Children and Colds

[Hmmmmm]

The thing I'd be offended by is her assumption that I would bring an ill person to a social event unless she told me not to. 

I wouldn't be worried about being around a person who had been having cold symptoms for 4 to 5 days as you described in your post (you called 3 days before event and your parents said they had been ill for several days before you called).

To me, quarantine time for a cold is around 3 or 4 days after symptoms present so I wouldn't have cancelled on my guests if my child got a cold 5 days before the event.

[darkprincess]

I agree with people that the host should have called the guests and let them know that someone in the family was sick especially because of her statement during the invitation.
I do wonder if this person lives in one of the areas with a whooping cough epidemic. The symptoms are the same as a cold but it lasts a lot longer. It is much worse for babies and can require hospitalization for babies. Unlike a cold, a person with whooping cough can infect others the whole time they are sick and that can mean over 4 weeks.
Right now everyone in my house has a cold, not whooping cough- we were tested. If someone comes over I let them know in advance that we all have a cold but I wont let them come in with cold symptoms unless they have also been tested and were negative for whooping cough. This isn't very likely because most people don't go to the doctor with a cold. It sounds a little hypocritical but we have to keep the newborn safe and we let everyone know if advance.

[turnip]

I will say that I have a friend with an immuno-compromised kid and she struggles with inviting people over.  The wording of the invite may have been clumsy, but it may have been the result of other guests coming over with little Susie who "just has a case of the sniffles" and then her child ending up in the hospital with a lung infection.

I can't justify them throwing the party with their own sick kids though.  It's so odd that I'd wonder if I misunderstood something. 

[violinp]

The thing I'd be offended by is her assumption that I would bring an ill person to a social event unless she told me not to. 

I wouldn't be worried about being around a person who had been having cold symptoms for 4 to 5 days as you described in your post (you called 3 days before event and your parents said they had been ill for several days before you called).

To me, quarantine time for a cold is around 3 or 4 days after symptoms present so I wouldn't have cancelled on my guests if my child got a cold 5 days before the event.

Having a kid with a runny nose and hacking cough does tend to dampen a mood, though, even if the child is not actually contagious. If the kids were still sick, they should've been at least in their rooms and resting, not playing with other kids. I have a sinus infection, and have been taking my meds faithfully and have improved vastly, but it still took it out of me to rehearse with my church choir last night, more than a week after the first symptoms showed up.

[Cat-Fu]

Honestly, I'd have assumed that "Make sure you're all healthy or you won't be allowed in" was a joke, seeing as it's pretty OTT.

[sweetonsno]

I will say that I have a friend with an immuno-compromised kid and she struggles with inviting people over.  The wording of the invite may have been clumsy, but it may have been the result of other guests coming over with little Susie who "just has a case of the sniffles" and then her child ending up in the hospital with a lung infection.

I can't justify them throwing the party with their own sick kids though.  It's so odd that I'd wonder if I misunderstood something.

This is pretty much what I thought. The wording was off, but I don't think the sentiment necessarily was. We all have different immune systems and react to bugs differently. What one person think is just allergies (or just something disagreeing with them) could be a nasty virus that really hits another person hard. It's not someone deliberately being rude (or even knowingly exposing others to germs), it's just somebody not realizing how bad their situation actually is.

[Hmmmmm]

The thing I'd be offended by is her assumption that I would bring an ill person to a social event unless she told me not to. 

I wouldn't be worried about being around a person who had been having cold symptoms for 4 to 5 days as you described in your post (you called 3 days before event and your parents said they had been ill for several days before you called).

To me, quarantine time for a cold is around 3 or 4 days after symptoms present so I wouldn't have cancelled on my guests if my child got a cold 5 days before the event.

Having a kid with a runny nose and hacking cough does tend to dampen a mood, though, even if the child is not actually contagious. If the kids were still sick, they should've been at least in their rooms and resting, not playing with other kids. I have a sinus infection, and have been taking my meds faithfully and have improved vastly, but it still took it out of me to rehearse with my church choir last night, more than a week after the first symptoms showed up.

