Author Topic: S/O Cake Smashing. When a couple wrestles.  (Read 17384 times)

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lady_disdain

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Re: S/O Cake Smashing. When a couple wrestles.
« Reply #15 on: October 02, 2012, 12:58:22 PM »
I think she handled it very badly. In any roommate situation, telling someone to move out is the last option, not the first (unless we are talking about illegal activities). She should have told you two that she was uncomfortable with it and worked out a solution: keep wrestling down, only doing it when she is out, having a scheduled time, etc.  It is even worse when the two of you had radically changed your plans to help her out. You had basically given up all privacy so they could keep the apartment so it is not realistic that she wouldn't have any inconveniences. Asking about it would be a very uncomfortable conversation but necessary for her, so I would be ok with it ("yes, it is consensual and I even pin him down half the time") but that would be it.

Also, putting someone in a room with zero privacy is not a good idea, unless everyone knew about it and was ok with it. Specially a couple. Leaving out the wrestling, there are other couple activities that I wouldn't want to be exposed to but would hardly be fair to expect a couple to refrain from for a year.

WillyNilly

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Re: S/O Cake Smashing. When a couple wrestles.
« Reply #16 on: October 02, 2012, 02:30:16 PM »
The "my home" arguement is irrelevent in this instance. Sio and her partner were paying rent. That makes it their home as well.

Its not irrelevant.  Just because Sio & her partner were paying rent doesn't mean they get free reign to do anything they want.  Of course the other two don't either. 

It was everyone's home and all were paying and therefore all people in the home should get a say in what is and is not appropriate and acceptable behavior.  I would not under any circumstances pay to live in a  home where two adults openly engaged in regular public wrestling sessions.  Not in my home, in front of me, no way.  Now the way I maintain such a home is not by wielding an iron fist, it is by not living with anyone who has differing ideas then me.  And if I happened upon a situation where I was living with someone who wanted to wrestle in the home I would first approach them to try to work out some sort of agreement (closed doors, me making myself scarce at certain times of the day, etc).  Because if its my home I do get a say - perhaps not final say, but certainly an equal say.

petal

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Re: S/O Cake Smashing. When a couple wrestles.
« Reply #17 on: October 02, 2012, 02:36:16 PM »
I have to respectfully disagree with a few posts here.

for me, wrestling is kind of equal to PDA.  there is a time and place for it and if other people are able to see it then its not the right time or right place

I do think that you and your boyfriend were mislead about the living arrangements so it was probably best for you all that you got your own place

Fleur

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Re: S/O Cake Smashing. When a couple wrestles.
« Reply #18 on: October 02, 2012, 02:48:18 PM »


I think you dodged a bullet, OP. Whatever she thought of your wrestling, she had no business to cast aspersions on your relationship. The noise/convenience thing is a seperate issue, though I agree with PP that as you were paying rent, the situation was more complicated than if you had just been living in 'their' house. She was rude.

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Fleur, the girl who loves to wrestle with her boyfriend.

guihong

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Re: S/O Cake Smashing. When a couple wrestles.
« Reply #19 on: October 02, 2012, 02:51:46 PM »
DH and I get started with the job searching and the apartment searching with some wrestling on our downtime.

Why were you and your boyfriend looking for an apartment right away if the reason for moving to DC was to be the roommates of these people?

It sounds like moving to DC was already in the plan, when the roommate opportunity came up.

As for the original question, it sounds like it wasn't working out at all, wrestling or no.  I've wrestled before with SO's, but I can understand where someone might feel uncomfortable, as if watching PDA's.



Twirly

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Re: S/O Cake Smashing. When a couple wrestles.
« Reply #20 on: October 02, 2012, 03:06:49 PM »
I agree that the wrestling sounds too PDA to be doing in public. However this wasn't in public, it was Sio's (albeit temporary) home that she and her DH were paying to live in so I think it's unreasonable to expect zero PDA. I've had slews of roommates over the years and it was always understood that when living with people you were going to be subjected to a little more PDA than you may be from your regular friends. Granted since frequenting Ehell it has become very apparent to me that I and my circle are far looser than most so I understand others may not have that perception.

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Winterlight

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Re: S/O Cake Smashing. When a couple wrestles.
« Reply #21 on: October 02, 2012, 03:23:08 PM »
With the new information, it sounds like the wife changed her mind about having someone live there with them or was unhappy with the situation and was looking for a way out.

I think that Ed probably wasn't completely truthful with his wife or with us. I started getting that feeling immediately.

However, I still think she had a real problem with our relationship. She sounded genuinely disgusted when she was speaking to us.

I think it could be both. Her husband may well have imposed you two on her and she didn't know how or wasn't able to say "No." And she was really bothered by the wrestling/teasing since it was happening where she could see it. 
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Twik

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Re: S/O Cake Smashing. When a couple wrestles.
« Reply #22 on: October 02, 2012, 04:03:50 PM »
However, I still think she had a real problem with our relationship. She sounded genuinely disgusted when she was speaking to us.

Well, that's the downside of sharing living quarters with another couple. You are very likely to learn things about each other you would prefer not to know.

