Dear Abby and the Wedding Cake Smashers

[Cat-Fu]

Ha, there always seems to be a German word that wraps up complex feelings pretty succinctly.

[Iris]

Ah...I suffer from this. I've wondered before if there is a nifty German word for it because it feels like the opposite of schadenfreude. Looks like there is such a word: Fremdschämen. It means external shame.

I started to watch the British "In-Betweeners" series and had to stop because it was a Fremdschämen overdose. It had me *literally* writhing on the couch.

Ah Germans.  Eleventy-million words for strange emotional states.

But I find that every time I learn a new one I think "Yes! That's a thing! Why don't WE have a word for that thing?" Usually if you explain to someone what schadenfreude means they immediately say "Oh yes! I know what that is!" and I think I'm going to rank Fremdschamen right up there.

My new definition of fremdschamen; the reason that although I love British comedies I can't bear British farce. 

As an aside - how does on type an umlaut?

[Yvaine]

As an aside - how does on type an umlaut?

There are sequences of keys you can hold down--but I'm lazy and just paste in the word from somewhere else on the net. 

[violinp]

As an aside - how does on type an umlaut?

There are sequences of keys you can hold down--but I'm lazy and just paste in the word from somewhere else on the net. 

That's usually what I do, or you can change the keyboard language on your computer. If you click on Control Panel in your Start Menu, you'll find a thing that will let you add languages. I have English, French, German, and Hungarian all on mine.

[Iris]

As an aside - how does on type an umlaut?

There are sequences of keys you can hold down--but I'm lazy and just paste in the word from somewhere else on the net. 

That's usually what I do, or you can change the keyboard language on your computer. If you click on Control Panel in your Start Menu, you'll find a thing that will let you add languages. I have English, French, German, and Hungarian all on mine.

Thanks guys. Given that I apparently can't even type "one" perhaps I'll stick with copying and pasting

[Venus193]

I usually just open my word program and go to the Insert menu for "Special Character."

[cabbagegirl28]

Ah...I suffer from this. I've wondered before if there is a nifty German word for it because it feels like the opposite of schadenfreude. Looks like there is such a word: Fremdschämen. It means external shame.

I started to watch the British "In-Betweeners" series and had to stop because it was a Fremdschämen overdose. It had me *literally* writhing on the couch.

Ah Germans.  Eleventy-million words for strange emotional states.

But I find that every time I learn a new one I think "Yes! That's a thing! Why don't WE have a word for that thing?" Usually if you explain to someone what schadenfreude means they immediately say "Oh yes! I know what that is!" and I think I'm going to rank Fremdschamen right up there.

My new definition of fremdschamen; the reason that although I love British comedies I can't bear British farce. 

As an aside - how does on type an umlaut?

If you don't want to fool with typing umlauts for German words, you can always put an e after the umlauted (I love made-up words) letter. For the word we're talking about, it'd be Fremdschaemen.

[Winterlight]

I think cake smashing is mildly tacky, but it's not anywhere near the same thing as crude games during an inappropriate occasion (like a formal bridal shower where many of the guests would be uncomfortable). I've never liked cake smashing, but that's why we didn't do it at my wedding. Unless he shoves it down her dress and then licks it off, I don't see how it's anyone's business to be offended by it.

When you ask them to become your audience I think it does become their business to some degree.  A tradition of love and caring that is switched into a trick/aggressive act can be uncomfortable to watch.  I tend to find movies and tv programs where somebody is embarrassed  uncomfortable to watch, even when others think it is humorous so I usually opt out of those entertainment options.  I think it makes a lot of guests uncomfortable to be set up to witness cake smashing.

Haven't read past this - but I wonder if you have the same "syndrome" as my DH.  We call it the "Three's Company Syndrome".  DH can't watch that show because the majority of their humor is based off of uncomfortable/embarrassing situations.  He literally has to look away from any show that has that kind of humor because it bothers him so much.  It's definitely something we can control in our own home, but I don't think my DH would think that his issue with those kinds of situations can be catered to in the outside world.  I do sympathize with you though!

::Raises hand:: Right here.  I've done that too.  The urge to look away is almost wholly beyond my control.

I end up leaving the room at moments like that- I just can't stay because I'm cringing so badly.

[Twik]

Ah...I suffer from this. I've wondered before if there is a nifty German word for it because it feels like the opposite of schadenfreude. Looks like there is such a word: Fremdschämen. It means external shame.

I started to watch the British "In-Betweeners" series and had to stop because it was a Fremdschämen overdose. It had me *literally* writhing on the couch.

Ah Germans.  Eleventy-million words for strange emotional states.

But I find that every time I learn a new one I think "Yes! That's a thing! Why don't WE have a word for that thing?" Usually if you explain to someone what schadenfreude means they immediately say "Oh yes! I know what that is!" and I think I'm going to rank Fremdschamen right up there.

I recall reading that the longest recorded word in any language is a Polynesian word meaning "The act of two people looking at each other, each secretly hoping that the other one will do something that they both want done, but which neither one wishes to do." And we all recognize that, even if it takes nearly three dozen words of English to explain.

[Cat-Fu]

Actually, the longest recorded word in the world is in English. It's the scientific name for titin. I'd post it, but it's 189,819 characters long.

But I think we need that Polynesian word in English, because I get that feeling all the time, too!

[Venus193]

Actually, the longest recorded word in the world is in English. It's the scientific name for titin. I'd post it, but it's 189,819 characters long.

But I think we need that Polynesian word in English, because I get that feeling all the time, too!

Who on earth could ever remember such a word?

[emwithme]

I'm *so* glad we don't do the cake smushing stuff here in Britain. 

I just got married and I spent a fortune (comparatively) on my hair and make-up.  I could not imagine having to wash it in a venue's toilet just because icing got where it was not meant to be!

(Also, if DH *had* done that, then I would've been heading for an annulment, because it would mean I'd made a seriously huge mistake in choosing the person I was spending the rest of my life with). 

[Free Range Hippy Chick]

I'm with emwithme - I am so glad that in the UK we don't do cake smashing. And I've never seen the chicken dance at a wedding either, nor have I ever seen any sort of money dance, and I'm not sorry.

From a different direction - I've made celebration cakes for people. Never a wedding cake, but I know several people for whom their wedding gift from a friend was the cake. In a lot of cases in the UK, the cake itself is made by some member of one of the families and then professionally iced. Now British wedding cake does still tend to be heavy fruit cake and not really up for smashing, unless cake smashing is a euphemism for assault and battery but... if I had dropped a lot of money on making a wedding cake for people I loved, and the best they could think of to do with it was grind it into each other's faces and hair, I would be furious. I wouldn't say anything - after all, as we all know, once a gift is given it's the property of the recipients who may do what they want with it - but I would be mortally offended that they could think of nothing less disrespectful to do with my gift.