Family wedding dramas, am I being an SS?

[still in va]

While I certainly think you can back out, I think it will look like sour grapes. Especially if you back out so soon after hearing she can't make it to yours.

In short, you're in the clear according to etiquette, but there may be relationship consequences.

the OP has received a STD, not an invitation to the cousin's wedding.  she hasn't committed to attend, so she isn't backing out. 

[Otterpop]

I keep reading "STD" as a bad thing too.     Never seen those initials used to reference a card sent in the mail.

[aion]

Thanks so much everyone, there has been some great advice and I feel much better about the whole situation. I emailed my cousin and told her that I would need to decide on things closer to the date, and left it at that.

My charitable interpretation is that my cousin is overwhelmed by the planning and wasn't intending to be cruel, just didn't think how her email would come across. I get the feeling that she is under a lot of weird pressure from her mother's side of the family, but as we are obviously not that close I can't say for sure. As for needing to know about the accommodation so early, she is having a destination wedding of sorts, so I think that people are spot on about her trying to negotiate a deal with a hotel.

Weddings can make people crazy, and I needed a outside check if my hurt feelings were petty and the first sign of me going over the edge or not. So thank-you all so much. A lot of friends and family are making a huge effort to be there for me on the day, which really is humbling, and what I should be focusing on, not minor dramaz.

[LifeOnPluto]

If the cousin had simply told the OP that she would be unable to attend her wedding, the situation wouldn't seem so inequitable.

But as Danika said, the reason she gave (that they basically couldn't be bothered attending the OP's wedding as they don't want to travel to the same town twice) seems quite insensitive and dismissive.

I think the OP is fine in RSVP'ing "no" to her cousin's invite. If there are any "relationship consequences", they'd really be caused by the cousin, not the OP.

[mimi_cat]

I don't think you are being an SS.

However, I don't think your decision to attend should be based on whether or not she is coming to your wedding. If you want to go and can afford to go, then you should go.  I'm guessing she offered the other wedding as an explanation for not attending your wedding so that you know she's not just ignoring you.  It may be she or her DF are in that wedding, or it's a really close friend, etc.

As for her request to know about hotel, I think you can just reply with "Im not sure yet. Is there a specific concern that you have?". 

[O'Dell]

I keep reading "STD" as a bad thing too.     Never seen those initials used to reference a card sent in the mail.

Yeah that's one I can't get used to even after being at EHell for a few years. My inner 12yo giggles every single time. 

[johelenc1]

I don't see any reason you have to make a decision either way since it's 9 months away. 

However, I also don't think going or not going to a wedding says that much about the relationship - at least the not going part.  Sometimes, things just don't work out.  Maybe you are a cousin she cherishes, but maybe the other wedding is her bestest friend from forever - or her STB hubby's bestest friend.  Going to the same place twice in a week IS a challenge - in terms of time and expense.  I wouldn't want to do both either.

My husband has cousins that scheduled their weddings a week apart so relatives could come for the week and do both weddings.  That worked great for most people.  I couldn't do that.  My husband stayed, but I only went for one weekend.  I didn't like the cousin of the wedding I attended more than the other one, it's just what worked out for my schedule.

If you like the cousin and want to go celebrate her happiness, then go.  Her inability to come to your wedding shouldn't make a difference. 

[StarFaerie]

I don't see any reason you have to make a decision either way since it's 9 months away. 

However, I also don't think going or not going to a wedding says that much about the relationship - at least the not going part.  Sometimes, things just don't work out.  Maybe you are a cousin she cherishes, but maybe the other wedding is her bestest friend from forever - or her STB hubby's bestest friend.  Going to the same place twice in a week IS a challenge - in terms of time and expense.  I wouldn't want to do both either.

My husband has cousins that scheduled their weddings a week apart so relatives could come for the week and do both weddings.  That worked great for most people.  I couldn't do that.  My husband stayed, but I only went for one weekend.  I didn't like the cousin of the wedding I attended more than the other one, it's just what worked out for my schedule.

If you like the cousin and want to go celebrate her happiness, then go.  Her inability to come to your wedding shouldn't make a difference.

Well said. I agree with this