Asking about religion after already brought up

[O'Dell]

I think you were fine asking. I also think the tutor was a bit silly to mention why she would be in the area if she didn't want questions. Maybe she'll rethink the way she states things like that from now on.

[TootsNYC]

I can understand Bijou's reaction (well, I can imagine having a similar one, perhaps; not saying I know what Bijou is thinking).

If someone I'm speaking with declines to share something like that, I take it as a cue that they want to stick to business. And so I respect that.

No "touchiness" or taking of offense, etc.--not so much a "reaction" as a "respecting."

[Zilla]

I think your question was perfectly fine since she "opened" the floor with her comment.  It isn't like you asked her what her religion was, you simply asked her which church was she talking about in your last conversation. And her declining was perfectly fine as well.  And lastly you did not persisted and probably wouldn't bring up again.


As for never speaking with her about anything unrelated to tutoring, it depends on the person but it isn't a blanket rule.  Not rude on either side as long as it's respected by both parties.

[QueenfaninCA]

I have  a slightly different take. Depending on the age of DD and what subject she is being tutored in, the evasiveness would actually be a red flag for me.

Back as an undergrad I tutored. I usually was alone with the kid. Now I tutored a non-controversial subject (math). But I would be a tad suspicious that tutor might be proselytising or be of a religion which teachings are at odds with my very science-based worldview and teach my DD some (what I consider) utter non-sense. I would not want to have someone who believes the world was created 6000 years ago to tutor my kid in high-school biology.

I hope I did not offend anyone, but IMHO religion and science are different subjects, best kept away from each other (something that some religious people tend to have a problem with).

[Sharnita]

I have  a slightly different take. Depending on the age of DD and what subject she is being tutored in, the evasiveness would actually be a red flag for me.

Back as an undergrad I tutored. I usually was alone with the kid. Now I tutored a non-controversial subject (math). But I would be a tad suspicious that tutor might be proselytising or be of a religion which teachings are at odds with my very science-based worldview and teach my DD some (what I consider) utter non-sense. I would not want to have someone who believes the world was created 6000 years ago to tutor my kid in high-school biology.

I hope I did not offend anyone, but IMHO religion and science are different subjects, best kept away from each other (something that some religious people tend to have a problem with).

Wouldn't it be better to ask your daughter what she was learning rather than the tutor where she went to church if you were concerned about that?

[Zilla]

If the OP was indeed concerned with that, I can see it raising a red flag, but OP said she didn't care and it was really just small talk.

[Captain Hastings]

I think you were fine to ask.  And I think if she wanted no questions then don't bring it up. Personally, I wouldn't ever ask her another question no matter how innocent, unrelated to my child's tutoring.

I think that's a bit of an over reaction.  I agree that the OP was fine to ask.  But it was also okay for the tutor to decline to answer.

Yeah, that seems a bit harsh. I do understand where Bijou is coming from—if the OP asked the tutor a few more innocuous questions ("How was your day?" "Where did you buy that sweater?" "What's your favorite color?") and got shut down each time I would absolutely stick strictly to business. But religion (like politics) is one of those subjects that people can be peculiar about, even when the intent is perfectly innocent.

For all we know the tutor told somebody where she went to church one time and they were rude to her about it or tried to convert her or something, and now she considers the topic off-limits to people who aren't close friends.

[Sharnita]

I think you were fine to ask.  And I think if she wanted no questions then don't bring it up. Personally, I wouldn't ever ask her another question no matter how innocent, unrelated to my child's tutoring.

I think that's a bit of an over reaction.  I agree that the OP was fine to ask.  But it was also okay for the tutor to decline to answer.

Yeah, that seems a bit harsh. I do understand where Bijou is coming from—if the OP asked the tutor a few more innocuous questions ("How was your day?" "Where did you buy that sweater?" "What's your favorite color?") and got shut down each time I would absolutely stick strictly to business. But religion (like politics) is one of those subjects that people can be peculiar about, even when the intent is perfectly innocent.

