Children and Colds

[fnygrl]

Hello e-Hellions~

Looking to get your take on something that irks me.

We (my husband and two children, as well as my parents) were recently invited to a couple's home for a get together with them and their children.  At the end of the invite the wife said, "Make sure you're all healthy or you won't be allowed in". 

About three days before the get together was to take place, my children became sick with either allergies or a cold (sometimes it's difficult to tell which with young children) so I contacted the husband of the couple to say we wouldn't be attending since we didn't want to take any chances bringing germs into the house.  He said he understood and we'd make plans for a later time.

My parents did attend to find that the children of the people hosting the get together were sick with colds, and had been for days before I even contacted them saying we weren't attending.

If the person hosting the get together was so adamant about our being healthy to "be allowed in", wouldn't you think they would extend the same courtesy to their guests?

It's not an earth shattering moment, but was curious to hear your thoughts about it.

[Zilla]

I would be livid.  By the mere facts that their kids are sick and you and your family have been exposed.  The comment she inserted at the end there would have only fueled my ire.

This is a pet peeve for me so I am very biased.  I take great care in making sure my kids are healthy before putting them out there in the public and I would appreciate the same back.  I hate comments like, "Oh it's just a cold."  "They are almost all better"  or worse, "It isn't gonna kill you!" 

[fnygrl]

  I hate comments like, "Oh it's just a cold."  "They are almost all better"  or worse, "It isn't gonna kill you!"

It's funny that you should mention that.  Back in July, the same woman who said, "Make sure you're all healthy or you won't be allowed in" and I were trying to make plans to get our families together.  She said that both her husband and son "have been fighting little nose colds since sunday nite. (her son) is not sneezing or coughing anymore except during sleep at this point so i don't think he'll get u guys sick."

I'm so thankful she's there to decide for me!?

[Outdoor Girl]

I don't have a problem with their stance if one of the family is immunocompromised in any way.  But it is no guarantee, since you can be incubating something and not show symptoms, or could just be a carrier (thanks for the mumps, Dad  ).

But they were incredibly rude to not afford the same courtesy to their guests.  Maybe one of the guests has to be careful not to be exposed to germs and, based on the invitation, assumed that the event would be as germ free as possible.

If none of them are immunocompromised, then I think their stance is a bit ridiculous.  Kids are going to pick up everything going around in daycare or school and limiting their other exposure is kind of like closing the barn door after the horse escaped.

[Chickadee]

Hello e-Hellions~

Looking to get your take on something that irks me.

We (my husband and two children, as well as my parents) were recently invited to a couple's home for a get together with them and their children.  At the end of the invite the wife said, "Make sure you're all healthy or you won't be allowed in". 

An "invitation" with that final phrasing would have ensured that I would not attend the get together. I have enough manners and common sense to know that if I am ill, I need to keep myself and my germs at home. I certainly don't require such a pompous reminder  .

[Iris]

Unless someone had an underlying medical condition I would choose not to socialise with someone who said "Make sure you are healthy or you won't be allowed in". If my hayfever is acting up will I be expected to produce a doctor's certificate that proves that I'm not contagious? It's very unwelcoming, IMO. On top of that to be perfectly fine with exposing guests to *their* children's germs just piles offense on top of offense.

Although Chickadee has beaten me to it and expressed it better

[fnygrl]

An "invitation" with that final phrasing would have ensured that I would not attend the get together.

If something like this happens again, what's the best way to politely decline the invitation?

[Firecat]

An "invitation" with that final phrasing would have ensured that I would not attend the get together.

If something like this happens again, what's the best way to politely decline the invitation?

Something like "I'm afraid I won't be able to make it" should be just fine. If they press, you can confess to having other plans, and don't give any additional information.

[girlysprite]

It might depend a bit on the age of the children of the hosts. If one of the children is a young baby, I can sort of understand how the parents accidentally set up a double standard. After all, cold germs are a bigger issue for very small children than for healthy aldults or older children. Also keep in mind that there are hundreds of cold strains out there. When a person has a cold, it doesn't mean it no longer matters if he comes into contact with another cold. It might give hime two virus strains to combat instead of one.

