With "Friends" Like These... But Is He Right?

[Tabby Uprising]

The ex in this story is a jerk, but it is totally possible for young kids to enjoy water parks.

My kids are daredevils, so I waited until they were tall enough to ride some big slides to take them for the first time. And that was when my son was 2. He was definitely not the youngest kid enjoying the kiddie area, the lazy river, the wave pool. He was the youngest kid on the 3-story slides, but that was just because he is both fearless and exceedingly tall for his age.

I know my neighbor was taking her more timid child to waterparks when she was just learning to walk, around 12 months old.

Oh absolutely! My mom took niece (5) and nephew (2) to a local water park once a week over the summer.  They loved it!  There were a lot of age appropriate activities for them: splash pads, wadding pools, lazy river, slides... I actually think it would be hard for an adult to enjoy a water park while watching a little one.  You have to be hyper-vigilant!

[Girlie]

OP -
Your STBXH is not a babysitter. He is a father. If he chooses to take Babymoss out for a day at the water park, that is his business, and he needs to pony up the dough.

You did well, and I betcha I can tell you exactly why the guy who called you makes such a good pairing with your STBXH.  They're both jerks.

[lowspark]

The ex in this story is a jerk, but it is totally possible for young kids to enjoy water parks.

My kids are daredevils, so I waited until they were tall enough to ride some big slides to take them for the first time. And that was when my son was 2. He was definitely not the youngest kid enjoying the kiddie area, the lazy river, the wave pool. He was the youngest kid on the 3-story slides, but that was just because he is both fearless and exceedingly tall for his age.

I know my neighbor was taking her more timid child to waterparks when she was just learning to walk, around 12 months old.

Oh absolutely! My mom took niece (5) and nephew (2) to a local water park once a week over the summer.  They loved it!  There were a lot of age appropriate activities for them: splash pads, wadding pools, lazy river, slides... I actually think it would be hard for an adult to enjoy a water park while watching a little one.  You have to be hyper-vigilant!

The number of exes crying poverty because of child support and complaining about what (they percieve) the mother is spending the money on is probably somewhere in the millions. My ex did it. And a friend of mine's husband did it about his ex. I used to cringe when I'd hear him because it so echoed what my own ex would say. I had no idea whether his ex was a responsible mom or whether she squandered away every penny, but it was just so uncool to have to listen to it, especially since I was on the receiving end of it in my own situation.

My advice: ignore it, ignore it, ignore it. And NO, absolutely do not subsidize his activities with your child. That is not what the child support is for.

[MrsJWine]

I did a bit of digging. It seems the OP posted that she was near her due date in June of 2011. So, we're talking about 16 months +- a month or so.

And, as part of that digging, it also seems clear that the soon to be ex has never been overly involved in taking care of his child. Sadly, that seems to be a continuing trend. OP, you have my sympathy.

Finally, of course you shouldn't pay for her Dad to take her somewhere. Especially if you weren't even asked first.

That's odd. I found one that said she'd just had the baby in March of 2011. So the baby could be even older. But that's still well under the age where most places would start charging admission for a child. Some water parks do have a lot of fun things for very young children, but even those don't charge fun children under 2, IME.

[wheeitsme]

OP, I don't want you think that we are X-bashing.  My brother was an incredible divorced dad.  That's one of the reasons I feel I can safely say that you were right not to pay. It was  your STBXH job to cover himself and his child.

[Knitterly]

What a butt muffin.

Can I just say how much I love this phrase?!?!     And I agree.  Complete butt-muffin!

OP, I'm chiming my voice in with all the rest who said you are just fine.  Honestly, you're totally fine.  What your STBX does with his child when he has her is entirely his business.  If his friends pay, that's their business.  But they don't get to come after you for the money.  That's just ridiculous!

What next?  "You owe me $100 for the christmas gift I got her?"     No. 

[kherbert05]

OP, I don't want you think that we are X-bashing.  My brother was an incredible divorced dad.  That's one of the reasons I feel I can safely say that you were right not to pay. It was  your STBXH job to cover himself and his child.

There are great fathers in the world, and horrible fathers. Same is true of mothers. In the case the OP is in the clear and her STBX is a jerk.


My BIL's X used to love to tell their daughter she couldn't do X, Y, Z because Dad wouldn't pay. For the record the only thing he refused to pay for was a subpar private school, when the public school she was zoned for was far superior.


It backfired on the X. When niece was old enough - they showed her records of the payments they had made that for activities she never got to do because her mom drank/gambled the money away. (Happened because she yelled at them about getting braces - Mom had told her it was their fault she wasn't getting them. They showed her the account they had set up with the ortho money in it.) Niece played a wicked stepmother in a play - said she had the perfect real life model - he Mom.

[martin8]

and while I didn't JADE

What does this mean? I'm guessing JADE is an acronym, but I can't figure what it's for.

[LeveeWoman]

and while I didn't JADE

What does this mean? I'm guessing JADE is an acronym, but I can't figure what it's for.

Justify

Argue

Defend

Explain

Basically, when you JADE, you give others the opportunity to pick apart your reasons for doing--or not doing--something. To avoid this, you can tell others "That won't be possible" or something similar. Also, you can say "No" as a complete sentence. I'm sure others here can give more examples.

[martin8]

Ok, thanks.  I like this board, it's edjumactional. 

[LeveeWoman]

Ok, thanks. I like this board, it's edjumactional. 

E-Hell has helped install many spines of steel. Not only have I learned a great deal but I also am imparting that knowledge to my pre-teen son.

[Pandora]

No, you do not owe him any money.

I also detect some severe manipulative behavior here. Someone said he's never going to speak to you again?

Count your many blessings, count them one by one ...... count your many blessings, look what God has done .....

[Twik]

I somehow doubt that a year from now, STBXH will be viewed as such a "great guy" by his friends, when his extravagances cannot be made up by the OP.

Seriously - he goes to an expensive waterpark with no money, and just expects his friends to pay his way? I suspect that they'll get burned out on this really quickly.