Author Topic: The birthday party that wasn't.....sort of  (Read 3513 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Oscar1

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 541
The birthday party that wasn't.....sort of
« on: September 23, 2012, 03:11:55 PM »
So DH and I got an invitation from some friends as follows: "You are invited to celebrate the first birthday of our daughter <name> on <time, date etc.> for coffee and cake." It arrived less than a week before the event so we figure we've been forgotten until the last minute. No problem. I had a prior commitment so DH goes with DD (and a birthday present) as he wants to see these friends, who we only see once a year or so.

He came home tonight and told me that when he got there, everyone was in suits and posh dresses. In short, it transpires today was the child's christening and it was the afterparty at their house that he was attending. Only he and one other family were in casual clothes, everyone else was dressed up and evidently had been to the church for the ceremony.

Firstly, isn't it a bit strange to invite people to the afterparty of a christening only? I know it can be done with weddings where you only invite people to the evening party but never heard it done with a christening. Secondly, shouldn't they have told us exactly what we were being invited to? DH was expecting a birthday party.

Opinions welcome!

violinp

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3536
  • cabbagegirl28's my sister :)
Re: The birthday party that wasn't.....sort of
« Reply #1 on: September 23, 2012, 03:20:14 PM »
Yes, they should have been more specific, but I'm also wondering how all but two families knew to wear dressy clothes. If everyone got the same invitation at the same time your family did, then I would imagine there'd be a lot more confusion. It almost sounds like you got a B - list invitation.  :-\ I hope that's not true, but I'm cynical enough to believe that it could happen.
"It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but even more to stand up to your friends" - Harry Potter


kajunchick

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 888
Re: The birthday party that wasn't.....sort of
« Reply #2 on: September 23, 2012, 03:31:49 PM »
Maybe they decided to combine the birthday party and reception at the last minute, and expanded the guest list. Still, they should have worded it differently. Something like, "celebrate her first birthday with a party immediately following the christening, etc." It put your DH in an uncomfortable position.
Everybody in this family needs to just calm down and eat some fruit or something.


Penguin_ar

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 163
Re: The birthday party that wasn't.....sort of
« Reply #3 on: September 23, 2012, 05:43:43 PM »
Christenings probably have a lot of regional/ cultural differences.  I'm from Ireland, and it would be considered rude/ strange to invite someone to the after party only and not the church part, UNLESS you knew they were of a religion which forbade going tinto a (Catholic) church.

LifeOnPluto

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6499
    • Blog
Re: The birthday party that wasn't.....sort of
« Reply #4 on: September 23, 2012, 11:03:14 PM »
OP, are you of a different religion  to this family (or a non-church-goer, etc)? (You don't have to answer this, it's just something to consider!)

If so, perhaps the family didn't invite you to the christening part, because they felt you wouldn't want to attend it?

Even so, I do think they were inconsiderate for not giving you the "heads up" that the party was a post-christening celebration.

Sharnita

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 21370
Re: The birthday party that wasn't.....sort of
« Reply #5 on: September 23, 2012, 11:10:49 PM »
I would be completely at a loss.  No advice or explanation but I would be confused and maybe a bit hurt.

Isometric

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 717
Re: The birthday party that wasn't.....sort of
« Reply #6 on: September 23, 2012, 11:12:41 PM »
I'm also wondering about the religious aspect of it, or maybe it was for family only?

But I agree, they should have been a bit more specific on the invite. I wouldn't wear formal clothes to a one year old's party either, so it was a little inconsiderate.

Thipu1

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6652
Re: The birthday party that wasn't.....sort of
« Reply #7 on: September 24, 2012, 11:16:39 AM »
Christenings probably have a lot of regional/ cultural differences.  I'm from Ireland, and it would be considered rude/ strange to invite someone to the after party only and not the church part, UNLESS you knew they were of a religion which forbade going tinto a (Catholic) church.