I'm not entirely sure what is meant by "wrestling" here, so how offended she was entitled to be is a moot point.
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Sharnita

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Re: S/O Cake Smashing. When a couple wrestles.
« Reply #23 on: October 02, 2012, 05:43:58 PM »
By "teasing" do you mean playful insults?  That combined with the wrestling could make her feel like she is witnessing something that is almost abusive, physically and verbally.  If she feels that way then I think it is understandable for her to decide she can't tolerate it in her home.  She might even feel she needs to explain why, although it sounds like her explanation was unkind to say the least. 

OP, you know that some of what you have explained about your relationship with your partner regarding rules and expectations has received criticism even here.  There are a lot of people who, for various reasons, don't understand/feel comfortable/whatever and decide to let you know - and they are not living in close proximity and seeing it first hand. While I don't think it is our business I feel that way at least in part because you have the space to conduct your life they way you choose, under your own roof.  That gives all of us space to be tolerant of whatever differences we might have.  Sharing living space with anyone is difficult and the more different they are in certain key areas the more challenging it might be.  While it isn't always a problem it was in this case.

SiotehCat

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Re: S/O Cake Smashing. When a couple wrestles.
« Reply #24 on: October 02, 2012, 07:51:09 PM »
Thanks for the input, everyone. 

I have been upset about it for so long. Its nice to get everyone elses input on the situation.

I have never equated our wrestling to PDA. There is nothing sexual about it. DS even joins in sometimes.

It did turn out for the best though. Our family is too big to be sharing an apartment and there was no way that we were going to leave our cats behind. There is no apartment in the world that could get me to do that.

WillyNilly

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Re: S/O Cake Smashing. When a couple wrestles.
« Reply #25 on: October 02, 2012, 08:03:24 PM »
It does sound like it was a blessing is disguise  :D
It sounds like regardless of the size of the place, you and they were just really different people not suited to sharing home space.


I have never equated our wrestling to PDA. There is nothing sexual about it. DS even joins in sometimes.


PDA = Public Displays of Affection
They don't have to be sexual to be PDA's.  Many people are uncomfortable with all sorts of physical affection or really even any displays of affection at all.

Allyson

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Re: S/O Cake Smashing. When a couple wrestles.
« Reply #26 on: October 02, 2012, 09:37:50 PM »
I would be surprised about people being as worried about PDA in a roommate type situation than with, say, hanging out with friends. To me if you're in your own home, the rules are a little looser. Wrestling wouldn't tweak my radar as a weird thing, personally. So I don't think you were rude to do it in the situation you were in.

She wasn't totally out of line to be bothered by it--there are lots of things I'd not be comfortable with from roommates. But, I really think she could've dealt with it differently. Talked to you about it--tried to explain what it was that bothered her. If she thought it was abusive, you could've cleared that up, and if it was just that she didn't like to see that kind of thing, you guys could've tried to negotiate. 

SoCalVal

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Re: S/O Cake Smashing. When a couple wrestles.
« Reply #27 on: October 02, 2012, 09:41:25 PM »
This might be an odd question, but what exactly is couples wrestling?  I can't quite picture it in my head since I'd imagine it doesn't involve the kind of wrestling done on TV.



Ceallach

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Re: S/O Cake Smashing. When a couple wrestles.
« Reply #28 on: October 02, 2012, 10:10:43 PM »
I do not think that wrestling is appropriate activity when you are a houseguest in somebody's home and can understand why you were asked to leave.   There is potential for something to get broken or damaged, or for the people involved to be making excessive noise.   Basically, it's just not the way one should behave as a houseguest.  It lacks decorum.   Rough-housing is just outside of the scope of what's acceptable as a visitor, unless you are in a situation where your hosts also want to engage in that type of activity or where it's encouraged in some way. 

However, I do think it's perfectly fine for couples to engage in that type of activity in their own home or outdoors even.   DH and I don't wrestle, but then again I'm not somebody who wrestled with my siblings as a child either so it would be weird for me to find wrestling a remotely interesting or pleasant pastime.   It's just not for me.  :D    Her judgment of your relationship as disgusting was incredibly rude.   Her reasons for wanting you to leave were not.
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cjeanies

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Re: S/O Cake Smashing. When a couple wrestles.
« Reply #29 on: October 02, 2012, 10:13:21 PM »
I am just so totally stuck on the fact that they expected a couple to share a not-private bedroom for an extended period of time.  That is crazy.  How in the world did they think that was going to work?  They get a private bedroom where their private life stays private and put you in a living space that is not private and then feel free to judge?  That is not right.  Was the plan for them to ignore other activities as long as they approved?  I just do not get their thinking on this.  I think they were rude and sneaky to pull a bait and switch.  And I think she was rude by being condescending about you relationship while she was telling you to leave, when they were the ones that had asked you to come in the first place.  She should have just said sorry, it wasn't working out.  What kind of people do this? 

I mean, I guess to go back to your original question, if you were sharing an apartment the way people normally do where you had your own room, it would be rude to be so loud that they can still hear you over music or something, but that is not    the situation you were in.  They put you in that situation, what in the world did they expect.  I'm baffled by them.