Author Topic: Is This Rude? Self-preservation? Both?  (Read 15590 times)

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Steve

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Re: Is This Rude? Self-preservation? Both?
« Reply #30 on: September 22, 2012, 04:18:29 AM »
If you do not think you will be comfortable there, do not buy it. It is always better to regret not buying a house, than it is to regret buying one.

It may be worth exploring the options the others have posted: good fences, padlocks, and asking the neighbours just how intrusive the family really is. If you feel confident you can handle it after this, go ahead, but if you keep doubting, I would not buy it. There is noting rude about it in my opinion.



cicero

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Re: Is This Rude? Self-preservation? Both?
« Reply #31 on: September 22, 2012, 07:03:46 AM »
Obviously you're not a bigot, but I would still consider options before deciding not to buy the house.

Negative: the neighbour and children
Positive: the price

Is there any chance you can get an honest answer from the sellers as to how bad the neighbour is and how noisy and intrusive the children are?
If you were willing to set up boundaries both physical and mentally would the price make it worth it?

I ask only because you are never guarenteed what your neighbours will be like anywhere you go, or who will move in beside you.
i agree with this.

and there is something to be said about knowing what you are getting into, vs. buying a house and *then* discovering that the new neighbors who just moved in are the neighbors from H*ll (like what happened to us..)

and it *is* possible to set boundaries with people like this - we've done it quite successfully. and if sometimes i don't answer the door or phone when my neighbor calls with yet another ridiclous plea for help, well, so be it.

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Venus193

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Re: Is This Rude? Self-preservation? Both?
« Reply #32 on: September 22, 2012, 08:16:00 AM »
Nothing new to add but agreeing with the majority.  If you don't feel comfortable at the prospect of living next door to this family you are within your rights not to buy this house.

The point a few posts back about what will happen when the neighbor's children are older, bigger, stronger, and noisier is standing out in my mind.  You should not have to worry about feeling comfortable in your own yard or even your home.

Yankeegal77

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Re: Is This Rude? Self-preservation? Both?
« Reply #33 on: September 22, 2012, 12:46:46 PM »
donnamos2, your friend needs a vocabulary lesson and a clue-by-four...perhaps he/she could buy the house for themselves, and you can move into their place?

You've just performed an act I like to call 'dodging a bullet.' I can tell you from a similar experience with a neighbor when I was a teenager that you could have potentially ended up in a very stressful, aggravating situation.

If circumstances were different (she was living down the street, you aren't a fellow single mother, etc) I'd say that since the neighbors all seem to have the same opinion of her, you might want to reconsider and develop some strategies for dealing with her, using a polite, firm spine. But next door? And her coming over and interjecting herself into your conversation? Also, sounds like the boys are really rough and who knows what their mom would do if they injured themselves while on your property. Red Flag City.

You're not rejecting the home because children with disabilities make you uncomfortable. You're making a wise decision based on your assessment of the quality of life you can already tell you will have. And be sure of this: being unable to use your own yard because of constant neighbor ridiculousness really can make even the greatest home feel like a prison.

So, don't listen to your friend--your gut is doing a great job thus far. :)

Winterlight

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Re: Is This Rude? Self-preservation? Both?
« Reply #34 on: September 22, 2012, 01:06:38 PM »
Nothing new to add but agreeing with the majority.  If you don't feel comfortable at the prospect of living next door to this family you are within your rights not to buy this house.

The point a few posts back about what will happen when the neighbor's children are older, bigger, stronger, and noisier is standing out in my mind.  You should not have to worry about feeling comfortable in your own yard or even your home.

Excellent point. This situation is not likely to get better any time soon.
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Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
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TootsNYC

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Re: Is This Rude? Self-preservation? Both?
« Reply #35 on: September 23, 2012, 04:36:56 PM »
I'll be honest--I wouldn't want to live next door to kids who made a lot of noise outside all the time, no matter what their reason, even if it was something they couldn't control. I just don't want to.

I'm not required to. Etiquette doesn't require me to. Character doesn't even require me to.

And I don't care if it's "bigoted" or not.


