Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.

[SCAJAfamily]

Ugh I'm so sorry.  This happened to us once at S's 8th grade graduation party.  The invite said drop in from 1-5pm.  Some relatives came at 4:30.  I had to take C to a class and came back at 6pm and they were still here.  Dh didn't want to kick them out but I basically told them the party was over and they needed to leave.  You would have thought I had asked them to jump off a bridge.  The invite was very specific and they didn't bother showing up until the end.

[artk2002]

I attended a private school - my school had that policy. Although at ours it was also okay to invite all girls/boys instead of the entire class and the policy was only for grades 0-6. I think it's an absolutely brilliant policy and wish more school had it. Fortunately it's very common in Denmark, and I'd actually never met anybody who didn't think it was a good policy until this thread!

That's close to the policy at my sons' private school as well. It fades as the kids get older and they learn to be more discreet about things.

The policy is that you either have very few (as in two or three) or you invite on a "natural division" like gender. What they're trying to avoid is inviting everyone in the class except for that kid. I think that they have the right to do that because the emotional issues that come from a kid being excluded will show up in the classroom.

[MariaE]

I attended a private school - my school had that policy. Although at ours it was also okay to invite all girls/boys instead of the entire class and the policy was only for grades 0-6. I think it's an absolutely brilliant policy and wish more school had it. Fortunately it's very common in Denmark, and I'd actually never met anybody who didn't think it was a good policy until this thread!

That's close to the policy at my sons' private school as well. It fades as the kids get older and they learn to be more discreet about things.

The policy is that you either have very few (as in two or three) or you invite on a "natural division" like gender. What they're trying to avoid is inviting everyone in the class except for that kid. I think that they have the right to do that because the emotional issues that come from a kid being excluded will show up in the classroom.

Re. the bolded: Exactly! And that is also exactly why I support their decision to have such a policy. It's one tangible step the school can actually take against bullying/exclusion.

[Zilla]

I attended a private school - my school had that policy. Although at ours it was also okay to invite all girls/boys instead of the entire class and the policy was only for grades 0-6. I think it's an absolutely brilliant policy and wish more school had it. Fortunately it's very common in Denmark, and I'd actually never met anybody who didn't think it was a good policy until this thread!

That's close to the policy at my sons' private school as well. It fades as the kids get older and they learn to be more discreet about things.

The policy is that you either have very few (as in two or three) or you invite on a "natural division" like gender. What they're trying to avoid is inviting everyone in the class except for that kid. I think that they have the right to do that because the emotional issues that come from a kid being excluded will show up in the classroom.

Re. the bolded: Exactly! And that is also exactly why I support their decision to have such a policy. It's one tangible step the school can actually take against bullying/exclusion.

Unless that kid is the bully.  This was why we didn't have parties to avoid having to invite "that" kid the bully.

[Coruscation]

Zilla beat me to it. I have actually invited the entire (small) class except for the child who was bullying my daughter. DD is tender hearted and didn't want exclude her but I refused to have her in my house. I didn't give out the invitations at school though.

[sourwolf]

I attended a private school - my school had that policy. Although at ours it was also okay to invite all girls/boys instead of the entire class and the policy was only for grades 0-6. I think it's an absolutely brilliant policy and wish more school had it. Fortunately it's very common in Denmark, and I'd actually never met anybody who didn't think it was a good policy until this thread!

That's close to the policy at my sons' private school as well. It fades as the kids get older and they learn to be more discreet about things.

The policy is that you either have very few (as in two or three) or you invite on a "natural division" like gender. What they're trying to avoid is inviting everyone in the class except for that kid. I think that they have the right to do that because the emotional issues that come from a kid being excluded will show up in the classroom.

Re. the bolded: Exactly! And that is also exactly why I support their decision to have such a policy. It's one tangible step the school can actually take against bullying/exclusion.

I could actually see this as another opportunity to bully the student.  He/she might be teased about being the "forced" invite before the party and then teased/ignored at the party.

[MariaE]

I attended a private school - my school had that policy. Although at ours it was also okay to invite all girls/boys instead of the entire class and the policy was only for grades 0-6. I think it's an absolutely brilliant policy and wish more school had it. Fortunately it's very common in Denmark, and I'd actually never met anybody who didn't think it was a good policy until this thread!