In my experience, this sort of invitation would not be considered odd.  In the Catholic church as I knew it, baptisms were rather intimate things.  The parents of the child, the godparents and the grandparents would attend the actual rite.  Friends and other family members would gather at the house to set up the party. 

Even if the baptism took place after a mass, the idea of 30 or 40 people around the font would have been considered strange. 

still in va

  • used to be gjcva1
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3517
Re: The birthday party that wasn't.....sort of
« Reply #8 on: September 24, 2012, 11:29:01 AM »
Christenings probably have a lot of regional/ cultural differences.  I'm from Ireland, and it would be considered rude/ strange to invite someone to the after party only and not the church part, UNLESS you knew they were of a religion which forbade going tinto a (Catholic) church.

In my experience, this sort of invitation would not be considered odd.  In the Catholic church as I knew it, baptisms were rather intimate things.  The parents of the child, the godparents and the grandparents would attend the actual rite.  Friends and other family members would gather at the house to set up the party. 

Even if the baptism took place after a mass, the idea of 30 or 40 people around the font would have been considered strange.

my grandson was christened on September 2.  there were 30 family and friends in attendance.  the only people around the font was the parents, godparents, officiant, and the baptizee himself.  the rest of us sat in the pews.

violinp

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3536
  • cabbagegirl28's my sister :)
Re: The birthday party that wasn't.....sort of
« Reply #9 on: September 24, 2012, 11:36:32 AM »
Christenings probably have a lot of regional/ cultural differences.  I'm from Ireland, and it would be considered rude/ strange to invite someone to the after party only and not the church part, UNLESS you knew they were of a religion which forbade going tinto a (Catholic) church.

In my experience, this sort of invitation would not be considered odd.  In the Catholic church as I knew it, baptisms were rather intimate things.  The parents of the child, the godparents and the grandparents would attend the actual rite.  Friends and other family members would gather at the house to set up the party. 

Even if the baptism took place after a mass, the idea of 30 or 40 people around the font would have been considered strange.

my grandson was christened on September 2.  there were 30 family and friends in attendance.  the only people around the font was the parents, godparents, officiant, and the baptizee himself.  the rest of us sat in the pews.

This. At baptisms at my church, there have always been more people there for the child than there are at the font. Grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins all just sit in the front pews.
"It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but even more to stand up to your friends" - Harry Potter


Thipu1

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6652
Re: The birthday party that wasn't.....sort of
« Reply #10 on: September 24, 2012, 11:50:59 AM »
That's interesting to learn. 

The last Catholic baptism I attended was in 1972 or thereabouts.  That's 40 years ago.  We have been invited to baptism parties since but have never been told the time or place of the actual ceremony.

Thank you. 

Winterlight

  • On the internet, no one can tell you're a dog- arf.
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 9735
Re: The birthday party that wasn't.....sort of
« Reply #11 on: September 24, 2012, 12:34:52 PM »
Maybe they decided to combine the birthday party and reception at the last minute, and expanded the guest list. Still, they should have worded it differently. Something like, "celebrate her first birthday with a party immediately following the christening, etc." It put your DH in an uncomfortable position.

Agreed. They should have clarified the formality of the event.
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

gmatoy

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1269
Re: The birthday party that wasn't.....sort of
« Reply #12 on: September 25, 2012, 02:29:06 AM »
This thread made me remember when I thought I was invited to the baptism and the party after the baptism for a neighbor's baby. Turns out that they were very surprised that I came to the actual baptism! ( But they were a little pleased, too.)


staceym

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 434
Re: The birthday party that wasn't.....sort of
« Reply #13 on: September 25, 2012, 12:02:22 PM »
Secondly, shouldn't they have told us exactly what we were being invited to? DH was expecting a birthday party.

Opinions welcome!
[/quote]

yes, you should have been told - but was it also the little girl's birthday and they had a double celebration (did they have a cake and sing happy birthday??)  and that your familly was invited to the birthday party.