Dear Abby and the Wedding Cake Smashers

[O'Dell]

It's juvenile and simply not funny. I really don't understand what some folks get out of doing that.

That being said, I ensured it didn't happen at my own wedding, but that's as far as my authority goes! If I were to attend a wedding I would think the HC was being incredibly tacky, but I would never express that out loud. Not my business to say anything.

You took the words out of my mouth.

And like another PP, I've never seen it done in RL.

[hobish]

I think why people do it (cake smashing) is that is can be incredibly awkward for some people to feed another adult.  The cake smashing is sort of a way to break the tension in a "tender moment" that is being witnessed by dozens of other people.  Like gallows humor.

Personally, tt would be so "not me" to feed my new husband.  I guess if I were ever in this situation (doubtful as I am a 50 year-old spinster), I would just not do the "feeding each other" part of the cake cutting.

I don't like cake smashing either but I don't consider it rude if both people are into it.

Yah...i see what you are saying there. I am hoping to skip the whole deal, feeding food to Gish in a manufactured "tender moment" in front of our closest friends and relatives ... i just don't want to.

ETA: Four replies when i was typing.

[poundcake]

I've been to a few weddings where the actual vendors (catering, photogs or DJs/bandleaders) are vocal about wanting a Cakesmash. One photographer actually berated a HC because their nonCakesmash was "boring" and "too tame" and wouldn't make good pictures. Waaa?

[Amava]

I think why people do it (cake smashing) is that is can be incredibly awkward for some people to feed another adult.  The cake smashing is sort of a way to break the tension in a "tender moment" that is being witnessed by dozens of other people.  Like gallows humor.

Personally, tt would be so "not me" to feed my new husband.  I guess if I were ever in this situation (doubtful as I am a 50 year-old spinster), I would just not do the "feeding each other" part of the cake cutting.

I don't like cake smashing either but I don't consider it rude if both people are into it.

I've been to (and when I was a banquet waitress, worked at) countless weddings without any big deal made about cake cutting or feeding each other.  The cake was cut by the caterers and served, and that sit.  No big deal on cutting and no big deal on feeding.  Heck at my brothers wedding, held in a park, I cut and served the cake (when asked to do so) my brother & SIL never touched a knife.  And now with my own wedding rapidly approaching, my caterer asked me to fill out a questionnaire about who our party would go (are we having a band or DJ or both? will be doing a bouquet toss/garter toss/other?  will there be a cake cutting ceremony?  etc) so clearly not everyone does it if they are asking.

Exactly. If people can't handle the intimacy and tenderness of feeding each other without ridiculing it, or if they find the ceremony a bit ridiculous in and of itself, they should probably just not do it.
What's next? Swearing through the vows, because vows make for such an awkwardly tender moment?

I'm with you, WillyNilly - and with some others in this thread. I do NOT need to see people messing with food. I can't stand to look at little *kids* who do that, let alone adults. If the couple enjoys that so much, they can save it for the wedding night. 

[BeagleMommy]

I, too, find the smashing cake thing immature and tacky.  DH wanted to do it.  I told him there was no way I was letting him do that to me.  At our reception I saw that evil gleam in his eye and I stepped backward away from him.  A tiny piece of cake, sans frosting, slipped down the front of my dress and I was able to shake it out.  No harm, no foul.

However, at my cousin's wedding, her newly minted DH shoved a handful of cake into her face.  Even though she agreed with the whole thing she ended up with frosting in her eyes and had to remove and clean her contact lenses in the ladies room.  Her thoughts while cleaning "Why did I agree to this?".  We've both been married over 20 years so I guess we're none the worse for wear.

[Jules1980]

I don't really care one way or another.  Not for me, but if a couple wants to do it, then go for it.  DH and I didn't do it because I didn't want cake on my dress.  We did almost have an incident with the punch on my dress, but that was only because we are clumsy and linking arms to drink from a cup when one of you is several inches taller than the other isn't the easiest task.  Thankfully, no punch was spilled either.  It was delicious.

