Because they're scared they won't have any friends if they do. They're scared that that's the best they can do. I know it's not a pretty answer, but that's the answer kids that age give. They value being accepted by their peers, sometimes to the detriment of their familial rel@tionships.
Exactly. They have always preferred each other's company to poor company up until our move. I think part of this situation may well be their age and a feeling of greater security and a quest for more independence from each other in our new area. They are developing different interests, which DH and I encourage, and the friend thing is a natural outgrowth of that.
if they are afraid they won't have friends, I think it's worth pointing out that there ARE other people (the generic girls) who will reach out to them--but won't reach out to them if they're hanging out with this unpleasant girl and unpleasant boy. So if they start to separate from these two, they'll find that the opportunities to make other, better friends will arise. But they HAVE to leave room for it.There's a reason these two have latched on to your girls--your girls are new, and they haven't figured out by now that these two are bad news. They're learning the lessons the other kids learned long ago.
Indeed, Toots. Indeed.
Same here. My son got detention a few times in elementary school but they were all based on his penchant for being the class-clown and he earned each and every one. Each time he was ordered to detention (which involved sitting at a desk an empty room in the office), the principal called me and explained the situation.
When T1 was in 2nd grade, I had to go to school to ask the teacher why she was never bringing home her homework. The teacher didn't know, and was sorry she hadn't notified me earlier about the deficit. I asked if I could clean out her desk and was shocked to find a wadded up mess of incomplete or not started assignments. That night, T1 dug her heels in and refused to complete them at home, but she was surprised to see me the next day at the time of her favorite special (with the principal's and teacher's permission). We sat in a guidance office, and after the tears stopped she began to work. She saw I was serious about the work and had the backing of the principal and guidance; she knew she would never have art class until she had an attitude change. After that, she worked every evening for a week to knock out the inch and a half stack of assignments. Now, she is a regular taskmaster. T2 has been sloughing off the last few weeks, and I've threatened the same for her!
So far, we've had a great weekend with the girls getting along as BFFs, interested in and supportive of each other's activities. I love seeing them, heads together giggling, sharing jokes and happy talk. DH and I will have some more roll playing and a discussion about boundaries this weekend. I will also relate to them as appropriate all the excellent advice everyone has given. I know it's helped me, and I can't wait to let DH in on it.