To me, it sounds like you feel terrible about this, and I think you will feel better once you come clean. Being stressed about this is the last thing you need at the end of your pregnancy! What I would do if I was very close to my FIL - I would invite him over for coffee (or lunch or whatever) and cry. Tell him how much he means to you, that you love him, respect him, are so grateful that he's such a big part of your lives, and then once he's buttered up and feeling good, admit that you've chosen with the support of a very experienced midwife to have a home birth. (If it will help you/him, add that you will of course transfer to the birth center at the first sign of trouble, and reassure him how amazing and professional the midwife is and that she won't take any chances with you/the baby's life.) I think if you first focus on all the wonderful things about your relationship with FIL and how much you love him, he'll take the truth a lot better. I also think it's best for you that you tell him sooner rather than later -- you don't need to be worrying about this now.