I'll try to keep it short: me and DH are expecting our first (hooray!) I'm about 10 days away from my due date.
The relationship between us and DH's mom has always been rocky. Things seemed on the mend after he moved out, but dipped down after our wedding again. At 8 weeks pregnant, we went over there to share the good news. The day after that, we got a mail in DH's inbox from her. It basically stated that she had no interest in any further contact, she had her life and he had his, and if he wanted to meet up with his dad, she'd prefer if he did so when she was not at home.
So yes, he basically got a cut direct from his mom.
DH was prepared for some kind of reaction, but not to that extend. He's been dealing graciously with it in my opinion; he respects her wish and leaves her alone, and only tells the truth to people if they ask him 'so how's your mom dealing with all this?'. Which isn't badmouthing, he sticks to the simple truth and then changes the subject.
Anyway, we were planning to call his dad when the baby gets here, just a simple phone call to say the baby was born, and see how it went from there. We haven't seen his dad a lot since the pregnancy, and he never really asked anything about it, but DH thought he was maybe just trying to keep the family from fighting. And if his mom then suddenly decided to switch around, we'd work from there.
.. except last weekend, we learned that his parents have left for a trip out of the country, and they won't be back for three weeks. Which means they will not be around when the baby comes.
I'm not saying everybody should put their lives on hold for our baby, but... it was quite a shock to DH that they didn't even notify him of this. He had to hear this from his grandmother. That his dad wouldn't even drop him a line or something really hurt him.
We're trying not to let it get to us, but I've been wondering what to do about notifying them now?
Part of me wants to just not call them and let them find the birth announcement in their mail when they get back, but that's probably rude.
So should DH still call his dad after the birth? Maybe send him a text message? What's the etiquette on this?
If we don't say anything I just know she'll go on a wailing rampage along the lines of 'my own son didn't even call me when his baby was born!'. But if we do call, she'll probably be mad as well, because she gave us the cut direct.
And how do we explain this to his other grandmother? I'm afraid my hormones might get the better of me at one point, and next time someone asks me where his parents are, I might not be so nice.