College Woes . . . (with BF breakup added) #30, UPDATE #46

[rashea]

School

I think one of the biggest problems with school is that what you're doing in the classroom (especially as an undergrad) is so different from what you'll do with the degree. The thing that helped me with that, was to find someone in the field I wanted to work in, and shadow them for a day every once in a while. For me, it reminded me that what I wanted to do wasn't actually sitting in a classroom reading articles and writing reports about them, but working with actual people. But, that all that learning was a tool that I would need when I got to the "real world".

She might also talk to her academic advisor, or a professor in the field that she really likes. Have them tell her what the job will be like. Some of them may not even know, but keep asking.

Boyfriends

I did psychic readings once at my school (a whole group of us did them). I can't tell you how many of the questions were "will I stay with my high school boyfriend." Regardless of the reading, the answer I knew to be true was, probably not. It's possible that he'll come back and they'll fall together again. It's also possible that this is a chance to spread her wings for a bit, and meet someone new. I wish her luck, it's painful.

[jpcher]

I sincerely need to thank you all once again.

From reading this thread and all of your posts, I think that I was able to give my DD#1 some advice, reassurances and suggestions that really helped her.

About 2 weeks ago, I sent DD#1 an e-mail with some snippets of what was posted here, just to let her know that she's not the only one in this world that is going through what she is going through.

She replied back "Thanks, this did kind of help and made me smile with all your "LOL!"s. And just so you know, I didn't roll my eyes at all "

I've talked to her since I've first posted, but avoided school matters, simple chit-chat whatca-doin' phone calls.


DD#1 called me yesterday. She sounded like my happy little girl again. She told me that she felt like the weight of the world was taken off of her shoulders.

She's been seeing her student adviser, she even went to counseling sessions, and she told me that she was no longer taking the fast-track to her career of choice.

I applauded her. She said that she thought I would be disappointed.*

It seems that the fast-track has about 1,000 applicants, and they only take the top 50. This is what she was working towards. Being in the top 50. This is what she was soooo stressed about.

They accept A students. She's a B student. She's even had special tutoring, etc., but she finally realized that she just doesn't make the grade.
She knows the material, she studies hard, but she has always frozen with tests, which is a majority of her grades.

She will still get a degree in her field of choice but in the job-world will only qualify for an assistant, not the star. Which, she realized, is fine with her. At least she'll be doing what she wants to do and then could go back to school for the specialized training.


Side note: DD#1 told me that she was a volunteer for today's city marathon ("UGH! I have to get up at 4:00 a.m.!) I told her that I was proud of her. So she is expanding her horizons and growing internally.


Again, thank you all for your help. While it still sounds like DD#1 still has a tough row to hoe, I think that she's in a better mind-set to do it.




*I reassured her that nothing she does would ever disappoint me AND that she's old enough to make her own choices without worrying about how I would feel.

[NyaChan]

I'm glad she's having a better time of it -  it really does help sometimes to know that setbacks happen to everyone & our parents won't think less of us for it

[artk2002]

She will still get a degree in her field of choice but in the job-world will only qualify for an assistant, not the star. Which, she realized, is fine with her. At least she'll be doing what she wants to do and then could go back to school for the specialized training.

She may not jump into the star spot right out of school, true, but I wouldn't take that as a sign of anything. First off, most of us work for 40 or so years and a lot can (and does) change in that time. Second, I have seen plenty of "fast track" kids crash and burn in the workplace. The skills necessary to get good grades aren't always the skills necessary to do well at a job.

It sounds like she has a wise head on her shoulders, and a mom who is very supportive. She'll find a way to star. It may take a few years, but she'll do it.

[rashea]

To take the pressure off further, she might look into academic counseling to help her figure out how to take tests without stress. My sister did that, and it made a real difference. It never made them easy, but it helped.

And I'm so happy she's doing better!