The OP could have a very nice meal, everyone eats and seems to enjoy themselves but any time after that that she tries to host a holiday she is turned down because they decided that her way of doing things just don't suit them.
To be honest, if, after eating my dinner, my parents and in-laws decided not to come to my house for a holiday meal again, that would be ok with me. If having the traditional foods is THAT important to them, I wouldn't want to go to the trouble of cooking for them again anyway. I don't mean to sound snarky about it, but if my guests gave me the choice between dictating my menu or doing it themselves, then I'd rather they do it themselves. That being said, my parents and in-laws are all very gracious and I don't think any of them would do that.
How is it dictating your menu if a guest politely eats your food, thanks you, and leaves? Not accepting future invitations is not dictating your menu -- it's the way polite people respond to experiences they did not enjoy. It's only dictating your menu if they tell you what to make as a condition of their acceptance. It's only rude to decline future invitations if they tell you it's because you made the worst Thanksgiving dinner they've ever had.
In addition to that, it is entirely possible for the food you prepare to be excellent and delicious, but the overall experience to still be lacking. That is the point I have seen in many other posts up to now -- for a holiday with very food-centered traditions, it doesn't always matter how delicious the food is if it's too far off from tradition.
Ultimately, everyone is confronted at least occasionally with a choice between the traditions they want to have and the people they want to see at the holidays, because sometimes the two are mutually exclusive. Everyone makes that choice differently, depending upon the circumstances, and sometimes having to make that choice is unavoidable.
But it seems rather impolitic to me to actually create a situation where a person will have to choose between seeing you or maintaining their family traditions. If you know that their traditions are in line with your own (and in this case, that their tastes coincide with yours), then you likely won't create such a situation in the first place. But if, as your husband seems to be saying, their traditions and/or tastes might be different from and possibly incompatible with yours, rigidity will not encourage them to choose you over their traditions, nor will it endear you to them in general. A little flexibility can go a long way towards family harmony.
As an aside, my husband grew up in a country that does not celebrate Thanksgiving. He has lived in the US (and celebrated the holiday) for 6 years now, 5 of them with me. The holiday we celebrate will probably always look very similar to the way I have always celebrated it, because he didn't come into this relationship
with existing traditions. But that doesn't mean he hasn't formed them since then.