Rude to change Thanksgiving menu? Add'l info #23

[rigs32]

The OP is making a complete traditional thanksgiving menu, yet some people are saying that it is not "traditional", because her preparation methods are not "traditional".

This is what I've been thinking as I read this thread.  While I may prefer canned cranberry sauce to homemade, I wouldn't call homemade nontraditional.

I dislike holiday meals because I end up eating meat and maybe one or two of the side dishes.  I am trying to eat paleo and I hate that there are so few green vegetables at most holiday meals.  I brought 2 pounds of brussel sprouts to my SO's holiday meal last year and they were gone in a flash.  Clearly, there's a hole that needs to be filled since there were pounds of potatoes and other starchy dishes leftover but everything green disappeared.

[kckgirl]

I dislike holiday meals because I end up eating meat and maybe one or two of the side dishes.  I am trying to eat paleo and I hate that there are so few green vegetables at most holiday meals.  I brought 2 pounds of brussel sprouts to my SO's holiday meal last year and they were gone in a flash.  Clearly, there's a hole that needs to be filled since there were pounds of potatoes and other starchy dishes leftover but everything green disappeared.

That's why my family always has a green tossed salad on Thanksgiving. We love all of our traditional favorites, but we want something green, too.

[Saki_Fiz]

I thought the OP's menu sounded pretty traditional in a general sense.  To me, getting more specific, you are getting into family traditions rather than general ones.  Going through her menu and comparing it to what I had growing up versus what I do now, most of the components are the same.  Just different recipes and prep:

-Turkey - My family did fairly basic roasting.  But people now fry turkeys, smoke turkeys, grill turkeys, etc.  I usually cook mine in a crock pot to leave my oven available for everything else.  I'm actually going to trying converting the OP's recipe to crockpot

-Potatoes - My family did twice baked potatoes, my husband's family did celery root mashed potatoes.

-Veggie Side Dish - A lot of families do a version of a green bean casserole, but neither my family nor my husband's did.  My family did fresh green beans.  Now I do oven roasted green beans and brussels sprouts. 

Salad - My family did a crudite plate and a relish dish.  (Btw, OP could you post this kale, quinoa, apple salad recipe as well?)

Cranberry Jelly - My family did canned and a raw relish kind.  Now I do it cooked from scratch with pomegranate juice.  And pretty much the only reason I bother is because the leftovers make and excellent Black Friday cocktail when blended with ice and rum.

Stuffing - I grew up with boxed.  My husband grew up with from scratch with sausage.  I think muffins sound like a viable option.

Pumpkin Dessert - Yes, pie is most traditional.  But I also know several people that dislike pumpkin pie, but like other pumpkin baked goods.  And Every year there are more and more pumpkin dessert recipes to try, I don't fault anyone for that.  I do pumpkin cheesecake with ginger snap crust.



OP - I loved the sound of your menu.  But as you can see from the responses here, family food traditions can be very important.  While I would not let your guests change your menu, or bring an entirely different menu with them, I do think letting each branch of family bring a favorite dish (if they want to) would be a great way to keep the peace.

[Fleur]

I really have to agree with Marcel, up to an extent. I don't agree that the situation is especially American, but I find it odd, in any country, for 'tradition' in a meal to override the courtesy of guest to host, which entails not criticisng the menu.

[BabyMama]

I love your menu. What I would do in a situation like this is ask your guests if there's anything they feel is "Thanksgiving," and either make it for them or ask them to bring it. Even a single familiar dish can do wonders, I think. Honestly I hate every Thanksgiving at my in-laws', because in my family, T-day is all about the food, and in DH's family, they really couldn't care less because to them food is food. The first Thanksgiving I spent with them I was soo incredibly disappointed to find that they cook their turkey in a bag, so there would be no delicious crispy skin or homemade gravy (and let's not forget the fact that they always overcook meat.) Last Thanksgiving, my MIL casually mentioned that she wasn't making stuffing, because "nobody really likes it." I like it!! Even if it is the nasty generic Stove Top stuffing topped with gravy in a pouch (which is what it is when she DOES make it) it's what's Thanksgiving to me. They won't allow the "kids" to bring anything except dessert, so I end up making several desserts and filling up on them so it still feels like a holiday to me. Then I go home and make my own Thanksgiving meal, with all the foods I like that are too "hard" for the in-laws to prepare.

Yes. People get all up in arms about holiday food. 

[Venus193]

If this is the first time the OP and her DH are hosting the family for Thanksgiving I don't blame her for not wanting her food to be crowded out by everyone else's.  I applaud her efforts and hope she gives up an update after the holiday.

[jpcher]

If this is the first time the OP and her DH are hosting the family for Thanksgiving I don't blame her for not wanting her food to be crowded out by everyone else's.  I applaud her efforts and hope she gives up an update after the holiday.

 


New hosts, new traditions. Ain't nuthin' wrong with that.

