Girl's Only Birthday Party - is it rude for the GOH to bring her boyfriend? p50

[LifeOnPluto]

This is on behalf of my friend "Zoe".

Zoe's birthday is coming up, and she is hosting her own birthday party (in our circle, this is not uncommon. No one has a problem with it, so that's not the issue here).

Zoe is planning on treating a group of girl friends (around 6-8 people) to afternoon tea at a nice cafe. The issue is that Zoe has a new-ish boyfriend (of around 5 months standing) and would like him to attend also. Several of the invitees have husbands or boyfriends, but Zoe can't afford to pay for them all (she is a grad student on a limited budget). Inviting the husbands/boyfriends would mean that several of Zoe's single friends would need to be cut from the guest list (so she could stay within her budget), and Zoe is reluctant to do that.

There is an option of going someplace cheaper, so that the SOs can attend, but Zoe has wanted to try this cafe for a long time, and has her heart set on it.

Is it rude of Zoe to invite her friends to a "Girl's Afternoon Tea" but also bring her boyfriend? Or is it ok, since Zoe is both the hostess and the GOH? Would it work if Zoe told her friends in advance that whilst their SOs were not invited, her boyfriend would be present?

[pickles50]

Take gender out of the equation, she is inviting who she wants to have there.

[NyaChan]

Well if she hadn't called it a Girl's Afternoon Tea would you have cared that your SOs weren't invited?  Imagine you were just invited out to a hosted tea for her birthday and arrived to find that her boyfriend was there too.  I personally would not have a problem with that.  I think it is fine of her to create her guest list of the friends she wants to spend her birthday with which includes her boyfriend.  It seems clear from your post that these SOs are not also her friends anyways. 

[Roe]

I don't think she's rude for wanting him there but it is odd to have a man at a "girls tea."  If she wants him there, she should call it something else or just enjoy the day as a celebration with her girlfriends and choose to celebrate with him at another time.

[Sharnita]

Does a new-ish boyfriend want to be the only guy in a group of women and the new guy in a group of more established friends?  She might want him there but he might be happier taking her out when it is just them.

[lady_disdain]

Does a new-ish boyfriend want to be the only guy in a group of women and the new guy in a group of more established friends?  She might want him there but he might be happier taking her out when it is just them.

Very good point!

[bopper]

Since she is hosting, she can invite who she would like.  If it is a problem for you, then don't attend.

[artk2002]

Since she is hosting, she can invite who she would like.  If it is a problem for you, then don't attend.

You're right, she can invite whomever she wants. That doesn't make one man on a "girl's night out" any less peculiar. "People unclear on the concept..."

[Bluenomi]

If she's calling it a girl's afternoon tea she can't really invite the boyfriend because it then wouldn't be a girl's afternoon tea. If she just wants afternoon tea then she can invite him.

I'd asked the boyfriend first though, he might not want to be at a afternoon tea with just a group of girls who he doesn't know well (assuming he doesn't since he's a new boyfriend)

[Isometric]

Personally, I would do the girls lunch/tea and have something different with the boyfriend. In a new relationship the participants generally tend to spend a lot of time together so Zoe's friends might enjoy having her to themselves for an afternoon.

But, I also get the "it's her party, she can invite who she wants" point of view too.

[snowdragon]

I thought it was rude to only invite one half of a social unit unless it was a single gender event.  If her boyfriend is there it's no longer a single gender event and the other husbands and boyfriends should be invited - or he should not be. I am not sure where the exception is coming from for this.

[sweetonsno]

She can invite whomever she wishes. However, she shouldn't call it a "girl's only" event if she does invite him.

[MariaE]

Yes, it's rude. She can't invite people to a girl's only event and then have a guy there.

As for inviting whoever she wants... I know that if you go 100% by the book then it's rude to invite one half of a social unit, but I think it depends on the formality of the occasion. A formal event - very rude. An informal gathering - not so much. I see this as more of a group of friends hanging out together.

[staceym]

I have to ask why she feels she needs to invite him to a "girls only" tea?

[Barb3000]

EvilBarb thinks you should all start talking about intimate "girl" type problems when he is there...