My grandmother's 90th birthday is coming up. My dad thought it would be neat to take family photos, print them on fabric, and make a little lap quilt with them. Which means he gets the pics from everyone and prints them and I quilt everything, since he doesn't sew. Grandma used to be a spectacular quilter and for the past few years has been very focused on sharing old family photos and stories, so this is definitely a gift she would appreciate.
Since I'm assembling the quilt, I gave him some specifications for how large the photos could be and how many I could use. When he came to drop off the pictures, he had two times as many photos printed as I told him I needed. I worked with him a bit to figure out which ones we were going to use and which could be reprinted smaller so that I can include more pictures in in the design.
In narrowing down the pictures of people to include, I've tried to focus on who Grandma considers family. So, for instance, I am dropping the picture of my aunt's former parents-in-law (grandparents to my cousins). My grandparents like my cousins' other grandparents, but I'm sure my grandma doesn't consider them *her* family.
So, here's the rub: Dad wants to include a picture of himself with his girlfriend of one year, Becky. They don't live together, they aren't engaged, and I'm pretty certain that Grandma doesn't consider Becky to be family (yet, but who knows what the future holds). Also, grandma has no tact and I'm quite sure will say something about it if I include the photo (in front of Becky, no doubt, since she'll be at Grandma's party). Should I ask dad whether he wants to risk that? Include the picture and wash my hands of it?
On the one hand, Dad was open to seeing another point of view when I told him that if he wanted to include my aunt's late ex-husband (father of my cousins), then we should include a picture of my mom, Dad's late ex-wife (we decided to skip both people in this instance). On the other hand, I don't think that Dad sees that most of the rest of the family is not as in love with Becky as he is. His past two wives were horrible people and, having been burned, the rest of us just haven't been ready to leap into love with Becky without getting to know her better. We like her, we're nice to her, we want to know her better, but we aren't there yet. (Yes, I've had this conversation with both my grandma and aunt. No, I didn't bring it up.)