Author Topic: With "Friends" Like These... But Is He Right?  (Read 17227 times)

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Piratelvr1121

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Re: With "Friends" Like These... But Is He Right?
« Reply #30 on: October 01, 2012, 08:04:20 PM »
Whoah he's got a pair of brass ones, doesn't he?  :o  You don't owe him a thing apart from a shove towards door #3 which holds our beloved Clue by Four!!

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

rain

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Re: With "Friends" Like These... But Is He Right?
« Reply #31 on: October 01, 2012, 08:22:01 PM »
Take it from me - never, ever open "The Bank of ____ (your name)"  because trying to shut it down later will be painfull - especially when he realizes the "bank" is closing & starts asking for a "loan" in front of kids

(first time he did that ... I ended up giving him the $, and he eventually paid me back.  The next time  - oy vey - I said "no"  & cried after I drove off... had to explain whole backstory to DS... so he'd understand why I was crying.... ex still tried sticking me for his & his girlfriend's orders from DS's fundraisers ... ex was told no $, no order)
« Last Edit: October 01, 2012, 08:33:01 PM by rain »
"oh we thank thee lord for the things we need, like the wind and the rain and the apple seed"

Venus193

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Re: With "Friends" Like These... But Is He Right?
« Reply #32 on: October 01, 2012, 08:28:36 PM »
I have to wonder if STBX and Friend were in cahoots to get you to fund their fun...

I'd bet on that, too.

He must hang with his own kind... moochers.  You don't owe them anything except "Goodbye" and "Good Riddance."  And don't pay them.  Per the others, that sets a precedent you don't want.

Chickadee

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Re: With "Friends" Like These... But Is He Right?
« Reply #33 on: October 01, 2012, 08:44:22 PM »
Donnamos2, let me tell you my (long) story. Granted, this was ~30 years ago, but it seems that the human condition never changes.  :-\

My XH and I had two children (2 and 5 years old) when we split. I had primary custody, and he had visitation every other weekend, and also any time between that worked for our schedules. Now, XH had to pay child support, but he and I worked it out to a sum that he could afford and still enabled me to adequately provide for our kids’ needs. He, our attorneys, and the judge agreed that the amount was fair to all concerned.

I wanted to do fun things with the kids, but money was tight. So I would scrimp and save during a 4 to 6 week period in order to have the funds to do those things. My scrimping always was in the terms of denying myself something that was just “fun”, but not necessary. For instance, I might have been running out of my favorite shade of lipstick, but instead of buying a new one before <saving for fun thing to do with kids> I simply made do with what I had. Or, my girlfriends would invite me for drinks on a Friday night when XH had the kids for the weekend, but I stayed home because buying drinks at a club was way too expensive. In other words, I denied myself fun (unnecessary) stuff in order to do fun activities with my children. For me, it was a no-brainer.

It came to my attention via “friends” that XH was unable to do fun stuff on the weekends he had our children because I was “taking so much of his paycheck in child support” that I left with him with no  money to show the kids a good time. Remember, he and I agreed to a specific dollar amount for child support. What those supposed friends were not considering was XH would hit the bars at least 3 times a week after work (small town and word got around) and blow all his expendable cash.

I told those people that how XH managed his budget was none of my concern and certainly none of theirs. Some people that I thought were friends dropped off the radar, but I realized they were not really friends in the first place.

So, to finally answer your question:  No, your STBXH and his extremely immature friend are not right. Your reply to STBXH’s friend was perfect. Keep polishing that shiny spine!

LeveeWoman

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Re: With "Friends" Like These... But Is He Right?
« Reply #34 on: October 01, 2012, 09:18:35 PM »
I have to wonder if STBX and Friend were in cahoots to get you to fund their fun...

I'd bet this month's mortgage payment on that.

I would not take that bet....

And Donnamos2 - NO! You don't owe them one red cent. I am furious that they would even ask!

Congratulations on your divorce from what seems to be one of the world's saddest jerks and his jerky bunch of jerky friends.