[selkiewoman]

Wedding cakesmashing makes me very uncomfortable too, and obviously I am not alone.  I think you should not make your guests uncomfortable.

I do concede that mutually consensual smashing is a decision of the happy couple and it is not my place to forbid it.  Same with crude games and conversation at a bridal shower.  But if I foresee either eventuality, I will send a nice gift, but I will not be attending.

[Girlie]

I am so glad my DH is on the same page with me about the cake smashing thing being ridiculous. As far as we're concerned, the most so-called "romantic" day of your life, just hours after taking lifelong vows of honoring and respecting one another, in front of each others' nearest and dearest, dressed in your finest and often with the bride having spent a good deal of time and/or money on her hair and make-up is simply NOT the time to do something as childish as push chunks of cake into each others' faces.

That being said, if I were to attend a wedding where it happened, I would never voice my opinion to the bride and groom. To each their own. Even in a situation where I KNEW for a fact that one of the members of the couple didn't want it to happen, it's still not for me to comment. But I can think whatever I want, and I can't promise that I wouldn't think less of that half.

[Twirly]

I think as long as the people involved are happy with it it's nobody else's business. Obviously everyone has their own inner monologue about what's tacky, but just like I wouldn’t tell my friend I think their color combination is tacky I wouldn’t dream of saying boo to a HC who chose to do or not do the cake smash.

At my wedding my mother, aunt and MOH had been warning my groom for what felt like 15 days prior not to even think about smashing the cake in my face. Even as he was feeding it to me tenderly my mom was screaming "don’t you dare!" Funny thing, nobody had bothered to ask me how I felt about the whole thing and it was something I actually always thought looked like a lot of fun. So we did the nice feeding each other for photos thing, then after the pics were taken I took my piece and (gently!) smeared it onto my beloved's face. Which made my mom wail in disappointment but he found it hilarious (as I knew he would, NEVER would have if I thought otherwise) so he chased me around the cake and did the same to me…though he was very careful to keep it away from my dress and makeup and really just dabbed my nose. It fit our juvenile personalities perfectly and the resulting photos were some of my very favorite from the whole day.

[Thipu1]

At our Wedding reception we fed each other cake from a fork.  I was a bit nervous and Mr. Thipu got a bit of icing on his nose.

  There's a lot of difference between that and smashing a whole slice of cake into the face of a new spouse.

Some may say that cake-smashing is a release from the stress of planning a Wedding.  Others may say that it's a way in which the Fairy Tale couple are brought back to earth.   

I think it's just wasteful and juvenile thing to do.       

[diesel_darlin]

I am not a big fan of the all out sloppy cake EVERYWHERE, cake smash. I, like PP's, think it is incredibly wasteful. On the other hand, I think when done in moderation, it can be funny.

I wasnt planning on a cakesmash when I got married. I gently fed my hubby cake, and then my wonderful guests all chanted for him to smash my piece in my face, which he did. It wound up being super funny, and everyone got a huge laugh at my expense. It wasnt super messy, I got none on my dress. It all just went on my face and up my nose. 

[jmarvellous]

I think it's awful, and I would not do it. BF agrees.

I don't want to watch it, either.

[ettiquit]

It's up to the couple to set the tone of their wedding.  If they want things to be light-hearted and even a little bit silly, they may opt to have fun with the cake.  I didn't do it at my wedding because I didn't want to ruin my dress or professionally-applied makeup (I was bound and determined to be a princess that day!), but I've seen it done at other weddings and never cared.


So long as both of them are into it, I don't see a problem.

[SPuck]

This thread is reminding me of the story (I can't remember if it is a post here, a story on the website, a dear prudence letter) where the bride and groom decided not do do the cake smashing thing but a bride's relative decided it had to happen to her and ended up ruining her dress.

[Sharnita]

I think that even if they are both into it it can seem hostile to guests and play fighting at your wedding in front of people who think they are there to witness a display of love and devotion seems a bit unkind.