With "Friends" Like These... But Is He Right?

[zyrs]

You do not owe "friend" a penny, much less a dime.  I'd say that even if you weren't getting a divorce..

Your husband is a legal adult who made the decision on his own to take your daughter to the waterpark, just her and him.  The money for that is on him.  It's part of parenting.

[Craftymom]

OP, another vote for you don't owe snippy friend one thin dine.

I am curious though, I am betting that EX's friends do not know that OP was actually funding EX's previous "generosity". That would spoil the whole grand illusion of EX being so "generous", if it was publically known that OP was actually funding the fundage...

He is probably crying poor that that "mean old OP is bleeding him dry"..

Since you are getting probably darn low support if any, (given his seeming irresponsibility) next time one of these "extortion calls" comes in, I would threaten to tell them exactly how little he IS giving you to support his child...Then he can look really bad.
*stuffing Evil Crafty back into her box*

[Sirius]

Another thought. Maybe he told his friend something like, "I give donnamos2 child support, and that should pay for this. Get it from her."

 

Bet you a cup of coffee that you're close to the truth on this one.

[Twik]

The other part of the OP that is so outrageous is this:

Friend actually told me that I had to at the very least pay him the cost of Babymoss' attendance, but I refused that, too.

It might be (slightly) conceivable that Friend thought that, as custodial parent, the OP would be paying for Babymoss. But apparently, Friend started under the assumption that she was responsible for STBXH, who is, apparently, not an adult who could be expected to pay his own way in a place of amusement.

Truly mindboggling.

[Ceallach]

I can't get over the gall of that man.   Certainly showing his true colours.  Unfortunately the way situations get twisted and turned in relationship breakdowns means it's entirely likely that the "friend" has some kind of reason why he *thinks* he is in the right.    Your finances are none of that man's business, and if he chooses to lend his mooch of a friend money he needs to deal with the consequences, not start hitting you up for it.   Just wow.

[AmethystAnne]

OP, another vote for you don't owe snippy friend one thin dine.

I am curious though, I am betting that EX's friends do not know that OP was actually funding EX's previous "generosity". That would spoil the whole grand illusion of EX being so "generous", if it was publically known that OP was actually funding the fundage...

He is probably crying poor that that "mean old OP is bleeding him dry"..

Since you are getting probably darn low support if any, (given his seeming irresponsibility) next time one of these "extortion calls" comes in, I would threaten to tell them exactly how little he IS giving you to support his child...Then he can look really bad.
*stuffing Evil Crafty back into her box*

I guess I'm evil too because I agree with what Craftymom said.

[Take2]

Wow. I would explain that since you are no longer attached to STBX, his entertainment expenses are not your concern. Furthermore, when he has custody of the child at any given time, you are neither in charge of or nor responsible for their plans or the associated costs. That's sort of fundamental to how divorce works, really.

I am flabbergasted that there are adults who think it would be reasonable for an ex to pay entrance for STBX and baby to get into a waterpark during STBX's custody time. Do they think he is just a glorified babysitter? That's his kid, his custody, HIS financial responsibility.

[KenveeB]

My flabber is gasted too. You have NO obligation to pay for your ex's outings with his daughter. His friends are his friends and aren't going to see reason, so just ignore them. "You can take that up with Ex."

[Twik]

The more I read this, the more it sounds like STBX and friend expected you to pay for their fun day.  The baby was just a convenient excuse.

(Raging Waters in San Dimas, CA near me doesn't charge for children under 2.  Neither does Soak City, Buena Park, CA.  No water park I know of does.  And as far as food, you can feed a baby off your plate or bring toddler food.  They ate, drank and made merry and wanted you to pay.  I'll bet they'll think twice and count their pennies next time.)

Oh, this is very clear. I would not be surprised to hear that STBXH pulls this stunt several more times, until the message gets out that the OP is not in the business of subsidizing his free time activities.

[bloo]

Wow.  I just finished reading the entire thread.  Unfortunately, there are people out there who have no clue.  Case in point:  Many years ago, my ex-husband told our 11 year old son that he didn't have to buy him Christmas or Birthday gifts anymore because he paid child support.  The man paid a whopping $125 a month (in the mid-90's) and told the whole world I was "bleeding him dry."  Even my own father believed him, until I showed him the divorce decree.  Some men are just bacon-fed knave-clowns.

I'm just sickened that there are persons like Pugwoman's and Donnamos' exes around. I can certainly understand why they are "exes".

[Amava]

Wow.  I just finished reading the entire thread.  Unfortunately, there are people out there who have no clue.  Case in point:  Many years ago, my ex-husband told our 11 year old son that he didn't have to buy him Christmas or Birthday gifts anymore because he paid child support.  The man paid a whopping $125 a month (in the mid-90's) and told the whole world I was "bleeding him dry."  Even my own father believed him, until I showed him the divorce decree.  Some men are just bacon-fed knave-clowns.

Oh man, I'm not a violent person usually but I want to shake that man.
What a heartless thing to say to his son.
If a father (or other person) buys a child presents, it should be because he loves the child and because he wants to, not because he "has" to! 

[johelenc1]

OP - Can you confirm your child's age?  I mean, you are calling him BabyMoss, so I'm thinking he's pretty young.  Who takes a baby to a water park anyway?  My kids are 5 and wouldn't know what a water park was.  A parent who takes a baby to a water park is going for their own fun - which BTW, I can't imagine would be much fun with a baby in tow.  Who wants to bet some poor mom got stuck with BabyMoss for the day while her husband and EX had a blast in the park.

And, absolutely - you owe the caller not a dime.

[Take2]

The ex in this story is a jerk, but it is totally possible for young kids to enjoy water parks.

My kids are daredevils, so I waited until they were tall enough to ride some big slides to take them for the first time. And that was when my son was 2. He was definitely not the youngest kid enjoying the kiddie area, the lazy river, the wave pool. He was the youngest kid on the 3-story slides, but that was just because he is both fearless and exceedingly tall for his age.

I know my neighbor was taking her more timid child to waterparks when she was just learning to walk, around 12 months old.

[rashea]

I did a bit of digging. It seems the OP posted that she was near her due date in June of 2011. So, we're talking about 16 months +- a month or so.

And, as part of that digging, it also seems clear that the soon to be ex has never been overly involved in taking care of his child. Sadly, that seems to be a continuing trend. OP, you have my sympathy.

Finally, of course you shouldn't pay for her Dad to take her somewhere. Especially if you weren't even asked first.

[HermioneGranger]

Wow.  I just finished reading the entire thread.  Unfortunately, there are people out there who have no clue.  Case in point:  Many years ago, my ex-husband told our 11 year old son that he didn't have to buy him Christmas or Birthday gifts anymore because he paid child support.  The man paid a whopping $125 a month (in the mid-90's) and told the whole world I was "bleeding him dry."  Even my own father believed him, until I showed him the divorce decree.  Some men are just bacon-fed knave-clowns.

My husband's father always had money for tithing to his church, but couldn't buy his only child a pack of looseleaf or a new pair of shoes, because he claimed that that's why he paid child support.  Nice guy.  Now he's supporting a whole new family, who are getting all of the things he was too cheap to buy my husband.  I'm so brokenhearted that we've cut him off and our daughter will never be exposed to him.