The birthday party that wasn't.....sort of

[Oscar1]

So DH and I got an invitation from some friends as follows: "You are invited to celebrate the first birthday of our daughter <name> on <time, date etc.> for coffee and cake." It arrived less than a week before the event so we figure we've been forgotten until the last minute. No problem. I had a prior commitment so DH goes with DD (and a birthday present) as he wants to see these friends, who we only see once a year or so.

He came home tonight and told me that when he got there, everyone was in suits and posh dresses. In short, it transpires today was the child's christening and it was the afterparty at their house that he was attending. Only he and one other family were in casual clothes, everyone else was dressed up and evidently had been to the church for the ceremony.

Firstly, isn't it a bit strange to invite people to the afterparty of a christening only? I know it can be done with weddings where you only invite people to the evening party but never heard it done with a christening. Secondly, shouldn't they have told us exactly what we were being invited to? DH was expecting a birthday party.

Opinions welcome!

[violinp]

Yes, they should have been more specific, but I'm also wondering how all but two families knew to wear dressy clothes. If everyone got the same invitation at the same time your family did, then I would imagine there'd be a lot more confusion. It almost sounds like you got a B - list invitation.  I hope that's not true, but I'm cynical enough to believe that it could happen.

[kajunchick]

Maybe they decided to combine the birthday party and reception at the last minute, and expanded the guest list. Still, they should have worded it differently. Something like, "celebrate her first birthday with a party immediately following the christening, etc." It put your DH in an uncomfortable position.

[Penguin_ar]

Christenings probably have a lot of regional/ cultural differences.  I'm from Ireland, and it would be considered rude/ strange to invite someone to the after party only and not the church part, UNLESS you knew they were of a religion which forbade going tinto a (Catholic) church.

[LifeOnPluto]

OP, are you of a different religion  to this family (or a non-church-goer, etc)? (You don't have to answer this, it's just something to consider!)

If so, perhaps the family didn't invite you to the christening part, because they felt you wouldn't want to attend it?

Even so, I do think they were inconsiderate for not giving you the "heads up" that the party was a post-christening celebration.

[Sharnita]

I would be completely at a loss.  No advice or explanation but I would be confused and maybe a bit hurt.

[Isometric]

I'm also wondering about the religious aspect of it, or maybe it was for family only?

But I agree, they should have been a bit more specific on the invite. I wouldn't wear formal clothes to a one year old's party either, so it was a little inconsiderate.

[Thipu1]

Christenings probably have a lot of regional/ cultural differences.  I'm from Ireland, and it would be considered rude/ strange to invite someone to the after party only and not the church part, UNLESS you knew they were of a religion which forbade going tinto a (Catholic) church.

In my experience, this sort of invitation would not be considered odd.  In the Catholic church as I knew it, baptisms were rather intimate things.  The parents of the child, the godparents and the grandparents would attend the actual rite.  Friends and other family members would gather at the house to set up the party. 

Even if the baptism took place after a mass, the idea of 30 or 40 people around the font would have been considered strange. 

[still in va]

Christenings probably have a lot of regional/ cultural differences.  I'm from Ireland, and it would be considered rude/ strange to invite someone to the after party only and not the church part, UNLESS you knew they were of a religion which forbade going tinto a (Catholic) church.

In my experience, this sort of invitation would not be considered odd.  In the Catholic church as I knew it, baptisms were rather intimate things.  The parents of the child, the godparents and the grandparents would attend the actual rite.  Friends and other family members would gather at the house to set up the party. 

Even if the baptism took place after a mass, the idea of 30 or 40 people around the font would have been considered strange.

my grandson was christened on September 2.  there were 30 family and friends in attendance.  the only people around the font was the parents, godparents, officiant, and the baptizee himself.  the rest of us sat in the pews.

[violinp]

Christenings probably have a lot of regional/ cultural differences.  I'm from Ireland, and it would be considered rude/ strange to invite someone to the after party only and not the church part, UNLESS you knew they were of a religion which forbade going tinto a (Catholic) church.

In my experience, this sort of invitation would not be considered odd.  In the Catholic church as I knew it, baptisms were rather intimate things.  The parents of the child, the godparents and the grandparents would attend the actual rite.  Friends and other family members would gather at the house to set up the party. 

Even if the baptism took place after a mass, the idea of 30 or 40 people around the font would have been considered strange.

my grandson was christened on September 2.  there were 30 family and friends in attendance.  the only people around the font was the parents, godparents, officiant, and the baptizee himself.  the rest of us sat in the pews.

This. At baptisms at my church, there have always been more people there for the child than there are at the font. Grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins all just sit in the front pews.

[Thipu1]

That's interesting to learn. 

The last Catholic baptism I attended was in 1972 or thereabouts.  That's 40 years ago.  We have been invited to baptism parties since but have never been told the time or place of the actual ceremony.

Thank you. 

[Winterlight]

Maybe they decided to combine the birthday party and reception at the last minute, and expanded the guest list. Still, they should have worded it differently. Something like, "celebrate her first birthday with a party immediately following the christening, etc." It put your DH in an uncomfortable position.

Agreed. They should have clarified the formality of the event.

[gmatoy]

This thread made me remember when I thought I was invited to the baptism and the party after the baptism for a neighbor's baby. Turns out that they were very surprised that I came to the actual baptism! ( But they were a little pleased, too.)

[staceym]

Secondly, shouldn't they have told us exactly what we were being invited to? DH was expecting a birthday party.

Opinions welcome!
[/quote]

yes, you should have been told - but was it also the little girl's birthday and they had a double celebration (did they have a cake and sing happy birthday??)  and that your familly was invited to the birthday party.