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Author Topic: Dear Abby and the Wedding Cake Smashers  (Read 44020 times)

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Sharnita

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Re: Dear Abby and the Wedding Cake Smashers
« Reply #15 on: October 01, 2012, 01:05:49 PM »
I generally see this as instigated by the groom, at the behest of his male friends. Kind of like a way to show he is "one of the guys" first and a married man second. Not very mature in my opinion.

I don't see it a lot but I have to say that I've actually seen it from the bride more than the groom.

bloo

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Re: Dear Abby and the Wedding Cake Smashers
« Reply #16 on: October 01, 2012, 01:08:54 PM »
I think the cake smashing is a terrible and disrespectful, and yes as Abby says an immature thing to do.  I don't ever voice this opinion at weddings or really much at all unless asked, but I do think it.

And as a guest who is giving of my time and energy to attend the wedding, and dress up and look nice, and give a gift, etc, I do think its my business if I am asked to witness this act of public disrespect to a union I was just asked to witness as a public act of love & commitment.

I think the letter writer has a point - when you ask people to attend your wedding you have an obligation to them.  You are obligated to actually provide whatever you have offered to host (cake & punch, dinner, whatever), you are obligated to at minimum say "hi" to each guest, and I think you are obligated to publicly honor the vows you just made.  There's a time & a place for joking disrespect and I personally don't think at the wedding is the time.

I totally agree with this! I've never witnessed it, but would be surprised and disappointed if I did. I would be very upset if it was clear that one of the spouse's wasn't 'in on the joke' so to speak.

lowspark

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Re: Dear Abby and the Wedding Cake Smashers
« Reply #17 on: October 01, 2012, 01:09:07 PM »
I'm not sure when this particular behavior came into vogue. I don't remember ever having heard of it when I got married in 1980. It seems to me I've only seen it in fictional weddings (TV/movie?? I can't remember specifically). I don't remember actually seeing it in real life. At least nothing like the LW describes where the bride's dress and make up are ruined. It sounds more like a food fight than lovingly feeding each other, which, I thought, was the actual purpose.
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TurtleDove

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Re: Dear Abby and the Wedding Cake Smashers
« Reply #18 on: October 01, 2012, 01:12:56 PM »
I've never seen it in real life, and I hope I never do. I find it horribly disrespectful, even if both people agree to do it. 

SamiHami

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Re: Dear Abby and the Wedding Cake Smashers
« Reply #19 on: October 01, 2012, 01:28:13 PM »
It's juvenile and simply not funny. I really don't understand what some folks get out of doing that.

That being said, I ensured it didn't happen at my own wedding, but that's as far as my authority goes! If I were to attend a wedding I would think the HC was being incredibly tacky, but I would never express that out loud. Not my business to say anything.

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Giraffe, Esq

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Re: Dear Abby and the Wedding Cake Smashers
« Reply #20 on: October 01, 2012, 01:40:51 PM »
When my brother and sister-in-law had been dating for a WEEK, we were all at a party celebrating my grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary.  We were eating cake, and my brother jokingly put a dab of frosting on my sister-in-law's nose.  She smooshed a large chunk on his face.  My great aunt was nearby and asked, "Practicing for the wedding?"

We all thought it was hilarious.  To be fair, we were all in/just out of college, so yeah, we were young. 

But then, a year or so later, at their engagement party, she put a dab of frosting on his nose (and if I recall correctly, kissed it off).  He did not retaliate.

So when they got married, while I totally understand the bride being concerned about her makeup and wanting to keep her dress from getting covered in frosting, I really wanted her to put some on his nose.  By that point, it was tradition!

She did not.  I don't know if they agreed ahead of time, or what, but they didn't do any cake smashing.

I agree it can be uncomfortable if it's clear that one half doesn't want to do it, but I think if it's fun and flirty and fits the couples' personalities, it's not disrespectful at all.

jedikaiti

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Re: Dear Abby and the Wedding Cake Smashers
« Reply #21 on: October 01, 2012, 01:43:03 PM »
It's juvenile and simply not funny. I really don't understand what some folks get out of doing that.

That being said, I ensured it didn't happen at my own wedding, but that's as far as my authority goes! If I were to attend a wedding I would think the HC was being incredibly tacky, but I would never express that out loud. Not my business to say anything.

Exactly. If I knew one of the HC was not OK with it and the other did it anyway, I might start wondering about the longevity of the marriage, but I'd still keep it to myself.