[Hollanda]

What a strange choice of phrase for an invitation. It would make me angry as well and possibly stop me from wanting to socialise with them.  Like a PP said how can anyone be sure they're 100% healthy at any time? Unless they had also invited an elderly person, someone immunocompromised or a very young baby, I don't understand the need for it.

[cicero]

What a strange choice of phrase for an invitation. It would make me angry as well and possibly stop me from wanting to socialise with them.  Like a PP said how can anyone be sure they're 100% healthy at any time? Unless they had also invited an elderly person, someone immunocompromised or a very young baby, I don't understand the need for it.

i agree. once you are out there in the world, you are going to be exposed to all kinds of contagious diseases - from school, co workers, on public transportation, etc . and as someone mentioned upthread, we can be sick and contagious without knowing it.

and it is especially rude, IMHO, that she banned sick people from her home, but she herself had no problem exposing her guests to her own sick family...

<OK, and who else was picturing Sheldon saying "what kind of sneeze was that? allergy? too much pepper on your salad? ok, you know the drill, i require two consecutive negative throat cultures, 12 hours apart">

[Roe]

Do they have an infant/toddler?

With the pertussis outbreaks all over the country, I can see why they would be so strict if they had a baby or toddler in the house.  And in a way, it could set up a double standard if you had older children as pertussis is dangerous for babies and toddlers more so than older children, teens or adults.

We had the "must be healthy" rule to visit when our youngest was an infant and into his toddlerhood years.  Of course, if we got a cold, we would be sure and let our guests know so that they could make the decision whether or not to visit.  Most in my family just said "what a little cold? No, we will still show up."  Ha.

But, it was still their decision to make, not mine.  And what your friend did would truly upset me.

Next time she invites you to her house, feel free to tell her "Oh, if anyone in your household is sick, please be sure to let me know as we don't like to visit sick people."  Yes, it's blunt but she's blunt with you so if you hurt her freelings, she's just being a SS. 

If you don't want to visit her anymore, just say "sorry, that won't be possible." 

And if you do show up at her house and realize her children have the sniffles, it wouldn't be rude to leave.  I've done it before.  "Gosh, so sorry, I didn't realize little Bobby was sick."  "Oh it's nothing."  "Unfortunately, it can be for us so we will have to get together another time."  Smile and leave.  It's not a big deal if it's done in a "it's not a big deal" sorta way.

[Chickadee]

An "invitation" with that final phrasing would have ensured that I would not attend the get together.

If something like this happens again, what's the best way to politely decline the invitation?

I think Firecat's reply (#7) is the most polite way to decline, but I love Roe's reply: 'Next time she invites you to her house, feel free to tell her "Oh, if anyone in your household is sick, please be sure to let me know as we don't like to visit sick people."  Yes, it's blunt but she's blunt with you so if you hurt her freelings, she's just being a SS...'
Roe's wording makes the point that guests deserve not to be exposed to illness just as much as the host's children.

[SuperMartianRobotGirl]

An "invitation" with that final phrasing would have ensured that I would not attend the get together.

If something like this happens again, what's the best way to politely decline the invitation?

I think I'd kind of make light of it a bit, like, "I don't know if I can handle that kind of pressure! (laugh) Maybe it isn't such a good idea to get together after all."

[Piratelvr1121]

If none of them are immunocompromised, then I think their stance is a bit ridiculous.  Kids are going to pick up everything going around in daycare or school and limiting their other exposure is kind of like closing the barn door after the horse escaped.

Absolutely.  I don't get too bent out of shape if my kids get colds here and there. It's going to happen when the boys are in school and are bringing stuff home unknowingly then loving on their baby brother. Thankfully no one's gotten sick...yet.

At the same time I try not to subject other people to my kid's illness when possible.  If a kid is home sick and I have to pick something up from the store like a script or something, they go with me but are ordered not to touch anything and sneeze or cough into their elbow.