Author Topic: Am I rude to ask for to find her own way home?  (Read 32457 times)

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secretrebel

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Re: Am I rude to ask for to find her own way home?
« Reply #105 on: October 03, 2012, 11:58:59 AM »
OP I think if you want to give her notice there's nothing wrong with that, it's your call.   However I would caution you to be careful about a vague 2-3 weeks or similar.   You need a specific, definite date upfront, otherwise you risk it dragging out.    So decide exactly what you are comfortable with and stick to it from the start.

I like the idea of a definite end date. How about 19 august or 26 August? Both are Fridays.

NyaChan

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Re: Am I rude to ask for to find her own way home?
« Reply #106 on: October 03, 2012, 12:01:19 PM »
OP I think if you want to give her notice there's nothing wrong with that, it's your call.   However I would caution you to be careful about a vague 2-3 weeks or similar.   You need a specific, definite date upfront, otherwise you risk it dragging out.    So decide exactly what you are comfortable with and stick to it from the start.

I like the idea of a definite end date. How about 19 august or 26 August? Both are Fridays.

huh?  ;) Had a definite moment where i was like oh good, i have plenty of time for- wait....No, that can't be right. lol can you tell I am the sort of person whose friends heave a sigh of relief when i show up for the right class at the right time in the right room?  I think my bff's blood pressure went down a bit when I purchased a daily planner for this year.

LeveeWoman

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Re: Am I rude to ask for to find her own way home?
« Reply #107 on: October 03, 2012, 12:08:30 PM »
Am I the only one who has this playing in her head?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDAttqJ3qcg

ncgal

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Re: Am I rude to ask for to find her own way home?
« Reply #108 on: October 03, 2012, 12:26:12 PM »
My two cents and it is worth about what you are paying for it....


if she is off now between contracts, then contact her now and let her know that upon her return, you will no longer be able to assist her.   For contact means, I would contact her how ever you would contact her if you were going to be out sick one day...your normal means of contact. 

That way you are giving her notice now that she needs to find a ride and with her being out of the office, you hopefully will not hear comments for at least a day or two from your co-workers about giving her a ride.

TheaterDiva1

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Re: Am I rude to ask for to find her own way home?
« Reply #109 on: October 03, 2012, 12:49:56 PM »
I like the idea of a definite end date. How about 19 august or 26 August? Both are Fridays.

I swear to deity, before I saw this, I had just posted on Twitter/Facebook about how October should be the 8th month since "octo-" means 8 and this should be August!!!

OP, can you call her this week?  Don't wait until you see her - give her a heads up now that you can't do it anymore, and she has until Monday to come up with another plan (like drive her own darn car!).

Giggity

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Re: Am I rude to ask for to find her own way home?
« Reply #110 on: October 03, 2012, 03:19:55 PM »
I will of course give her 2 or even three weeks to find another ride.

Why?
Words mean things.

rain

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Re: Am I rude to ask for to find her own way home?
« Reply #111 on: October 03, 2012, 07:57:49 PM »
My two cents and it is worth about what you are paying for it....


if she is off now between contracts, then contact her now and let her know that upon her return, you will no longer be able to assist her.   For contact means, I would contact her how ever you would contact her if you were going to be out sick one day...your normal means of contact. 

That way you are giving her notice now that she needs to find a ride and with her being out of the office, you hopefully will not hear comments for at least a day or two from your coworkers about giving her a ride.


ITA with everyone who said call her now (especially the idea about a script)'

Think if it this way - the original deal was until she got a car ( you decided to wait until the contract ran out).  SHE & HER DH HAVE A CAR AND THE CONTRACT DID RUN OUT.  - just because she has a new one does NOT obligate you to continue.
"oh we thank thee lord for the things we need, like the wind and the rain and the apple seed"

Ceallach

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Re: Am I rude to ask for to find her own way home?
« Reply #112 on: October 03, 2012, 10:01:02 PM »
I will of course give her 2 or even three weeks to find another ride.

Why?

