Should I tell her that her cat died? (some sad animal stuff)

[LeveeWoman]

It's not your place to tell her because you didn't have the cat. What if you told her and she blind-sided your friend with a load of nastiness?

[bansidhe]

Nope. Don't bother. She obviously didn't/doesn't care about the cat and thus doesn't deserve to know. I have to wonder if he lost the leg in the first place because she wasn't looking out for him.

Kitty was lucky she vanished from his life and it sounds like you would be too.

[bah12]

You're not obligated to volunteer any information about a former pet to her and I wouldn't suggest doing so in this case.

However, if she specifically asks you if you know how her former cat is doing, I wouldn't lie.  "She transitioned into her new home very well and was very happy and well cared for.  Unfortunately, her owner discovered she had a rare genetic and she passed away a few months ago. Just know that she was loved, well taken care of and happy."

[TootsNYC]

I can see myself having to give a cat up because I couldn't care for it. (Wouldn't threaten to just shove it out of the door, of course.)

And even in the scenario I envision, in which I cared about the cat, I wouldn't feel you were obligated to tell me. Of course, I would probably ask, but if I forgot, I wouldn't expect you to volunteer it.

In the case of this girl, I'd just not respond at all. She was bad news twice, and I wouldn't bother anymore.

[zyrs]

No, don't tell her unless she asks you.

[jpcher]

I completely agree with the PPers . . . no need to contact her to volunteer the information especially since you don't want to talk to her anymore any way.

if she does ask, I think this is a perfect response:

You're not obligated to volunteer any information about a former pet to her and I wouldn't suggest doing so in this case.

However, if she specifically asks you if you know how her former cat is doing, I wouldn't lie.  "She transitioned into her new home very well and was very happy and well cared for.  Unfortunately, her owner discovered she had a rare genetic and she passed away a few months ago. Just know that she was loved, well taken care of and happy."

But, for some strange reason I don't think she'll ask.

[TealDragon]

I completely agree with the PPers . . . no need to contact her to volunteer the information especially since you don't want to talk to her anymore any way.

if she does ask, I think this is a perfect response:

You're not obligated to volunteer any information about a former pet to her and I wouldn't suggest doing so in this case.

However, if she specifically asks you if you know how her former cat is doing, I wouldn't lie.  "She transitioned into her new home very well and was very happy and well cared for.  Unfortunately, her owner discovered she had a rare genetic and she passed away a few months ago. Just know that she was loved, well taken care of and happy."

But, for some strange reason I don't think she'll ask.

Ok, I guess I'm just over thinking things...that's what I do.  I do like this wording though, I will use it if it ever comes up.

From what I understand of the cat's history, he lost his leg because he got out and got hit by a car. I have no idea if the getting out was just because he was a sneaky kitty or because she was negligent...she has a dog that she does seem to love and take really good care of and she likes animals in general. She was an animal science major for a semester, which was how we actually met. Her whole dramatic thing about giving the cat away was disturbing and seemed out of character for her when it happened, which is partially why I took the cat.

[KenveeB]

Etiquette-wise, once the person has given up the animal, there's no obligation to inform the previous owner of anything. If the previous owner had given up the cat due to extenuating circumstances and made an effort to keep informed on it, then I would feel a moral obligation to let them know if Kitty got sick or died. In these circumstances, where she essentially dumped the cat and hasn't made any effort to keep a tie, then there's no duty whatsoever.

[bopper]

Don't ask, don't tell.

[Lauren]

Well I'm going to come at it from a similar situation to the friend. I was given a cat in Year 7. Loved her and cared for her, but she will be the only cat I will ever have. (I'm not a cat person) When I moved across the country at 24, my parents and I decided that she would stay with them because she was old (at that point 13 years old) and I would be renting. Five years after that my parents were moving and the area they were moving into doesn't allow cats (issues with cats in general killing local wildlife, so no cats are alive) At that point she was 18 years old and there was no possibilty of moving her across the country) We tried everything to rehome her, and it was looking like we were going to have no option than taking her to the pound. Thankfully a friend stepped up and took her for us. We were lucky enough that I was able to be there when she took her, and it was horrible. My poor cat cried and cried, and I bawled my eyes out. I asked how she was at first but it honestly hurt too much to keep asking, and I didn't want to bother my friend too much. She died about six months ago and my friend messaged me on Facebook to tell me.

