Should I tell her that her cat died? (some sad animal stuff)

[TealDragon]

I was friends with this girl Terry in college. After college, we remained friends, but she developed a severe drinking problem and would attempt to start physical fights with me and would try to pressure me to drink and drive and would also drive drunk all the time herself and she would come to my apartment and help herself to all of my food...there was no friendship at that point. After a particularly bad fight where she actually slapped me because she was drunk, I decided we were not friends, and we did not speak again after that. However, I never did get around to deleting her on Facebook.

About two years ago, she posted that she needed to rehome her cat because it had lost a leg and it was too much to take care of. No one took her up on it and she reacted in her typical fashion and threw a fit and said that if no one took the cat by a certain day, she was just going to let him go outside. I am the world's biggest sucker for animals and no matter how much I can't stand Terry, I did not feel right knowing that this poor animal was likely going to meet a bad end for no reason. I also had another friend who happened to want to adopt a cat and had no problems with a disabled cat. I sent her a message saying that she could drop the cat off with me and I'd give it to my other friend. She responded very gratefully and tried to ask if I wanted to get coffee sometime and catch up. When she dropped the cat off, she seemed like she'd really changed over the couple of years, so I said sure, we could catch up sometime, and figured if she still sucked, I just wouldn't see her again. Well, not a huge surprise, she flaked out and we haven't seen each other since she dropped off the cat two years ago.

Sadly, about a month ago, the cat died. He came down with some rare genetic disease that is unrelated to the leg, she has no idea that the cat ever had anything else wrong with him, so it's not like this would be expected, as he was healthy aside from the missing leg when she gave him up. Last week, she sent me a message asking me to catch up again. I really have no interest in that whatsoever and don't believe that she would show up even if I did agree to meet up with her. But since she did contact me, should I let her know about the cat? She hasn't asked about him at all since she gave him up, and she didn't really seem to care much about him when she had him. However, I cannot imagine not wanting to know and if I had to rehome my pet and it died and someone didn't tell me, I think I'd be upset. But I'm not sure if that's just me? Also, if I do tell her, I'm not sure how to phrase it, especially since the message would be in response to her wanting to get together again and I don't want to.

[Sharnita]

I don't think I would.  I think that the fact that she really hasn't been in contact, never asked about the cat, etc all contribute to that.  Also, it really isn't her cat. It was but it stopped being her cat when she gave it up.  Perhaps she cut her ties and grieved it then.

[JenJay]

I wouldn't. She didn't give a crud about the cat when he was hers and, unfortunately, I doubt she'd care any more now. If she ever asks you can tell her (if you're still friended with her and want to respond).

[ettiquit]

Nope.  She was too lazy to care for a disabled cat (I had a tripod kitty for awhile - not that big a deal!), and she lost all rights to information about him when she gave him up.

Ignore her.

[Jones]

I think that, if she brings it up, you can say something. If she does not, don't bring it up yourself. Frankly, since she was going to set the cat free to the wild, I don't think she'll ask because she doesn't care about Cat's well being.

I have "second hand" dogs. Surprise, but their previous owners don't ask me how any of them are doing. Well, one has, she'll send me a message every so often asking how Max is doing, if she's grown at all, can she visit, etc. When Max dies I'll let her know, but the other previous owners don't care and I have no reason to tell them anything.

[LeveeWoman]

It wasn't her cat so she has no right to know.

[Queen of Clubs]

Nope.  She was too lazy to care for a disabled cat (I had a tripod kitty for awhile - not that big a deal!), and she lost all rights to information about him when she gave him up.

Ignore her.

Heh, I love that phrase "tripod kitty".  I can't imagine that a 3-legged cat would be that difficult to care for, unless the loss of the leg was due to other (continuing) health conditions.

OP, I wouldn't bother telling her unless she actually asks.  It doesn't sound as if she's that bothered (what with saying she'd put the cat out to fend for itself).

[TealDragon]

I think the leg issue was that he had recently lost the leg and she wasn't very keen on keeping up with the vet bills and wound care. He was still bandaged when she dropped him off with me and I know the friend who took him in took him to the vet right away and there was a small infection problem that had to be cleared up. He was mostly healed though.

[Hmmmmm]

I see no reason to contact her about a cat she willingly gave up and has shown no interest in since then.

[Lynnv]

If it was her cat, then yes-you should tell her.  But it wasn't her cat. 

She chose to give up the cat.  And did so in such a way as to show that she had no compassion or caring for the creature she had taken on as a lifetime responsibility.  According to your update, the cat was still in bandages AND had an infection-and this girl was going to turn it loose to fend for itself.  That isn't acceptable to do to a cat in perfect health, let alone one that had been recently disabled and was sick.   She hasn't cared about the cat or checked up on it since then.

The cat belonged to your friend-the person who cared for it and loved it.  This girl-she was merely a (bad) custodian to the cat for a while until it found where it really belonged.  She is not owed anything, except a disdainful look, if she even bothers to bring up Tripod Kitty.

[doodlemor]

This person is *trouble.*  Don't let her back into your life. 

She didn't care about the poor cat, and won't care that it died.  In fact, you don't want to remind her that she ever had a cat, in case she might decide to get another cat that she would likely not care for very well.

If she ever asks about the cat you should tell her the truth, otherwise don't bring the subject to her attention.

You are a kind person, and project your kindly thoughts onto others.  From reading this board I've learned that many people have very callous thought patterns, and don't have any empathy/sympathy for others, whether the others have 4 legs or 2.

[YummyMummy66]

I would not say anything and I would have no further contact with her.

She gave up ownership of said cat when she gave him to your friend.

(And especially after reading that she was just going to put him outside if no one took him, there is no way I would tell her anything about that cat). 

[Calypso]

I'm having a weird reaction to your question.
I've had a lot of cats over the years and loved them all dearly. I adopted two cats a couple of years ago from my uber-flaky brother because his new girlfriend was allergic to them  (don't ask me my opinion about his choosing the new girlfriend over the long-owned cats  ). Anyway, I had to re-home one of them because the 5 other resident cats wouldn't stop picking on her. Luckily, the lady who DH used to go to for physical therapy had a little girl who loved cats, and Lily has been very happy there.

The thing is, as much as I loved that little kitty, I would be ok with not being notified when she passes. Hmmmm. I don't know if that makes me weird or what.


Long story short (too late) I think you're ok with  not telling her.

[gramma dishes]

I wouldn't bother to tell her even IF she asks!  You can truthfully say that you gave the kitty away to a wonderful human parent who loves it and that you don't consider it any of your business to ask about the cat at this point in time.  You know it is being well cared for.  (And it is.  First by the lady who took him in; now by whatever feline deity is in charge of Cat Heaven.)

[Winterlight]

I wouldn't tell her. She's opted out of being concerned all this time- there's really no point now.