I'm with this. I've read countless threads on this forum where posters say, "People can ask for whatever they want. You can say 'no'. They should accept your 'no' gracefully."
I don't think the OP's co-worker is being rude. How can she possibly know that this is an imposition if Gen Xr doesn't tell her? People are different. Maybe if the situation was reversed this wouldn't bother Gen Xr's rider at all to do the same favor.
I think Gen Xr, is like a lot of people that think that other people think the way we do. And they don't. Because they're different. OP would never impose on someone like this, but other people actually do these favors and it doesn't bother them so we HAVE to tell people 'no, I can't/won't do that,' instead of doing it and becoming resentful. Having followed other threads where the OP developed a spine of titanium, I've no doubt Gen Xr will shore up her own and handle this quite well.
I agree. I have friends who are quite generous, both with time, money and anything else any of their friends or family asks for. However, this leads to them sometimes being taken advantage of, although they are pretty good about telling the offenders hey, this has to stop, and when. They've had many friends, co-workers etc. stay wiht them for varying amounts of time, and only a couple of times have had to say hey, you need to go now.
Me, on the other hand, canno't even fathom, even if i Had the room, letting someone move in for an undefined period of time. I get twitchy and want my space back after TWO nights of one visitor!
I hear you! When one of my relatives made noises about moving in with me and my family, I said, "sure, my house rules are (naming copious amounts of intrusive, pain-in-the-butt, however perfectly reasonable rules) and I'd need a move-out time frame." That relative dropped the subject right there.
I like my space. I would NOT like someone moving in with me, but this was family and I genuinely meant the offer. But if the relative said 'yes' and accepted my house rules, then we'd get along very well for the duration of the stay.
On topic, I'da never said 'yes' to carpooling. I'd HATE being tied down like that for work. So glad I telecommute. In the store rarely and I set my own hours.
Gen Xr, I don't know if you're single, but if you're married a spouse might care about you coming home later or leaving earlier because of it. I only mention this because many years ago (when my spine was made of overcooked spaghetti) I tentatively agreed to babysit for a friend without even discussing it with my spouse. My DH was mad. He really felt I couldn't unilaterally make that decision since it affected our whole family. To this day I don't know why I didn't tell friend, "No, sorry, that won't be possible." I actually thought I HAD to consider it and do it because I was a SAHM and what else did I have to do besides look after kids? The thought, "no, I don't WANT to" crossed my mind, but I couldn't say it.
So I had to go back to my friend and tell her 'no'. She was annoyed but when the ground didn't open, the universe didn't split and the earth kept spinning on it's axis, I discovered then that I could say 'no' and things would be okay. People could be annoyed with me and things were still okay. It was a major turning point for me.
Topic: Am I rude to ask for to find her own way home? (Read 66827 times)