News: IT'S THE 2ND ANNUAL GUATEMALA LIBRARY PROJECT BOOK DRIVE!    LOOKING FOR DONATIONS OF SCIENCE BOOKS THIS YEAR.    Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • November 23, 2017, 02:34:55 PM

Login with username, password and session length

Author Topic: Gift ideas for a new sister in law needed! small update #4  (Read 23142 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

whatsanenigma

  • Member
  • Posts: 2053
Re: Gift ideas for a new sister in law needed!
« Reply #15 on: September 30, 2012, 05:20:48 PM »
Perhaps coffee or tea?
Or doggie treats?
Or maybe the two of you could go shopping, so you could help her with ideas for your family, since your brother isn't likely to be helpful in that category? Taking her to lunch while you're out shopping?

I think you need to be careful with that one. I know I would be taken aback if my new sister in law called me and asked if I wanted to go shopping so that I can get some gift ideas for members of her family. It wouldn't make me think well of the family and I would be keeping my distance.

I realized I left out the key word: CHRISTMAS.
 I was thinking that she could invite her SIL to go shopping with her in December (around the time of SIL's birthday), and since her brother can't tell her what his wife would like as a present, the poor woman would probably be intimidated at the thought of doing Christmas shopping for the ILs all by herself. Then the OP could treat her SIL to lunch as a birthday present without having to spend a lot of $$ or having to come up with gift ideas on her own. I know I get the best ideas about presents for my friends/family by going shopping with them, and seeing what they stop and admire.

That makes more sense but it is also  making a big assumption that as soon as she gets married she is going to be taking over all the gift shopping. I did not do that when I get married and I have  no plans an doing that should I get remarried in the future. I think I would concentrate on something just for the new SIL right now.

I didn't say she would be taking over all the shopping...but I did assume that she would be doing SOME Christmas shopping, probably because the OP's brother, who couldn't come up with any ideas for a gift for his new wife, doesn't sound like he's much of a shopper. Perhaps it's more uncommon for friends and relatives to go shopping together than I've thought.

And even if for some reason she doesn't take over any of the shopping in the future, I still think this shopping trip is  a nice idea, because it could help her, for one thing, bond with the OP, and for another thing, get to know a bit more about the various family members based on what the OP buys for them.

wolfie

  • I don't know what this is so I am putting random words here
  • Member
  • Posts: 6894
Re: Gift ideas for a new sister in law needed!
« Reply #16 on: September 30, 2012, 05:25:05 PM »
I didn't say she would be taking over all the shopping...but I did assume that she would be doing SOME Christmas shopping, probably because the OP's brother, who couldn't come up with any ideas for a gift for his new wife, doesn't sound like he's much of a shopper. Perhaps it's more uncommon for friends and relatives to go shopping together than I've thought.

My thought process is that he has done the gift shopping for his family for X amount of time so just because I married him doesn't mean that I would be taking any part of that on. I would assume he would continue his gift shopping and I would continue mine. She could be just as bad a shopper as he is - she could even be worse. I rarely go shopping with a friend and if so it is usually with a directed purpose - as in I am going to Ikea, which is far and I know you wanted furniture too so you want to make a day of it? Or I need jeans and need someone to help me pick them out. I have never gone Christmas shopping with someone like you are suggesting and it would put me off, mainly because I would read an undercurrent of "as the woman you should now be doing all the gift shopping" even if you didn't intend to put it there at all. Since the OP doesn't know the new SIL I would hold off on things like that until you know her well enough to know that isn't an issue - or that she knows that isn't what you are thinking.

whatsanenigma

  • Member
  • Posts: 2053
Re: Gift ideas for a new sister in law needed!
« Reply #17 on: September 30, 2012, 05:49:18 PM »
I didn't say she would be taking over all the shopping...but I did assume that she would be doing SOME Christmas shopping, probably because the OP's brother, who couldn't come up with any ideas for a gift for his new wife, doesn't sound like he's much of a shopper. Perhaps it's more uncommon for friends and relatives to go shopping together than I've thought.

My thought process is that he has done the gift shopping for his family for X amount of time so just because I married him doesn't mean that I would be taking any part of that on. I would assume he would continue his gift shopping and I would continue mine. She could be just as bad a shopper as he is - she could even be worse. I rarely go shopping with a friend and if so it is usually with a directed purpose - as in I am going to Ikea, which is far and I know you wanted furniture too so you want to make a day of it? Or I need jeans and need someone to help me pick them out. I have never gone Christmas shopping with someone like you are suggesting and it would put me off, mainly because I would read an undercurrent of "as the woman you should now be doing all the gift shopping" even if you didn't intend to put it there at all. Since the OP doesn't know the new SIL I would hold off on things like that until you know her well enough to know that isn't an issue - or that she knows that isn't what you are thinking.

It is very interesting the different experiences posters have had in life, and what they expect.

I know that I personally have had many experiences like what Jocelyn describes, and that to me, it is always fun even if I don't buy anything on that particular trip at all or if the friend doing the shopping and I are buying for completely different groups of people. 

But I also think that the new SIL's attitude toward this idea, whether she agrees with me or with you or has a different opinion all together, would probably become clear quickly if the OP made a suggestion about shopping together.  Maybe if there is any chance she would react badly to any suggestion at all, the OP could phrase it more generically, as maybe "I really like you and I'm really glad you're becoming a member of this family, and I'd like for us to get to know each other better-maybe we could do some Christmas shopping together, or go ice skating, or drive around and look at the lights [whatever]- there are so many good options around here this time of year-does any of that sound fun?" 

But I'm sure that SIL's preferences will become clearer to the OP as she reacts to anything.

SamiHami

  • Member
  • Posts: 4565
  • No! Iz mai catnip! You no can haz! YOU NO CAN HAZ!
Re: Gift ideas for a new sister in law needed! small update #4
« Reply #18 on: September 30, 2012, 07:25:38 PM »
Well, my brother has mentioned that she has expressed to him that she can't wait to get to know all of us and how she is looking forward to holidays, etc with us, so I think that's a great start. She is happy about joining the family and we are happy to welcome her. I do intend to invite her to do some sort activity-perhaps Christmas shopping-sometime soon, so I am hoping that will help give me ideas as to what things she would like.

As for who will do the shopping in their marriage, knowing my brother, he will probably want to do it all with her. He wants to get to know her kids, too, and become friends with them so it would be good for him. He's off to a good start though; the son, who just became a father, took DB aside and told him he would like the baby to know him as "grampa" if that was okay with him. Of course the big sentimental lug loved it!

What have you got? Is it food? Is it for me? I want it whatever it is!

QueenofAllThings

  • Member
  • Posts: 2861
Re: Gift ideas for a new sister in law needed! small update #4
« Reply #19 on: October 01, 2012, 04:18:16 PM »
Things that I think any new bride/grandmother would like:

Picture frames
House plants
A pretty scarf/shawl
A lovely vase/serving bowl/platter
A coffee table book - about monkeys? Her dog's breed? Her home state?
Is she relocating with this marriage? If so, a basket with a map, coupons, etc.