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Author Topic: Is it kinder to ignore or answer?  (Read 4102 times)

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Is it kinder to ignore or answer?
« on: October 01, 2012, 05:36:06 AM »
I'm a member of In order to avoid spammers and bots I have set it up so that users have to answer a question about me before they can send me a friend request. However, it is possible to follow my updates/reviews without friending me. The only difference between friending and following (as far as I can see) is that one is reciprocal and the other isn't (i.e. you can't friend somebody who doesn't friend you back, but you can follow them and have access to the same updates).

Every so often I'll receive a PM from somebody who can't answer my security question, asking if I'll add them as a friend. In such cases I'll typically check out their profiles, and if they look legit I'll add them. However, I'm wondering what's the kinder option if I don't want to add them. The way I see it, I have two options:

1) Ignore their request.
2) Send a reply along the lines of "Hi <Name>. I'm sorry, I prefer to only add people I know outside Goodreads to my friendlist, but thank you for your email."

I know that etiquette-wise I'd be in the clear with either, but which is the kinder option? I'd tend to go with 1) myself as it allows the social lie that I never got/saw the request in the first place, but I'm curious to what other people think.
Dane by birth, Kiwi by choice

still in va

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Re: Is it kinder to ignore or answer?
« Reply #1 on: October 01, 2012, 07:48:20 AM »
i'd go with 1 as well.  i can only see you needing to go with 2 if the same person sends more than one request. 


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Re: Is it kinder to ignore or answer?
« Reply #2 on: October 01, 2012, 08:59:24 AM »
I'd go with 1 too, unless you sort-of-know this person, say you have many mutual friends or you met at a book club once or something.


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Re: Is it kinder to ignore or answer?
« Reply #3 on: October 01, 2012, 09:08:30 AM »
I'd just ignore too. In fact, I'd say that if it isn't someone you actually know, it's kind of pushy for them to try to make an end run around your security question. The longer you're on there, the more you'll run into serial adders who just add everybody, and some authors who go about self-promotion entirely the wrong way. (I once had to ignore three different friend requests from the same author in 24 hours and finally blocked him--he was annoying and also writes in a genre that even the most cursory look at my profile would indicate that I. don't. read.)

ETA: And you're right about the social lie of pretending you didn't see it. GR's notifications are notoriously buggy and it's extremely plausible.


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Re: Is it kinder to ignore or answer?
« Reply #4 on: October 01, 2012, 11:34:39 AM »
yeah, just go with 1.

If you don't really know them, then their request is sort of like junk mail.