[wolfie]

I really have to agree with Marcel, up to an extent. I don't agree that the situation is especially American, but I find it odd, in any country, for 'tradition' in a meal to override the courtesy of guest to host, which entails not criticisng the menu.

Noone is saying that the guests are going to take one look at the meal, curse the OP out and leave. But all actions have consequences. The OP could have a very nice meal, everyone eats and seems to enjoy themselves but any time after that that she tries to host a holiday she is turned down because they decided that her way of doing things just don't suit them. If the OP would like to host holidays then she should make sure that her guest won't just be satisfied with the meal, but that it makes them feel like the holiday truly has been celebrated.

It would be no different then if I hosted a dinner party and served foods that my guests didn't like. They could be polite and eat some of it and then fill up on the way home, but i can't complain if they never accept another invitation to my home again.

[Vall]

I really have to agree with Marcel, up to an extent. I don't agree that the situation is especially American, but I find it odd, in any country, for 'tradition' in a meal to override the courtesy of guest to host, which entails not criticisng the menu.

I agree that guests should not criticize the menu to the host.  That would indeed be rude.  They may be disappointed but they should keep it to themselves (or a private conversation with their spouses).  They can always prepare their personal traditional Thanksgiving foods after they get home to enjoy or they can make and eat them before they leave for the party.

[SamiHami]

Chiming in late here, and I haven't read the entire thread, but I personally think the OPs original menu is absolutely wonderful! She's got turkey, potatoes, vegetables, the muffins and other items...it sounds like a lovely Thanksgiving meal to me.

I think trying to accomodate everyone's idea of the perfect traditional Thanksgiving meal is an exercise in futility. Everyone has different ideas about what is traditional. My former SIL never, ever had potatoes for Tday; she grew up having rice. She also never had regular stuffing, but always had an oyster pie. You get enough people insisting that things must be their way and you wind up with wayyyyyyy too many dishes and an exhausted, frustrated and broke hostess. As long as you aren't swapping out the turkey for pizza, I think it's fine for the hosts to offer their version of Thanksgiving.

Oh, and OP, if you still need an idea for a munchie/appetizer, I just tried something the other day that was fantastic and simple! Get some seedless grapes, coat them with soft goat cheese, and roll them in broken up pistachio nuts. They are simple and amazing!

[MrsCrazyPete]

The OP could have a very nice meal, everyone eats and seems to enjoy themselves but any time after that that she tries to host a holiday she is turned down because they decided that her way of doing things just don't suit them.

To be honest, if, after eating my dinner, my parents and in-laws decided not to come to my house for a holiday meal again, that would be ok with me. If having the traditional foods is THAT important to them, I wouldn't want to go to the trouble of cooking for them again anyway. I don't mean to sound snarky about it, but if my guests gave me the choice between dictating my menu or doing it themselves, then I'd rather they do it themselves. That being said, my parents and in-laws are all very gracious and I don't think any of them would do that.

[AstiTheWestie]

Personally, I love the menu. I love doing a twist on the so-called "traditional" menu.

But maybe I am missing something ... isn't Thanksgiving about being with the people you love and being, well, thankful? If I was with my loved ones, I wouldn't care if we ate hot dogs. Just as long as we are all together.

[SamiHami]

The OP could have a very nice meal, everyone eats and seems to enjoy themselves but any time after that that she tries to host a holiday she is turned down because they decided that her way of doing things just don't suit them.

To be honest, if, after eating my dinner, my parents and in-laws decided not to come to my house for a holiday meal again, that would be ok with me. If having the traditional foods is THAT important to them, I wouldn't want to go to the trouble of cooking for them again anyway. I don't mean to sound snarky about it, but if my guests gave me the choice between dictating my menu or doing it themselves, then I'd rather they do it themselves. That being said, my parents and in-laws are all very gracious and I don't think any of them would do that.

POD. Excellent points in this post.

[Sharnita]

Personally, I love the menu. I love doing a twist on the so-called "traditional" menu.

But maybe I am missing something ... isn't Thanksgiving about being with the people you love and being, well, thankful? If I was with my loved ones, I wouldn't care if we ate hot dogs. Just as long as we are all together.

I think it can be about memories and connections to people who are there as well as people who aren't.  Food  can be a big element of that, particularly when there are familiar/traditional foods.  There are certain foods, made certain ways that will always remind me of people I love - some who I plan to share this Thanksgiving with, some who will not share another Thanksgiving with me.  If I eat those familiar foods it brings the memories back and in some ways the people.  If I celebrated the holiday and was surprised by not having the foods or traditions I could survive but it might feel like more than the food was missing.

[rigs32]

My go to app for non-picky eaters are Greek Salad Bites. 

If you google it, you can easily find the exact recipe, but it's feta, sour cream, fresh basil, sun dried tomatoes, and parsley on top of a slice of cucumber.  Some include olives, but I leave them out as I don't care for them.

Usually these are eaten in a flash and I get lots of compliments.  Only once did they not get eaten, but that was at a gathering filled with really picky eaters for whom feta was way too exotic.