Wow. Hot topic!
OP -- I think your menu sounds awesome! I agree with your update on changing out the salad and letting FIL bring the bread.
But the rest of it? It sounds pretty traditional to me.
You have the turkey, potatoes, stuffing, gravy, veggies, salad, cranberry, and pumpkin desert. What's not traditional about that? The only thing that may be missing is sweet potatoes (but I, personally don't mind that omission
Just because the potatoes are "Rosemary roasted bite-sized potatoes" instead of mashed? I could understand if OP served something like Gnocchi or a different pasta dish instead of roasted potatoes . . . with the roasted, a person could always "mash" them with a fork, top with gravy and voila! Mashed potatoes.
"Cornbread-stuffing muffins" -- with the recipe OP provided, this is
stuffing! Only served in a different/creative way.
Veggies? Instead of the stale and old bowl of corn (which I love!) or green bean casserole, OP is providing a yummy variety of veggies.
OP -- would you mind sharing the menus from your past TG dinners at both parents house?
Why, exactly, do you think your menu is non-traditional? Because you're serving real potatoes instead of potatoes from a box?
For the salad . . . I think just a simple garden salad is light, refreshing and unobtrusive to the meal. I don't think that you need to add extra flavors or make this a gourmet salad. What sort of salad is traditional for your families?
For the appetizers . . . since you mentioned apples for your ex-salad
, why not serve some sliced fruit (apples, pears, melons, kiwi) with some crackers, cheese and a nut bowl.
I really don't think that you need to tell your guests that you're making changes to the traditional menu because you're not. You're just serving all the traditional foods in a different way. Nothing wrong with that.