This has to do with a wedding but is more about family relationships. Moderators please move if necessary.
I am feeling off about a cousins wedding conflicting with my own. and would like advice as to if I am being reasonable and how to proceed, or if I am being unreasonable and I should suck it up.
Short version: Sent a save the date to our wedding to a cousin, who is getting married about 6 months after us. Cousin did not respond to our save the date, but later sent an email save the date to their wedding, which we replied "yes" to. A month after our invites were sent out, I get an email from my Cousin wanting to know where we will be staying at her wedding. 20 minutes after this I get another email saying, quote "sorry, won't make it to your wedding, we have another wedding in your town the week before and don't feel up to doing both".
I'm not really bothered that they can't make it to our wedding, it would have been nice as I had always thought we got along, but they would have had to travel to get here, so understood, it's hard. What bugs me is that we haven't received an invitation to their wedding, just a save the date, but her wedding is so important that we have to tell her where we are staying 9 months out, but my wedding is so unimportant that I get no reply to my save the date and a "by the way, can't make it, got a better wedding down the road a week before" rsvp. She could have just said they couldn't make it.
This all got rubbed in a bit when I saw my father last week and he told me they had just agreed to go to Cousin's wedding because she had been vocally complaining that the family had not been supportive enough of her wedding, and it was really messing her plans around that no one responded to her save the dates. (I always thought save the dates were a heads up, not a formal invitation requiring an rsvp, correct me if I am wrong, and hey, she didn't seem to think my save the date required a reply).
My etiquette question is this: given that we replied yes to a save the date, but have not yet received an invitation, would it be wrong of me to back out of attending her wedding? I'm not trying to be vindictive, but to be honest I am a bit sour and attending her wedding would require us to use vacation days and travel. Given that she doesn't really seem to care that much for us I'm not sure I care that much to travel for her.