OP here again...
So, we're having a problem here. Today, DH's sister visited us for new year. She mentioned 'dad is coming over later today'. Okay... we asked her if DH's mom would come along too. She said she wasn't sure, but she thought not.
Doorbell goes... and there they are, both of them. DH's dad strides in and gives me a very happy new year, beaming. I can hear DH and his mom talking in the hallway, without hearing what they're on about. (once they were gone DH told me he caught his mom in the hallway to tell her to be civil. She then wanted to leave, but DH told her 'I'm not telling you to leave, you're welcome, but be civil.' She decided to stay).
So the visit went pretty well. They were all pleasant, gifts were given, and after a couple of hours they all left.
... except half an hour after they left, DH gets a phone call from his mom. It was a very long phone call, and he had to repeat 'mom, stop yelling, I can't understand you' quite a few times.
Long story short, DH told her that she was welcome here and that he would like it if there could be a relationship
with Baby and her as a grandmother. She replied that she still did not feel like she could have a relationship
with us, and that she did not feel the need to be a grandmother. She literally said 'I can't change.' She admitted that she came along just because of his father. DH asked her to be fair and tell his dad what was up. She replied that he did know, and that they had 'an understanding.'
So as far as I can gather, this is the situation:
DH's mom wants nothing to do with us, or our baby.
DH's father knows this.
DH's mom is still going to come around whenever DH's father wants to visit us. (
So here's my dilemma; I really, really don't want her in my house if she doesn't want to be here. I don't want her to shower us with gifts, yet stand back and not give our daughter any attention. Baby doesn't understand now, but what about once she gets older? I'd rather have a 'grandma is not here' than a 'why does grandma ignore me?' situation.
Both me and DH are a bit at a loss at what to do now... I'm thinking it might be best if he either tells his dad to please leave her at home, or tell his mom that she's no longer welcome. But the second one sounds quite harsh.
Also, what about these gifts?? Far as I understand the baby clothes are a gift from DH's father and not from her, but they also gave us two movie tickets, and 200 Euro in cash. Since the visit went well, we accepted them with many thanks, but now I feel like I should just give it back. I mean, I can't very well take her money and then tell her to stay out of my house, can I?