I'm not the OP, but my guess would be:

-because she wants to minimize the impact on the coworker
-because she has to continue working with this lady and wants to maintain as "nice" a relationship as possible
-to appear to external parties (fellow coworkers) to be fair and reasonable and minimize any workplace unpleasantness which while shouldn't happen in reality might, people being as nosy and rude as they are
-because after letting it drag on for so long she feels bad cutting off cold turkey (she feels bad enough cutting off at all, it's harder if you feel you haven't even warned the other person).

Of course, none of these things are necessary and the OP is not required to give the lady any notice, but I completely understand why she feels it's something she wants to do.    I don't think there's anything wrong with that if it makes her feel more comfortable with her decision. 
"Nobody can do everything, but everybody can do something"


SoCalVal

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Re: Am I rude to ask for to find her own way home?
« Reply #113 on: October 03, 2012, 10:19:28 PM »
I will of course give her 2 or even three weeks to find another ride.

Why?

I'm not the OP, but my guess would be:

-because she wants to minimize the impact on the coworker
-because she has to continue working with this lady and wants to maintain as "nice" a relationship as possible
-to appear to external parties (fellow coworkers) to be fair and reasonable and minimize any workplace unpleasantness which while shouldn't happen in reality might, people being as nosy and rude as they are
-because after letting it drag on for so long she feels bad cutting off cold turkey (she feels bad enough cutting off at all, it's harder if you feel you haven't even warned the other person).

Of course, none of these things are necessary and the OP is not required to give the lady any notice, but I completely understand why she feels it's something she wants to do.    I don't think there's anything wrong with that if it makes her feel more comfortable with her decision.

I understand wanting to make this as painless a transition as possible, but I could also see other coworkers (like the one who feels the OP should keep doing this) feeling that if the OP were going to cease the carpooling, then she should've mentioned it prior to the start of the new contract (I could also see CW AND her DH feeling the same way).  Also, they could point out that mentioning it between contracts would be when CW could/would have time to make other arrangements, instead of trying to find the time to do so while working.

I really don't think, in the PoV of those who think OP should continue (buttinsky CW and moocher CW) that OP will come out looking good in this, no matter when she decides to cease the carpooling, so I think she might as well cease ASAP.



kareng57

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Re: Am I rude to ask for to find her own way home?
« Reply #114 on: October 03, 2012, 10:23:27 PM »
I will of course give her 2 or even three weeks to find another ride.

Why?

I'm not the OP, but my guess would be:

-because she wants to minimize the impact on the coworker
-because she has to continue working with this lady and wants to maintain as "nice" a relationship as possible
-to appear to external parties (fellow coworkers) to be fair and reasonable and minimize any workplace unpleasantness which while shouldn't happen in reality might, people being as nosy and rude as they are
-because after letting it drag on for so long she feels bad cutting off cold turkey (she feels bad enough cutting off at all, it's harder if you feel you haven't even warned the other person).

Of course, none of these things are necessary and the OP is not required to give the lady any notice, but I completely understand why she feels it's something she wants to do.    I don't think there's anything wrong with that if it makes her feel more comfortable with her decision.


Fair enough, but I think the downside is that the more notice that OP gives - the more likely that Passenger will think that the ride situation will continue to extend indefinitely.

I think one week is fine - two, at the outside.  Three weeks could be just too much to expect that Passenger will take it seriously.

Ceallach

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Re: Am I rude to ask for to find her own way home?
« Reply #115 on: October 03, 2012, 11:28:49 PM »
I will of course give her 2 or even three weeks to find another ride.

Why?

I'm not the OP, but my guess would be:

-because she wants to minimize the impact on the coworker
-because she has to continue working with this lady and wants to maintain as "nice" a relationship as possible
-to appear to external parties (fellow coworkers) to be fair and reasonable and minimize any workplace unpleasantness which while shouldn't happen in reality might, people being as nosy and rude as they are
-because after letting it drag on for so long she feels bad cutting off cold turkey (she feels bad enough cutting off at all, it's harder if you feel you haven't even warned the other person).