Fleur

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Re: Is This Rude? Self-preservation? Both?
« Reply #36 on: September 23, 2012, 05:29:41 PM »


Add me to the pile. My goodness, some people have a very odd idea of what constitutes bigotry. How ridiculous. I'm sorry that you can't buy the place, as it would otherwise be such a good fit, but I think you're very wise. Frankly, this family sound like a total nightmare, and the last thing that you need on top of the stress of a divorce and an infant!

Carpathia

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Re: Is This Rude? Self-preservation? Both?
« Reply #37 on: September 23, 2012, 05:53:33 PM »
Setting boundaries and maintaining them with people like this can be time consuming and stressful in itself. I agree with the people saying don't buy the house.

Oh, and bigoted - no. That's just a ridiculous (and very insulting) thing for someone else to say to you.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Is This Rude? Self-preservation? Both?
« Reply #38 on: September 23, 2012, 05:58:11 PM »
Honestly, I wouldn't have bought my first house if I'd realized that a minor drug pusher lived next door.  (He bought cigarettes and booze, mostly, and sold it to underage kids.  About 3 years after I moved in, the cops picked him up and I didn't have anymore problems.)

So you are not a bigot for not wanting to live next to a family that would make it difficult to enjoy your own yard and a woman would expect you to help her look after her family.  No matter how well you establish your boundaries, it would be exhausting to constantly have to keep them enforced.
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
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Bluenomi

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Re: Is This Rude? Self-preservation? Both?
« Reply #39 on: September 23, 2012, 07:52:13 PM »
I'll be honest--I wouldn't want to live next door to kids who made a lot of noise outside all the time, no matter what their reason, even if it was something they couldn't control. I just don't want to.

I'm not required to. Etiquette doesn't require me to. Character doesn't even require me to.

And I don't care if it's "bigoted" or not.

Once again Toots has said everything I wanted to say!

ACBNYC

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Re: Is This Rude? Self-preservation? Both?
« Reply #40 on: September 23, 2012, 09:04:46 PM »
Let's say you *were* a bigot, and you went to look at a house. You happen to notice that the family next door is a family of purple people eaters. You really don't like purple people eaters, so you decline to buy the house. You are NOT rude for not living by people with whom you do not want to associate. A distasteful bigot, maybe, but NOT rude. Rude would be moving in and harassing them or being rude to friendly overtures.

In this case you have the feeling that your neighbors would change your life with demands. You have a right to protect your peace and sanity. Regardless of the cause, declining to NOT move somewhere is never rude.


violinp

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Re: Is This Rude? Self-preservation? Both?
« Reply #41 on: September 23, 2012, 09:22:12 PM »
I'll be honest--I wouldn't want to live next door to kids who made a lot of noise outside all the time, no matter what their reason, even if it was something they couldn't control. I just don't want to.

I'm not required to. Etiquette doesn't require me to. Character doesn't even require me to.

And I don't care if it's "bigoted" or not.

Once again Toots has said everything I wanted to say!

POD.
"It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but even more to stand up to your friends" - Harry Potter


TootsNYC

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Re: Is This Rude? Self-preservation? Both?
« Reply #42 on: September 24, 2012, 07:43:18 AM »
It is not "treating the prospective new neighbors" rudely to decide not to buy a house next door to them.

Even if you ARE a racist, you are completely OK to decide not to buy a house based on the race of the people next door. (heck, you're probably doing them a favor!)

One great freedom in our country is "freedom of association."

You get to choose who you will be friends with. And when you *can* choose who your neighbors are, you are entitled to do so.

Rohanna

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Re: Is This Rude? Self-preservation? Both?
« Reply #43 on: September 24, 2012, 07:53:04 AM »
You are certainly not rude, but wow I feel for those home owners. Can you imagine trying to sell at that time of life, not cause you want to, but because you feel like you can't live in your own home anymore?  :-\
My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world. ~ Jack Layton.

Coley

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Re: Is This Rude? Self-preservation? Both?
« Reply #44 on: September 24, 2012, 09:32:18 AM »
I'll be honest--I wouldn't want to live next door to kids who made a lot of noise outside all the time, no matter what their reason, even if it was something they couldn't control. I just don't want to.

I'm not required to. Etiquette doesn't require me to. Character doesn't even require me to.

And I don't care if it's "bigoted" or not.

POD POD POD. If we had known what we were getting into before we bought our current house, I can guarantee that we would not have bought it. The PP who said you've dodged a bullet is right on the money.