Author Topic: Am I rude to ask for to find her own way home?  (Read 29322 times)

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Lindee

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Re: Am I rude to ask for to find her own way home?
« Reply #165 on: October 14, 2012, 08:58:09 PM »
and don't forget the leaving later and getting home earlier bit.....

bopper

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Re: Am I rude to ask for to find her own way home?
« Reply #166 on: October 15, 2012, 11:15:01 AM »
And remember, if any other coworkers provide you any feedback on your decision, just say "Great! I will tell her that you are interested in helping her arrange a new ride.  I have done my share, time for someone else to step up!"

Chickadee

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Re: Am I rude to ask for to find her own way home?
« Reply #167 on: October 15, 2012, 12:35:37 PM »
How much do you wanna' bet her husband is bringing her?

Oh no.....she would hitchhike with Jack the Ripper before she asked her husband to lift a finger.  On the weekends she takes the bus uptown if she wants to go shopping just so her husband can have the car.

There have been a couple of times when she has been fretting about doing something or going somewhere and when I asked why she didn't just drive there - I know she can drive because she actually asks to borrow other people's cars on occasion - her response was always..."well hubby might want the car and I don't want to inconvenience him by asking him to drive me."

Oh yes....that flabbergasted me.
 :o
I'm not kidding - she will inconvenience others but it is absolutely unthinkable that she would ask anything of him.

This is certainly no excuse for the way she has taken advantage of you, but I wonder if she doesn't have a valid driver's license. That could perhaps explain why she refuses to ever use her husband's vehicle.

LeveeWoman

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Re: Am I rude to ask for to find her own way home?
« Reply #168 on: October 15, 2012, 12:50:35 PM »
How much do you wanna' bet her husband is bringing her?

Oh no.....she would hitchhike with Jack the Ripper before she asked her husband to lift a finger.  On the weekends she takes the bus uptown if she wants to go shopping just so her husband can have the car.

There have been a couple of times when she has been fretting about doing something or going somewhere and when I asked why she didn't just drive there - I know she can drive because she actually asks to borrow other people's cars on occasion - her response was always..."well hubby might want the car and I don't want to inconvenience him by asking him to drive me."

Oh yes....that flabbergasted me.
 :o
I'm not kidding - she will inconvenience others but it is absolutely unthinkable that she would ask anything of him.

This is certainly no excuse for the way she has taken advantage of you, but I wonder if she doesn't have a valid driver's license. That could perhaps explain why she refuses to ever use her husband's vehicle.

Why would she borrow other people's car if she doesn't have a license to drive?

Chickadee

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Re: Am I rude to ask for to find her own way home?
« Reply #169 on: October 15, 2012, 01:12:36 PM »
How much do you wanna' bet her husband is bringing her?

Oh no.....she would hitchhike with Jack the Ripper before she asked her husband to lift a finger.  On the weekends she takes the bus uptown if she wants to go shopping just so her husband can have the car.

There have been a couple of times when she has been fretting about doing something or going somewhere and when I asked why she didn't just drive there - I know she can drive because she actually asks to borrow other people's cars on occasion - her response was always..."well hubby might want the car and I don't want to inconvenience him by asking him to drive me."

Oh yes....that flabbergasted me.
 :o
I'm not kidding - she will inconvenience others but it is absolutely unthinkable that she would ask anything of him.

This is certainly no excuse for the way she has taken advantage of you, but I wonder if she doesn't have a valid driver's license. That could perhaps explain why she refuses to ever use her husband's vehicle.

Why would she borrow other people's car if she doesn't have a license to drive?

My line of thinking was her husband wouldn't let her take his vehicle because he knows she does not have a valid license, but other people may not know that.

Kind of a stretch, I know, but I'm pulling from my own experience. I let a friend borrow my car, not knowing that he did not have a valid driver's license. When he got stopped for speeding, the police impounded my car  >:(.