Of course, none of these things are necessary and the OP is not required to give the lady any notice, but I completely understand why she feels it's something she wants to do.    I don't think there's anything wrong with that if it makes her feel more comfortable with her decision.


Fair enough, but I think the downside is that the more notice that OP gives - the more likely that Passenger will think that the ride situation will continue to extend indefinitely.

I think one week is fine - two, at the outside.  Three weeks could be just too much to expect that Passenger will take it seriously.

Oh I do agree, which is why I think it's so crucial to be specific, definite and strict on it.   The longer it drags out the easier it is to get cold feet on these hard decisions. 
"Nobody can do everything, but everybody can do something"


Giggity

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Re: Am I rude to ask for to find her own way home?
« Reply #116 on: October 04, 2012, 08:07:50 AM »
That's why I asked the *OP* why she plans to give more time. We can speculate all day, but it's sort of pointless.
Words mean things.

still in va

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Re: Am I rude to ask for to find her own way home?
« Reply #117 on: October 04, 2012, 09:03:11 AM »
I will of course give her 2 or even three weeks to find another ride.

Why?

I'm not the OP, but my guess would be:

-because she wants to minimize the impact on the coworker
-because she has to continue working with this lady and wants to maintain as "nice" a relationship as possible
-to appear to external parties (fellow coworkers) to be fair and reasonable and minimize any workplace unpleasantness which while shouldn't happen in reality might, people being as nosy and rude as they are
-because after letting it drag on for so long she feels bad cutting off cold turkey (she feels bad enough cutting off at all, it's harder if you feel you haven't even warned the other person).

Of course, none of these things are necessary and the OP is not required to give the lady any notice, but I completely understand why she feels it's something she wants to do.    I don't think there's anything wrong with that if it makes her feel more comfortable with her decision.

this thread was started on September 23rd, and the CW had already been informed that the rides would stop.  that's nearly two weeks of notice that the CW would need to make other arrangements for transportation.  another two or three weeks before ceasing to give rides would lead the CW to believe that gen xer has changed her mind.

bopper

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Re: Am I rude to ask for to find her own way home?
« Reply #118 on: October 04, 2012, 09:12:04 AM »
I like the idea of a definite end date. How about 19 august or 26 August? Both are Fridays.

I swear to deity, before I saw this, I had just posted on Twitter/Facebook about how October should be the 8th month since "octo-" means 8 and this should be August!!!


OT:  October was the eighth month on the Roman calendar out of ten. When Pope Gregory XII ordered the change in the calendar in 1592 it retained its name in the Gregorian calendar even though it became the tenth month.

Roe

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Re: Am I rude to ask for to find her own way home?
« Reply #119 on: October 04, 2012, 11:40:08 AM »
I will of course give her 2 or even three weeks to find another ride.

Why?

I'm not the OP, but my guess would be:

-because she wants to minimize the impact on the coworker
-because she has to continue working with this lady and wants to maintain as "nice" a relationship as possible
-to appear to external parties (fellow coworkers) to be fair and reasonable and minimize any workplace unpleasantness which while shouldn't happen in reality might, people being as nosy and rude as they are
-because after letting it drag on for so long she feels bad cutting off cold turkey (she feels bad enough cutting off at all, it's harder if you feel you haven't even warned the other person).

Of course, none of these things are necessary and the OP is not required to give the lady any notice, but I completely understand why she feels it's something she wants to do.    I don't think there's anything wrong with that if it makes her feel more comfortable with her decision.

this thread was started on September 23rd, and the CW had already been informed that the rides would stop.  that's nearly two weeks of notice that the CW would need to make other arrangements for transportation.  another two or three weeks before ceasing to give rides would lead the CW to believe that gen xer has changed her mind.

Yeah, it's been a few weeks already. Something tells me the OP will be driving Miss Daisy yet again on Monday. 

I can appreciate how difficult it is to say 'no' but I hope the OP practices it and uses it soon.  I can't wait to read an update of "no more rides." *crossing fingers for the OP*  :)