I agree.  But it's a balancing act if you are trying to decide between cancelling out as the host of an event because of a runny noise or cough or going forward and dealing with sniffles and coughs.  As the host, I would have not wanted to cancel out on friends who had already accepted the invite and as a guest, I would not have been concerned about my health with a 5 day lead time between when the symptoms started.  Would I have preferred to not be around a runny, dripping nose?  Yes, but I wouldn't have been upset at the host inviting me. 

[Tea Drinker]

Beyond the annoyance with finding out that the hosts' children were sick, my response would have been "What do you mean by 'healthy'?" But that's partly Snarky Tea Drinker: they probably mean "make sure none of you has a contagious disease," but hay fever is less serious than diabetes and no more contagious.

If the concern is pertussis, the woman who issued that odd invitation could do what a friend of mine with an infant is doing. If someone who wants to visit has any sort of cough, and hasn't had a recent pertussis vaccine/booster, they have to wait until the symptoms go away. Yes, there are tests for pertussis, but nobody who is on day five of what they think is a cold is likely to bother getting tested.

[LadyClaire]

I will say that I have a friend with an immuno-compromised kid and she struggles with inviting people over.  The wording of the invite may have been clumsy, but it may have been the result of other guests coming over with little Susie who "just has a case of the sniffles" and then her child ending up in the hospital with a lung infection.

I can't justify them throwing the party with their own sick kids though.  It's so odd that I'd wonder if I misunderstood something.

This is pretty much what I thought. The wording was off, but I don't think the sentiment necessarily was. We all have different immune systems and react to bugs differently. What one person think is just allergies (or just something disagreeing with them) could be a nasty virus that really hits another person hard. It's not someone deliberately being rude (or even knowingly exposing others to germs), it's just somebody not realizing how bad their situation actually is.

One of my co-workers had a head cold that she assumed was just allergies. It spread through everyone in the office, and it hit another co-worker who has asthma so hard that she ended up missing multiple days of work, and didn't have any sick time left to cover those days.

[Emmy]

If I heard the request, I would be understanding.  I wouldn't want to bring germs into somebody else's home.  I do think it would be ironic if the host let her sick children mingle with the guests after telling you to stay home.  If the host was so worried about you bringing germs into her house, I would think she would be equally concerned with her children spreading them to other guests.

I have a story that makes me angry on my MIL's behalf.  MIL is 77, is in good health, and teaches home school.  One day a week, she picks up students to take them to where the home school is being held which is quite a long drive.  This immensely helps the parents who don't have to worry about transporting their child to and from school.  As you can probably guess, one of the students that MIL picked up had a cold and sneezed and coughed during the ride and failed to cover his mouth while doing so.  MIL was sick for a month.  I think MIL should have turned around and dropped him back home when it was obvious he was sick.  What kind of parent would allow their sick child in a car with an elderly woman not to mention the other students and teachers he would encounter that day?  It is sad that people are so self-absorbed that they don't think about others.

[acicularis]

I would have been extremely irritated by this situation. A few years ago, before one of my children had surgery, we took great pains to make sure she was not exposed to illness. If she got a cold, congestion, or fever her surgery would have had to be rescheduled for a few weeks alter. We would have had to repeat blood work, physical exams, etc. It was stressful enough that she needed surgery, without having to go through all that.

If someone told us not to come to an event if we were not healthy, I would assume I could safely bring my daughter without risk of exposing her to something. I mean, why would someone make such a request, yet think it was OK to expose other people to illness? It would never occur to me that someone could be so rude and thoughtless.

Let me amend what I said: if it happened now, I'd be irritated. If it had happened then, I would have been furious.

[SPuck]

I don't even think its a children's issue. If your sick you should stay home or at least inform people so they can take precautions. Last Christmas my sister-in-law started to get a cold and didn't tell the rest of the family until she had been staying with us for two days. I got a cold that lasted two weeks, and for some reason set off a cycle where I was stuffy inside all winter.

[Mikayla]

Honestly, I'd have assumed that "Make sure you're all healthy or you won't be allowed in" was a joke, seeing as it's pretty OTT.

I wondered this exact same thing.  Amongst my family and friends, I can see someone saying this very easily (as a joke).

OP, if you think this woman meant it seriously, I think you could say something like "We'll have to decline.  I can never predict who's about to become sick".