At my wedding, DH and I talked about it ahead of time and agreed on no cake smashing. There were several reasons. I didn't want to ruin my dress, hair, or make-up. Cake smashing just isn't that funny to me and I wanted a loving gesture. Neither set of parents liked cake smashing. Some of DH's friends were changing 'smash' and then booed us when we didn't which was really tacky on their part. I feel for brides who have husbands who want to be 'the man' to their friends and get a few laughs at the expense of their bride (and I feel for grooms in the same boat). I would lose a lot of respect if DH had smashed cake in my face.
Exactly. It's as if one spouse is saying, "Well, I know we just pledged our eternal love and devotion to each other a few hours ago, but the good opinion of my 'bros' matters a lot more to me than you do."
When we got married, my fiance, his groomsmen and his father were at the tux shop. His best man asked if we were going to do the cake smash -- in a joking way, because his best man knows me well enough to know I hate/loathe/despise any sort of playing with food, food fighting etc. My fiance laughed back and said, "You know I'm not going to do that. She hates that stuff! And frankly, I think it's a waste of perfectly good cake!" My FIL immediately chimed in that because I hate playing with food, it would therefore be a great idea to smash cake in my face because "it's always funny when someone gets angry at a big event. C'mon. It'll be hysterical to see the look on her face when you do that. That's the best entertainment at a wedding -- seeing the bride get pissed off because her makeup, hair or dress is ruined." 30 years later, he still occasionally brings up how "mean" dh and I were to deny him "the fun" of watching me get angry.
Some people have a very odd sense of humor. I also feel a little uncomfortable when I watch movies involving uncomfortable situations like "Meet the Parents", let alone witness real life drama. Its hard to believe there are people out there who think it is funny to see another person embarrassed or angry. In college I was da
ting a guy who would often do things to annoy me because he thought they were funny. I would ask him to stop and when he didn't, I would get angry. He then accused me of having no sense of humor and being 'mopey'. People like that think of their own feelings as so much more important than their partner's.
Cami, it sounds like your DH is very, very smart. If DH had cake smashed, you would be upset at him and it would likely ruin the day for both of you. It's easy for FIL to think that is funny because he wouldn't be the one suffering. Is this a one time thing for FIL or is that incidence indicative of his personality? I don't understand the logic of men who upset their bride to get a couple seconds of cheers from the crowd. It's like trading something precious like a gold ring for something cheap like a plastic one; he gets a couple of laughs for a few seconds but at the expense of violating the one he cares about most on one of the most important and special days of their lives. Nobody will even think about or remember the cake smashing after a while, but I'm sure a woman won't forget how she felt when her new husband violated her wishes. (I feel the same way about wives smashing cake in the face of unwilling husbands).