My STBDH knows very well my position on this issue, and wouldn't DREAM of trying it.
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poundcake

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Re: Dear Abby and the Wedding Cake Smashers
« Reply #22 on: October 01, 2012, 02:05:24 PM »
I'm sure there are fun, informal couples who can pull off a Cakesmash with humor and aplomb, but it really does seem like 99 times out of 100, one person isn't as willing as the other, and it comes off as gross, petty, immature, bratty, stupid, tacky and cruel. It also tells me a lot about the dynamic of the couple and the level of disrespect tolerated for whatever reason, like my cousin whose husband did a big, messy Cakesmash on her, and then was all confused about why she was upset. Turns out, that's how many of their family arguments go: he does something immature, stupid or harmful that upsets her, and then plays innocent when she freaks out. No thanks.

Redneck Gravy

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Re: Dear Abby and the Wedding Cake Smashers
« Reply #23 on: October 01, 2012, 02:07:22 PM »
I made it crystal clear that this would not be permitted at my reception and we actually fed each other a bite off of forks.

I did not want anything on my dress (that is still carefully wrapped for our daughters) and he did not want anything on his white tuxedo either.  So we were both careful and respectful.

I do not not find it amusing in any way but I would not criticize others for doing it - whatever trips your trigger...

Betelnut

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Re: Dear Abby and the Wedding Cake Smashers
« Reply #24 on: October 01, 2012, 02:09:40 PM »
I think why people do it (cake smashing) is that is can be incredibly awkward for some people to feed another adult.  The cake smashing is sort of a way to break the tension in a "tender moment" that is being witnessed by dozens of other people.  Like gallows humor.

Personally, tt would be so "not me" to feed my new husband.  I guess if I were ever in this situation (doubtful as I am a 50 year-old spinster), I would just not do the "feeding each other" part of the cake cutting.

I don't like cake smashing either but I don't consider it rude if both people are into it.
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Tabby Uprising

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Re: Dear Abby and the Wedding Cake Smashers
« Reply #25 on: October 01, 2012, 02:17:48 PM »
Personally, I can't wrap my brain around the idea that one could be near cake and have so much as a crumb not go directly into the mouth.  What a waste of precious frosting!  My precious......

Anywho.... my DH and I certainly didn't engage in such a blasphemous waste of frosting at our wedding.  Furthermore, I am pleased as punch to say that my newly one year old son is following in our footsteps.  At his party, he was utterly meticulous about feeding himself little bits of cake. Very clean, very tasty.  :D

Yvaine

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Re: Dear Abby and the Wedding Cake Smashers
« Reply #26 on: October 01, 2012, 02:20:58 PM »
Personally, I can't wrap my brain around the idea that one could be near cake and have so much as a crumb not go directly into the mouth.  What a waste of precious frosting!  My precious......

In all fairness, I've had some wedding cakes for which smashing is probably a better use.  ;D

WillyNilly

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Re: Dear Abby and the Wedding Cake Smashers
« Reply #27 on: October 01, 2012, 02:26:10 PM »
I think why people do it (cake smashing) is that is can be incredibly awkward for some people to feed another adult.  The cake smashing is sort of a way to break the tension in a "tender moment" that is being witnessed by dozens of other people.  Like gallows humor.

Personally, tt would be so "not me" to feed my new husband.  I guess if I were ever in this situation (doubtful as I am a 50 year-old spinster), I would just not do the "feeding each other" part of the cake cutting.

I don't like cake smashing either but I don't consider it rude if both people are into it.

I've been to (and when I was a banquet waitress, worked at) countless weddings without any big deal made about cake cutting or feeding each other.  The cake was cut by the caterers and served, and that sit.  No big deal on cutting and no big deal on feeding.  Heck at my brothers wedding, held in a park, I cut and served the cake (when asked to do so) my brother & SIL never touched a knife.  And now with my own wedding rapidly approaching, my caterer asked me to fill out a questionnaire about who our party would go (are we having a band or DJ or both? will be doing a bouquet toss/garter toss/other?  will there be a cake cutting ceremony?  etc) so clearly not everyone does it if they are asking.


Kendo_Bunny

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Re: Dear Abby and the Wedding Cake Smashers
« Reply #28 on: October 01, 2012, 02:26:41 PM »
I've always found it tacky... I just think it's a super passive-aggressive way to start your marriage: "I love you so much sweetie - here's some CAKE in YOUR FACE!". Eurgh.

If both are into it, I guess, but I'm still going to think it's tacky, just like I think putting a garter on the person who caught the bouquet is tacky, especially when the DJ is encouraging the garter-catcher to put it up higher.

O'Dell

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Re: Dear Abby and the Wedding Cake Smashers
« Reply #29 on: October 01, 2012, 02:30:12 PM »
It's juvenile and simply not funny. I really don't understand what some folks get out of doing that.

That being said, I ensured it didn't happen at my own wedding, but that's as far as my authority goes! If I were to attend a wedding I would think the HC was being incredibly tacky, but I would never express that out loud. Not my business to say anything.

You took the words out of my mouth.

And like another PP, I've never seen it done in RL.
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