Author Topic: Actually, you drive her crazy Update Pg 3  (Read 9043 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

mbbored

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5315
    • Budget Grad Student
Actually, you drive her crazy Update Pg 3
« on: September 20, 2012, 01:06:38 PM »
I'm friends with two women: Linda and Jane. Linda is very outgoing and can be a bit abrasive, while Jane is very reserved and introverted. Linda manages to drive Jane up the wall, so Jane avoids spending time with her except in large group settings. Fortunately Jane realizes that this is her problem, not anybody else's, so she doesn't badmouth Linda and simply declines invitations that involve her in small groups.  Unfortunately, Linda thinks that the three of us are the three musketeers. For more than year, she's invited Jane and I out a couple times a month: lunch, coffee, happy hour, dinner at her place. Jane always says no politely, Linda pouts.

Now Linda has the "great" idea that she'll organize an activity, say happy hour, and then I invite Jane but don't tell her it's really Linda inviting her through me. Should I:

A) Tell her that if she wants to invite Jane she should do it herself.
B) Say that I really prefer one on one activities.
C) Explain that Jane doesn't enjoy hanging out with her.
D) Some other brilliant solution that I know E-Hell has.
« Last Edit: September 30, 2012, 01:08:31 PM by mbbored »

Amara

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2409
Re: Actually, you drive her crazy
« Reply #1 on: September 20, 2012, 01:12:46 PM »
A.

Stay out of it. Jane has her reasons, she is polite, she doesn't trash anyone. Linda is being over-the-top sneaky about this, and frankly, I wouldn't hang out with her either if this is her MO.

rain

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 771
Re: Actually, you drive her crazy
« Reply #2 on: September 20, 2012, 01:13:50 PM »
I vote for "A"

(and hope that someone else comes up "D")


"oh we thank thee lord for the things we need, like the wind and the rain and the apple seed"

lowspark

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4165
Re: Actually, you drive her crazy
« Reply #3 on: September 20, 2012, 01:14:27 PM »
A.

The fact that Linda is telling you to invite Jane without making it known that Linda is the organizer says a lot. She either already knows or suspects that Jane doesn't like her. If she already knows, then it's obnoxious of her to engage you in tricking Jane into spending time with her. If she just suspects, then this is a creepy way of testing Jane to find out if her suspicions are correct. Either way, it sure puts you in an awkward position. And that is not a nice thing for Linda to do.

I picked A because you should not get involved in this. It's between Linda and Jane and your getting in the middle will probably come to no good.

Moray

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1869
  • My hovercraft is full of eels!
Re: Actually, you drive her crazy
« Reply #4 on: September 20, 2012, 01:15:38 PM »
I'm friends with two women: Linda and Jane. Linda is very outgoing and can be a bit abrasive, while Jane is very reserved and introverted. Linda manages to drive Jane up the wall, so Jane avoids spending time with her except in large group settings. Fortunately Jane realizes that this is her problem, not anybody else's, so she doesn't badmouth Linda and simply declines invitations that involve her in small groups.  Unfortunately, Linda thinks that the three of us are the three musketeers. For more than year, she's invited Jane and I out a couple times a month: lunch, coffee, happy hour, dinner at her place. Jane always says no politely, Linda pouts.

Now Linda has the "great" idea that she'll organize an activity, say happy hour, and then I invite Jane but don't tell her it's really Linda inviting her through me. Should I:

A) Tell her that if she wants to invite Jane she should do it herself.
B) Say that I really prefer one on one activities.
C) Explain that Jane doesn't enjoy hanging out with her.
D) Some other brilliant solution that I know E-Hell has.

Definitely not C. That would be overstepping, and if I were Jane I'd be mortified if you did that.

I'd probably ask her why she'd want you to do that? When she says that she thinks Jane is avoiding her, I'd say A and then B.

This is between them and it wouldn't hurt to point out to Linda that it's weird and unfair to put you in the middle, especially if the intent is to "trick" Jane to coming out as a threesome.
Utah

Judah

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4769
  • California, U.S.A
Re: Actually, you drive her crazy
« Reply #5 on: September 20, 2012, 01:18:16 PM »
A.

