Author Topic: "You obviously don't have children."  (Read 7366 times)

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Girlie

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Re: "You obviously don't have children."
« Reply #45 on: October 05, 2012, 09:48:22 AM »
I made a similar comment on a friends facebook recently - you obviously don't have a daughter'

She was moaning about the state of her sons school uniform and said that uniforms with white shirts must have been designed with girls in mind as girls sit quitely and not wreck their clothes - was my response ok, because it is very similar wording to ones being disparraged

The difference between this and the earlier comment is that you weren't actually disparaging anyone. You weren't making a comparison that you were somehow more deserving of some type of recognition or award or whatever because you have a daughter (of course, that's assuming that you do actually have a daughter).
Your response comes across as an observation that she is making the rather interesting assumption that all girls are neat, quiet little things who never get dirty or make a mess.

Twik

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Re: "You obviously don't have children."
« Reply #46 on: October 05, 2012, 11:08:24 AM »
I agree with the defriending, if this is not someone you're close to. I suspect they'll always be playing the "I have it worse than you" tune on their ukelele.

If you can't do that, I'd reply, "Thank you for your sympathy and support during this difficult time for me," every time she pulls it, then delete her comment.
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

Giggity

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Re: "You obviously don't have children."
« Reply #47 on: October 05, 2012, 11:58:49 AM »
I made a similar comment on a friends facebook recently - you obviously don't have a daughter'

She was moaning about the state of her sons school uniform and said that uniforms with white shirts must have been designed with girls in mind as girls sit quitely and not wreck their clothes - was my response ok, because it is very similar wording to ones being disparraged

it's pretty much the same as in the OP, so I'm afraid it's a little much.
Words mean things.

TurtleDove

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Re: "You obviously don't have children."
« Reply #48 on: October 05, 2012, 12:03:05 PM »
I always respect parents who maintain a strong sense of self along with a strong vibe of "and I am also a very good parent."  Personally, I think I am a better parent because I have a life outside of being one.  Some people truly are their best selves focusing solely on their children, but I am not one of those people!

Anyway, I think any sort of blanket statement is just silly. I would imagine people who are teachers or child care providers but who have no children of their own have a lot more experience with children than I do as the mother of a preschooler.

LifeOnPluto

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Re: "You obviously don't have children."
« Reply #49 on: October 06, 2012, 12:23:16 AM »
It's a rude comment. Nine times out of ten, it's code for "You obviously know nothing about the real world / hard work / responsibility / caring for someone other than yourself / etc."

All of which is silly of course, and very presumptuous.

Anyway, I'd probably opt for deleting his comment. I wouldn't reply, as that might just give him more ammunition.

Allyson

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Re: "You obviously don't have children."
« Reply #50 on: October 06, 2012, 01:13:34 AM »
I made a similar comment on a friends facebook recently - you obviously don't have a daughter'

She was moaning about the state of her sons school uniform and said that uniforms with white shirts must have been designed with girls in mind as girls sit quitely and not wreck their clothes - was my response ok, because it is very similar wording to ones being disparraged

Not even close to the same, in my opinion. If the OP had posted "Caring for children is nothing compared to what I'm going through" then his response would've been equivalent. Or if your response had been to your friend just saying she was frustrated that she had to pay so much for clothes for her son (thus implying daughters are 'harder').

*She* brought daughters into it, whereas the OP never brought kids into it.

artk2002

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Re: "You obviously don't have children."
« Reply #51 on: October 06, 2012, 11:35:18 AM »
I made a similar comment on a friends facebook recently - you obviously don't have a daughter'

She was moaning about the state of her sons school uniform and said that uniforms with white shirts must have been designed with girls in mind as girls sit quitely and not wreck their clothes - was my response ok, because it is very similar wording to ones being disparraged

I think your response was fine. It's a simple correction of the assumptions about boy and girl behavior. She made the inaccurate comparison and you simply cleared that up.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

jane7166

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Re: "You obviously don't have children."
« Reply #52 on: October 06, 2012, 03:25:49 PM »
Yes, OP, your excuse for being tired is just not good enough. 

If you had children, the message would be, "You obviously don't have YOUNG children." 

If you had young children, his message would be, "You obviously don't have teenagers."

If you had teenagers, his message:  "You obviously don't have adult children who are just starting out."

I hate one-upmanship. 

Piratelvr1121

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Re: "You obviously don't have children."
« Reply #53 on: October 06, 2012, 05:26:56 PM »
I knew a guy who used to one-up people but if anyone did it to him, he'd be the first one to whine about one-uppers.  ::)

At one point, both he and I had a long distance relationship. His gf was in Annapolis, my bf (now DH) in Paris Island, SC for boot camp, and then later in California.  We were going to Salisbury, MD.   So naturally his GF was a good deal closer than DH was and he got to see her more often than I was able to see DH, especially for the time that DH was in boot camp.

But somehow, he always managed to have it worse.  ::)
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Minmom3

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Re: "You obviously don't have children."
« Reply #54 on: October 06, 2012, 10:06:05 PM »
You cannot win with people who insist on having the best/worst of things, and it's get tedious as all get out trying to have a normal conversation with them.  So, give up entirely and walk away or hang up!    "OK, You WIN.....!!    And, end it!   ::) 
Mother to children and fuzz butts....

MrTango

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Re: "You obviously don't have children."
« Reply #55 on: October 06, 2012, 10:09:48 PM »
I'd be very tempted to say "You're right, I don't.  What was your point?"

Allyson

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Re: "You obviously don't have children."
« Reply #56 on: October 07, 2012, 02:12:31 AM »
'Other things I don't have that aren't relevant to the discussion...a parakeet, a degree in neuroscience, and a monster truck license...'

Ok, maybe not.