517
Re: Actually, you drive her crazy
« Reply #18 on: September 20, 2012, 08:25:35 PM »
But there is a larger social group that apparently all three are a part of, and yet Linda is only zeroing in on Jane. There is no indication in the OP that Linda has a problem with mbbored having other friends or feeling left out. That's a bit of a leap to me.

i did state that it was possible.  i did not say that it was definite.  i don't feel that expressing my own opinion to be any kind of leap. 

JoyinVirginia

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6079
Re: Actually, you drive her crazy
« Reply #19 on: September 20, 2012, 08:49:40 PM »
A, B, or E you invite Jane making clear Linda is where plans originated.

rain

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 757
Re: Actually, you drive her crazy
« Reply #20 on: September 20, 2012, 09:04:07 PM »

Honestly, I don't consider either woman to be among my closest friends, but Linda clearly feels otherwise, which I do feel a little guilty about.


??? Why do you feel even a little guilty ????
"oh we thank thee lord for the things we need, like the wind and the rain and the apple seed"

mbbored

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5315
    • Budget Grad Student
Re: Actually, you drive her crazy
« Reply #21 on: September 20, 2012, 11:00:00 PM »

Honestly, I don't consider either woman to be among my closest friends, but Linda clearly feels otherwise, which I do feel a little guilty about.


??? Why do you feel even a little guilty ????

It makes me feel as though there's an inequality in our relationship, but I can't change how close I feel to her.

MariaE

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4692
  • So many books, so little time
Re: Actually, you drive her crazy
« Reply #22 on: September 21, 2012, 12:41:15 AM »

Honestly, I don't consider either woman to be among my closest friends, but Linda clearly feels otherwise, which I do feel a little guilty about.


??? Why do you feel even a little guilty ????

It makes me feel as though there's an inequality in our relationship, but I can't change how close I feel to her.

Oh, I can understand that. I have a friend who considers me her best friend, but she's definitely not mine - not even close. I like her well enough, but that's about it. I feel guilty everytime she refers to me as her best friend, because I just can't give her the level of attention or affection a best friend "should".
 
Dane by birth, Kiwi by choice

Ceallach

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4786
    • This Is It
Re: Actually, you drive her crazy
« Reply #23 on: September 21, 2012, 01:33:13 AM »
I agree with "A".   However, like others I also couldn't resist a puzzled "Why would I do that?" response to her suggestion in the first place.   After all, it's a strange suggestion to try to trick Jane into spending time with her! I would love to know how she explains that in her head as necessary or a good idea.
"Nobody can do everything, but everybody can do something"


CrochetFanatic

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 877
Re: Actually, you drive her crazy
« Reply #24 on: September 21, 2012, 03:48:23 AM »
Gotta be "A".  I've been the victim of a social "bait and switch" (I think that's what I mean, but it's happened to me), and I did not appreciate it.  You don't have to let yourself be put in the middle.  At the very least, Jane would be upset with you.

TootsNYC

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 30957
Re: Actually, you drive her crazy
« Reply #25 on: September 21, 2012, 08:06:49 AM »
. Honestly, I don't consider either woman to be among my closest friends, but Linda clearly feels otherwise, which I do feel a little guilty about.

I want to encourage you to stop feeling guilty about this..

Linda isn't automatically entitled to have friendships wherever she wants. You are completely entitled to be true to you rown idea of how close a friend you want to be with Linda.

Linda's a grownup--by now she's supposed to have figured out how to handle this.

lowspark

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4055
Re: Actually, you drive her crazy
« Reply #26 on: September 21, 2012, 08:23:22 AM »

Honestly, I don't consider either woman to be among my closest friends, but Linda clearly feels otherwise, which I do feel a little guilty about.


??? Why do you feel even a little guilty ????

It makes me feel as though there's an inequality in our relationship, but I can't change how close I feel to her.

OK, first thing you have to do is get over any guilt feelings you have. Guilt = you've done something wrong and you have not done anything wrong here. You cannot control how Linda feels and it's not your responsibility to. And you have your own feelings which you have a perfect right to.

Not only should you not feel bad that she wants to be closer friends with you, but in fact, I'd start pulling away from her. The whole idea of her wrangling you into a plot to trick Jane, thus putting you in the middle, is abhorent to me and I'd want to distance myself from her because who knows what trick she will pull on you if she feels the need.

couchpotato

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 526
Re: Actually, you drive her crazy
« Reply #27 on: September 21, 2012, 12:19:06 PM »
Now Linda has the "great" idea that she'll organize an activity, say happy hour, and then I invite Jane but don't tell her it's really Linda inviting her through me.

Frankly, I'd go ahead with Linda's suggestion, with one exception. I'd invite Jane to a happy hour and "accidentally" let it slip that Linda was the mastermind. That way Jane will be aware of how far Linda is willing to go. It sounds like Linda is determined to become BFFs with Jane whether she wants to or not, and I can't believe you are the only one she is willing to use to achieve her goal. If you outright refuse, Linda might move on to someone in the group who really wants to get Linda off *her* back and would be willing to sacrifice Jane for some peace. If Jane knows what Linda pulled with you, she could be more aware of potential other attempts.

Also, if you invite Jane out without Linda as a factor (as Linda wants you to) and she turns you down, it might help Linda accept Jane's rejection as less personal. You don't have to admit to Linda you slipped the guest list to Jane before her decline. Just my perspective.

oogyda

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3652
Re: Actually, you drive her crazy
« Reply #28 on: September 24, 2012, 07:54:50 AM »
A.

I'd also follow up with some questions as to why she would go to these lengths to trick Jane into spending time with her when it's obvious Jane just doesn't want to. 
It's not what we gather along the way that matters.  It's what we scatter.

Morticia

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1632
    • Stepmonster's Travels
Re: Actually, you drive her crazy
« Reply #29 on: September 24, 2012, 10:29:08 AM »
Is anyone else reminded of the Family Guy episode, where Brian finds out Quagmire doesn't like him?
Now our mom says she's changed her mind about the devil's brood, they may be evil so she thinks, but at least they're never rude...
                                        -- Big Rude Jake

My travel blog: http://www.stepmonster.ca