Rude to change Thanksgiving menu? Add'l info #23

[KenveeB]

Actually, he is the host as well - why should her wishes trump his?

Because she's performing the labour.  If her DH wants some sway, he can help.

It's a little sexist to assume he isn't. The OP says "we are hosting" and refers to "our menu", not "I'm doing everything and DH is sniping from the sides." He's co-hosting, and he's at least involved enough in the planning that he knows the planned dishes two months out and is voicing opinions on it. He's as entitled to his opinions about the menu as she is.

Nothing sexist about it.  My assumption is based on the fact that no mention of anyone other than herself doing the cooking/prep was made in the OP.  I remain of the general opinon that the person undertaking the labour gets final say on the menu.

There's no mention of cooking or prep in the OP, so by that token we're just as free to assume that the maid is doing it all and should get final say. OP says "we're hosting" and "here is our menu." All of the wording is inclusive of herself and DH. It's two months until Thanksgiving -- exactly what cooking or prep should DH be doing right now to deserve a say?

[Sharnita]

Actually, I believe there was mention of others bringing items, at lezt the bread and her initial opposition to that.

[Hmmmmm]

Actually, he is the host as well - why should her wishes trump his?

Because she's performing the labour.  If her DH wants some sway, he can help.

It's a little sexist to assume he isn't. The OP says "we are hosting" and refers to "our menu", not "I'm doing everything and DH is sniping from the sides." He's co-hosting, and he's at least involved enough in the planning that he knows the planned dishes two months out and is voicing opinions on it. He's as entitled to his opinions about the menu as she is.

Nothing sexist about it.  My assumption is based on the fact that no mention of anyone other than herself doing the cooking/prep was made in the OP.  I remain of the general opinon that the person undertaking the labour gets final say on the menu.

I disagree that hosting duties only include cooking and prep.  I do 90% of the food preparation for our gatherings.  But DH helps with getting the house clean, all the yard work in preparation, helping set up the tables, making sure garage stored extra chairs are clean and ready, handles letting and purchasing the wine and then does the fast majority of the clean up.  Just because I'm cooking doesn't make him less of a host or diminish his input into the menu. 

[Dindrane]

Plus, even if one spouse is doing the bulk of the cooking and food preparation, that doesn't mean it's a good idea to ignore reservations expressed by the other spouse about how it will go over with his family.

There definitely comes a time when the person preparing the food gets to make the decisions, but two months before a holiday when the menu is still in the planning stages is not that time.

If it were me, the only reason I'd ignore my husband's thoughts about what his family would think that far in advance is if I fundamentally didn't care what his family thought. His opinions might not ultimately have any affect on what I end up planning to cook, but that far in advance, I would at least give them due consideration.

[bopper]

Chiming in...I think it best to do a mix of traditional and new.  Have DH let you know a couple of "must haves"for thanksgiving and then make interesting versions of the rest.

[Giggity]

I'm sorry, but I still think that bringing outside food to a dinner, even a family one, is rude. It smacks of 'your dinner isn't good enough, let me bring some REAL food.' I would be seething if someone did that to me, and I would not want them back again.

If a family (or any other group) has decided on a semi - potluck meal, it's not rude. Now, if a guest brought a dish when not asked and/or given the okay to do so by the host, that would be rude. My mom cannot make a pie to save her life, so my grandma brings over her pecan pie and pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving.

But that is not the situation in this post.