While the saying "opposites attract" is true to an extent, this is a case of Special Snowflakes attracting each other.


lollylegs

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Re: With "Friends" Like These... But Is He Right?
« Reply #35 on: October 01, 2012, 09:19:01 PM »
I've never skipped the responses to post my own comment but the situation you describe is so outrageous that I'm breaking my rule just this once. No. No no no no no. Don't give friend a cent.

Honestly, I've read some crazy things on this site but this takes the cake.

And now I'll go back and read the whole thread.

MrsCrazyPete

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Re: With "Friends" Like These... But Is He Right?
« Reply #36 on: October 01, 2012, 09:20:17 PM »
I don't think the questions you asked his friends were inappropriate at all. It's a sign of a good, shiny spine!

Your X is a WHACKALOON  and so is his friend. POD'ing to all who mentioned the questionable full price for babymoss.
Sell crazy somewhere else, we're all stocked up here.

LeveeWoman

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Re: With "Friends" Like These... But Is He Right?
« Reply #37 on: October 01, 2012, 09:22:00 PM »
"You need to speak to her father about that."

Might as well practice saying it now, because I sense you'll be saying it quite often...

Oh, this is so true.

EDITED.
« Last Edit: October 01, 2012, 09:25:25 PM by LeveeWoman »

Piratelvr1121

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Re: With "Friends" Like These... But Is He Right?
« Reply #38 on: October 01, 2012, 09:30:11 PM »
Add me in to the suspicious ones!
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

diesel_darlin

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Re: With "Friends" Like These... But Is He Right?
« Reply #39 on: October 01, 2012, 09:51:34 PM »
Im not aware of your exact location, OP, but the waterpark near me doesnt charge for wee ones. I think it starts at 5, and even that is a significantly lower price than an adult ticket. Im with everyone else. NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.

Pippen

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Re: With "Friends" Like These... But Is He Right?
« Reply #40 on: October 01, 2012, 09:57:39 PM »
You mentioned the friend said he was bullied into paying for this. It would be interesting to know what your X said to them and hopefully it doesn't involve any promises of repayment by yourself.

lkdrymom

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Re: With "Friends" Like These... But Is He Right?
« Reply #41 on: October 01, 2012, 10:28:34 PM »
Did you ever ask your ex why his friend called you?

I'm not so shocked....sounds like something my ex would do.

My DD16 was doing a fund raiser last week and I bought the coupon book she was selling. She told me her dad also bought one....but he needed me to pay for it and he'd pay me back. I wasn't so sure he would and since the kids are older and rarely visit him I figured that money would be as good as gone. DD16 whined about it so I told her to put up her own money for her father. She did...and for her aunt too.....she expects to collect from them this weekend...we will see.

Slartibartfast

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Re: With "Friends" Like These... But Is He Right?
« Reply #42 on: October 01, 2012, 10:38:33 PM »
I'm trying to come up with any possible reason you could be expected to pay in this situation, and i'm drawing a blank.  Maybe if you were the one who called your ex and his friends and arranged for them all to go to the park, and you told your ex you would pay for everyone . . . and even then, the people actually going should have been prepared to either pay their own way in case something changed or to drop out if they really couldn't afford it.

mrs_deb

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Re: With "Friends" Like These... But Is He Right?
« Reply #43 on: October 01, 2012, 10:39:52 PM »
Another thought. Maybe he told his friend something like, "I give donnamos2 child support, and that should pay for this. Get it from her."

 >:(

That was my first thought, too.

PeterM

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Re: With "Friends" Like These... But Is He Right?
« Reply #44 on: October 01, 2012, 10:56:35 PM »
Of course, the end of the phone call was not particularly civil, what with Friend snarling that he now understood why my STBXH who is such a great guy is divorcing me. I just said that I was sorry he felt that way, please don't ever call me again, thanks and goodbye.

The only place I think you could have done better would be if you'd explicitly stated that your ex's finances are now completely cut off from yours, and you will never pay for anything he does in the future, with or without your daughter. His custody time, his money, period. If (hopefully not when) you end up talking to another of his yahoo friends about this same topic, I would make sure that gets said and ask them to pass it around so there are no more idiocies in the future. You may want to say "misunderstandings" rather than idiocies. Or you may not.