For all we know the tutor told somebody where she went to church one time and they were rude to her about it or tried to convert her or something, and now she considers the topic off-limits to people who aren't close friends.

I could totally understand that but I would expect her to be more protective of the fact that she was in the area for a church activity in the first place, then.

[MommyPenguin]

You know, just as another thought, but the tutor may not have wanted to give the name of her church for security reasons.  Just as she might not want to name her school, or other things that would make it easy for somebody to track her down outside the house.  I don't know much about the tutoring setup, I suppose if you already knew her name and address it wouldn't really matter.  But sometimes people prefer to keep their private life separate from their job, and since they don't know much about the family of kids they tutor, they don't want to give them a lot of information in case they turn out to be weirdos or something.  Especially if the tutor is young-ish (college-aged or younger) I could see this being an issue.

[Sharnita]

You know, just as another thought, but the tutor may not have wanted to give the name of her church for security reasons.  Just as she might not want to name her school, or other things that would make it easy for somebody to track her down outside the house.  I don't know much about the tutoring setup, I suppose if you already knew her name and address it wouldn't really matter.  But sometimes people prefer to keep their private life separate from their job, and since they don't know much about the family of kids they tutor, they don't want to give them a lot of information in case they turn out to be weirdos or something.  Especially if the tutor is young-ish (college-aged or younger) I could see this being an issue.

Good point

[Hmmmmm]

You know, just as another thought, but the tutor may not have wanted to give the name of her church for security reasons.  Just as she might not want to name her school, or other things that would make it easy for somebody to track her down outside the house.  I don't know much about the tutoring setup, I suppose if you already knew her name and address it wouldn't really matter.  But sometimes people prefer to keep their private life separate from their job, and since they don't know much about the family of kids they tutor, they don't want to give them a lot of information in case they turn out to be weirdos or something.  Especially if the tutor is young-ish (college-aged or younger) I could see this being an issue.

Good point

I don't think security is an issue for this tutor.  When we were interviewing her, she offered up where she lived, where she works now, where she went to school.  We've chatted about other non tutoring topics including cooking, exercise, and general news of the day stuff after she's finished tutoring before she goes.  A few weeks ago she told me about a vacation she was planning.

The only reason I even brought it up this time is I commented I hope she wasn't trying to get to her church function early since she arrived early.  She said no, that traffic had been unusually light. And then I said which church do you attend?

I'm also not concerned about her trying to impart her views on DD.  DD is a HS senior.

[VorFemme]

Religion was always a rather touchy subject with the Tudors.

A couple of them lost their heads - even a granddaughter found it a dangerous subject.

[dawbs]

You know, just as another thought, but the tutor may not have wanted to give the name of her church for security reasons.  Just as she might not want to name her school, or other things that would make it easy for somebody to track her down outside the house.  I don't know much about the tutoring setup, I suppose if you already knew her name and address it wouldn't really matter.  But sometimes people prefer to keep their private life separate from their job, and since they don't know much about the family of kids they tutor, they don't want to give them a lot of information in case they turn out to be weirdos or something.  Especially if the tutor is young-ish (college-aged or younger) I could see this being an issue.

Good point

I don't think security is an issue for this tutor.  When we were interviewing her, she offered up where she lived, where she works now, where she went to school.  We've chatted about other non tutoring topics including cooking, exercise, and general news of the day stuff after she's finished tutoring before she goes.  A few weeks ago she told me about a vacation she was planning.

The only reason I even brought it up this time is I commented I hope she wasn't trying to get to her church function early since she arrived early.  She said no, that traffic had been unusually light. And then I said which church do you attend?

I'm also not concerned about her trying to impart her views on DD.  DD is a HS senior.

Feel free to think I'm over-thinking this, but I'd hazard a guess that she was in 'personable-mode' (friendly, chatting, not focusing on the professional aspects) and your comment that implied she might have given your child short shrift (speaking as an employer, so, not in 'personable' mode) jolted her back into 'professional mode' -- and in that mode, you avoid non-professional chatter about possibly controversial subjects, especially if the employer just made a statement questioning your professionalism)