Yes you should tell her. The number of people that are saying no horrifies me. You don't have to get involved back in her life if you don't want to, but it will not hurt you to take two minutes out of your day to message her and say 'I'm really sorry, but Cat has passed on' When you rehomed cat for her you were happy to let her back into your life and she flaked out. What's changed now?

[secretrebel]

Yes, if she asks tell her.

Say "she had a lovely life with friend for x years but sadly passed away in [year]". Why wouldn't you tell her?

[ettiquit]

Yes you should tell her. The number of people that are saying no horrifies me. You don't have to get involved back in her life if you don't want to, but it will not hurt you to take two minutes out of your day to message her and say 'I'm really sorry, but Cat has passed on' When you rehomed cat for her you were happy to let her back into your life and she flaked out. What's changed now?

Your story is vastly different than the OP's.  The OPs friend announced that she was going to throw her 3-legged cat out on the street if no one was willing to take her.  This person apparently wouldn't have been willing to find a no kill shelter to take her to.  The only reason your family had to rehome your cat was because it absolutely not possible for you (or your parents) to keep him.  This woman had a choice, and she chose to no longer care about this cat.  I see nothing horrific in any of the posts above. 

[bah12]

Well I'm going to come at it from a similar situation to the friend. I was given a cat in Year 7. Loved her and cared for her, but she will be the only cat I will ever have. (I'm not a cat person) When I moved across the country at 24, my parents and I decided that she would stay with them because she was old (at that point 13 years old) and I would be renting. Five years after that my parents were moving and the area they were moving into doesn't allow cats (issues with cats in general killing local wildlife, so no cats are alive) At that point she was 18 years old and there was no possibilty of moving her across the country) We tried everything to rehome her, and it was looking like we were going to have no option than taking her to the pound. Thankfully a friend stepped up and took her for us. We were lucky enough that I was able to be there when she took her, and it was horrible. My poor cat cried and cried, and I bawled my eyes out. I asked how she was at first but it honestly hurt too much to keep asking, and I didn't want to bother my friend too much. She died about six months ago and my friend messaged me on Facebook to tell me.

Yes you should tell her. The number of people that are saying no horrifies me. You don't have to get involved back in her life if you don't want to, but it will not hurt you to take two minutes out of your day to message her and say 'I'm really sorry, but Cat has passed on' When you rehomed cat for her you were happy to let her back into your life and she flaked out. What's changed now?

I don't think this situation is the same. The OP only acted as a catalyst to help rehome the cat.  She was not the new caretaker.  Her obligation to keep her old friend united with her former pet is over.

Also, you clearly still cared very much for your cat and had a relationship with it's new owner.  Not the case here.

It doesn't appear that the old friend and the new owner made any kind of arrangments to keep the prior informed of the status of her cat...and if they had, that would be the new owner's responsibility.  Not the OPs.

I stand by statement that the OP is not obligated to volunteer any information on the cat's well being to her old friend, but I would encourage her to absolutely be honest if her friend ever asks her directly.

[Raintree]

Someone who would even think about, or threaten to, or joke about throwing their cat (or any other pet) out onto the street, doesn't deserve updates. She hasn't even asked for updates in all this time. I wouldn't feel obligated, although if she asks you can let her know. Doesn't sound as though she has made any inquiries to date.

[purpleperil]

The only reason the people who rehomed my two kitties with me will ever find out about their death is if I still work with the daughter/step-daughter of the couple who no longer wanted them. Mine were given up because the new woman in their owners life didn't care for cats and they became shut away in one room and he decided they needed a better life than that. I don't think they deserve to know their fate.

Though saying that, I did give my co-worker a few pictures of them romping and being happy for them to see a few months after they came to live with me.

ETA(posted before I was done!) I don't think she needs to know. Much like my kitties this cat was rehomed because he became inconvenient, not due to circumstances beyond her control. So I think she doesn't need to know.