The fact that Linda is telling you to invite Jane without making it known that Linda is the organizer says a lot. She either already knows or suspects that Jane doesn't like her. If she already knows, then it's obnoxious of her to engage you in tricking Jane into spending time with her. If she just suspects, then this is a creepy way of testing Jane to find out if her suspicions are correct. Either way, it sure puts you in an awkward position. And that is not a nice thing for Linda to do.

I picked A because you should not get involved in this. It's between Linda and Jane and your getting in the middle will probably come to no good.

This.  Linda knows Jane doesn't want to hang out with her, or she wouldn't have asked you to get in the middle.  Don't let her put you in the middle. 
Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one:
Subtle hints don't work.
Strong hints don't work.
Really obvious hints don't work.
Just say it!

-The Car Talk Guys

HonorH

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2977
Re: Actually, you drive her crazy
« Reply #6 on: September 20, 2012, 01:18:22 PM »
Linda strikes me as being particularly thick-headed. She's one of those people who needs to be liked, I would guess, and thinks if she can just get Jane to hang around with her, Jane will suddenly realize that yes, she does like Linda.

Yeah, not gonna happen.

I'd go with A. Sooner or later, Linda will have to come to terms with the fact that Jane isn't charmed by her, at which point you can expect to get an earful. Stay out of it as much as you can.
William wondered why he always disliked people who said "no offense meant." Maybe it was because they found it easier to say "no offense meant" than actually to refrain from giving offense.

--Terry Pratchett, The Truth

WillyNilly

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 7490
  • Mmmmm, food
    • The World as I Taste It
Re: Actually, you drive her crazy
« Reply #7 on: September 20, 2012, 01:19:14 PM »
A.

But I'd alo straight up ask "why?" so Linda is forced to say it outright. At which point I might gently say something about how everyone doesn't have to b friends with everyone, and how sometimes a person can respect and even sorta like another person but not like hanging out with them.

Hawkwatcher

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2818
Re: Actually, you drive her crazy
« Reply #8 on: September 20, 2012, 01:20:51 PM »
This is another vote for A) for many of the reasons given by the other posters.

Adelaide

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 968
Re: Actually, you drive her crazy
« Reply #9 on: September 20, 2012, 01:23:45 PM »
A.

I have had this happen to me. An ex-friend I gave The Cut Direct to almost managed to get one of our other friends to get me to go to dinner with the 5 of them, but the friend who was inviting me said that he felt weird about going behind my back. If I was ever tricked into showing up somewhere where Linda was I'd be furious with the person who invited me and left out that she was going to be there.

bah12

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5305
Re: Actually, you drive her crazy
« Reply #10 on: September 20, 2012, 01:38:27 PM »
I also vote for A, this is Linda's activity and she needs to invite who she wants.

 But if you do decide to invite Jane then make it clear what the activity is:  Linda and I are going to happy hour and you are invited to join us if you wish.

Hmmmmm

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6791
Re: Actually, you drive her crazy
« Reply #11 on: September 20, 2012, 02:03:01 PM »
I'm not sure I understand Linda's suggestion.  Does she acknowledge Jane turns down her invitations but accepts yours?  Doesn't that mean she knows Jane doesn't exactly enjoy her company? 

I'd either go with A or I'd tell Linda that you'll extend the invitation but you'll let Jane know it it is from her, not your event.

BeagleMommy

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3259
Re: Actually, you drive her crazy
« Reply #12 on: September 20, 2012, 04:17:00 PM »
Go with A.  I know, if I were Jane, I would be highly upset that someone got me to an event by avoiding telling me my nemesis would be there.  Linda needs to either ask Jane or be consigned to the fact that Jane just doesn't like her.

LazyDaisy

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1072
Re: Actually, you drive her crazy
« Reply #13 on: September 20, 2012, 04:35:42 PM »
Why does Linda think the three of you are the 3 musketeers if Jane has never accepted an invitation? If I were friends with Linda, I'd give a combination of A and... not quite B and C. "Linda, if you want to invite Jane you'll need to do it yourself, however, it's obvious Jane hasn't accepted any invitations in the last year, so I'm not sure why you keep doing it. Why isn't just the two of us enough?" Just that, no details about why Jane isn't accepting, just point out the obvious and how Linda's persistence isn't going to change anything.
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." Douglas Adams

sourwolf

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 347
Re: Actually, you drive her crazy
« Reply #14 on: September 20, 2012, 04:48:38 PM »
I agree with everyone else - A and stay out of it.