LeveeWoman

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Re: Am I rude to ask for to find her own way home?
« Reply #170 on: October 15, 2012, 01:24:32 PM »
That's horrific, Chickadee! How many would think to ask an adult if she or he had a license to drive? Most would assume the asker had one. But, that's a bad assumption, as you unfortunately found out.

Unless gen xer posts otherwise, I'll assume that the mooch does have  license.

Chickadee

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Re: Am I rude to ask for to find her own way home?
« Reply #171 on: October 15, 2012, 01:31:07 PM »
I agree with you LeveeWoman, she most likely does have a license. I do wonder why she is so unwilling to ask her DH for anything.

LeveeWoman

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Re: Am I rude to ask for to find her own way home?
« Reply #172 on: October 15, 2012, 02:22:55 PM »
I agree with you LeveeWoman, she most likely does have a license. I do wonder why she is so unwilling to ask her DH for anything.

I have no idea. It doesn't sound healthy to me.

Amara

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Re: Am I rude to ask for to find her own way home?
« Reply #173 on: October 15, 2012, 02:29:28 PM »
OP, did you stop driving her immediately? How has she been acting toward you at work?

PastryGoddess

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Re: Am I rude to ask for to find her own way home?
« Reply #174 on: October 15, 2012, 03:12:19 PM »
I don't want to get this thread locked, so maybe we should stop focusing on the state of her marriage
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Roe

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Re: Am I rude to ask for to find her own way home?
« Reply #175 on: October 15, 2012, 03:14:33 PM »
I don't want to get this thread locked, so maybe we should stop focusing on the state of her marriage

I agree.  The state of anyone's marriage is not our business.

Back to topic...OP, how have the last few days gone?  Is she still giving you the cold shoulder?

VorFemme

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Re: Am I rude to ask for to find her own way home?
« Reply #176 on: October 15, 2012, 03:39:38 PM »
VorGuy once asked to see a house guest's license before giving them the keys to the spare car.

What he didn't do was read it to see what the restrictions were on the license.

Being a suspicious person, I asked to see it later.....it was a learner's permit (required a licensed driver over 21 years of age in the front passenger seat).  I took the keys away immediately & privately let VorGuy have a verbal blast about NOT CHECKING the fine print.

Which is when I realized that he couldn't SEE the fine print with the glasses that he had then.  He got taken in for an eye exam.

We got a bit of a cold shoulder from the guest, too - because they had HAD the use of the car and it wasn't FAIR to take it away from them.  They hadn't hidden the license from us (but they had been careful not to mention that it was a permit and not a license).  I apportioned "blame" 55/45.  He should have LOOKED at it harder and they shouldn't have lied by omission because they KNEW that they couldn't legally drive with the permit.  HE was older & the owner of the vehicle - so he should have made sure that he was loaning it only to a legal driver - because they weren't named on our insurance policy, if anything went wrong - our insurance rates would have soared (at best). 

We lucked out. 

The OP's "car pool rider" might be old enough to have a license - but not want to admit that her eyesight isn't what it used to be or that she doesn't LIKE driving herself or even that it is only a learner's permit......but that isn't the OP's issue to resolve.  It belongs to the woman who is going to have to find another way to work or quit working.....and as an adult, she should "own" that!
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jane7166

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Re: Am I rude to ask for to find her own way home?
« Reply #177 on: October 15, 2012, 03:50:02 PM »
OP, since your former passenger thinks she will need to quit her job, maybe her husband will step up and get one.  So, it's all good! 

doodlemor

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Re: Am I rude to ask for to find her own way home?
« Reply #178 on: October 15, 2012, 04:24:12 PM »
You did the right thing here, OP.  The woman is entitled.

Next time you feel yourself getting nervous about this situation, think about how her time mooching has taken time away from your children.  Even if they were in school during the rides, chatting with her took time that you might have been thinking of things to do with them, or even just thinking happy thoughts about your kids.

Work up some [deserved] righteous indignation about how she has been using you, and ignore any attempts to make you feel guilty.