That's close to the policy at my sons' private school as well. It fades as the kids get older and they learn to be more discreet about things.

The policy is that you either have very few (as in two or three) or you invite on a "natural division" like gender. What they're trying to avoid is inviting everyone in the class except for that kid. I think that they have the right to do that because the emotional issues that come from a kid being excluded will show up in the classroom.

Re. the bolded: Exactly! And that is also exactly why I support their decision to have such a policy. It's one tangible step the school can actually take against bullying/exclusion.

I could actually see this as another opportunity to bully the student.  He/she might be teased about being the "forced" invite before the party and then teased/ignored at the party.

I was the bullied child in my class, I can honestly say that never happened. The policy was set in stone so it was never questioned, never debated, and nobody talked about who was only there because they had to be invited. It was just the rule.

Yes, that meant I had to invite my bully as well. She never bullied me at birthday parties (mine or others), only at school. Did I mind inviting her? No, it was the rule. The option of not invitingnher was never even raised.

Sure, I stopped inviting her after grade 6, but I stopped inviting 10 other girls at that time too.

[SoCalVal]

How long has this policy been in place?  When my younger sister was in 6th grade in '84-85, there was no such policy.  I remember not being happy about not being invited to a party but such is life.  I got over it quickly.  I remember a friend of mine (who had a persecution complex) complaining about not being invited to the party of another friend of mine (Friend 1 assumed that Friend 2 was not inviting anyone Asian since Friend 2 is Caucasian -- not true since I was invited and was another Asian friend; Friend 1 wasn't the most pleasant person AND, most importantly, wasn't friends with Friend 2, so there really wasn't a reason she'd be invited, especially since many others in class were not invited).

[NyaChan]

I think it is very school specific.  I started post-K school in 93-94, I think, and it was never instituted at my elementary, middle, or high school.  We did have directory books at all of them though, so inviting people at school was done either very discreetly or outside of school. 

[oz diva]

Interesting that there was an arts & crafts table--I think if I'd been presented with that, like your friend I wouldn't have felt I could say no and send them away, but I would probably have sent them there when they asked about goody bags. "No, but you can do the craft!"

And I'd have also been directing them to the birthday girl as well.

At the last school I attended, the school issued a class directory sheet.  I loved it.  It said on the top that if you entered your info on this optional class list, it would be given to all parents in the class.  I loved loved loved this idea.

This is standard at our school. We are also told not to use it for any other purposes, ie not to spam.

[One Fish, Two Fish]

I remember the pain of being excluded from a birthday invitation that a child passed out during class in the first grade. 
At my daughter's school, parents have the choice of either mailing invitations to certain children in class or inviting the entire grade level (60+ children).  I really think they are trying to discourage invitations being given out at school.  I will instead send cupcakes to her class on her birthday. 
It is so hard to fathom the gall of some people!  To insinuate that the hostess was rude for failing to make up goody bags for children is beyond belief! 

[YummyMummy66]

In our school district, (two elementary schools, one middle 5-8 and one high school 9-12), this is how we do it.

(And this is basically the elementary schools' rules.  At junior/middle and high school, you know the numbers of your friends, etc. who you would invite to a party.

Either the whole class is invited or it is either all boys invited or all girls invited to a party, if you are handing invitations out at school.   You cannot just hand a few invitations to a few people in your class.  Also, I am not sure, but I don't think you can hand out invitations to other kids in other classes.  This is per your class only.  Anything else must be done outside of school.

It is not the teacher's job to hand out invitations or to see that they get to other students in the school.

Also, we do not have a directory, so we cannot fiind out addresses of students this way to mail them personally.

[SuperMartianRobotGirl]

At our school, you only have to invite everyone, or all boys or all girls, if you hand out invitations at school. It can be a very public way of excluding someone. I however always mail invitations so this is not an issue for me. I don't want that many kids at a party. Plus my kids have friends through church, and kids through other activities, and if I invite every kid from every one of those groups, I'd have a bazillion people.

But anyway, as to the OP, you have to get used to kicking people out. "Sorry you missed the party, but we aren't having cake anymore. It's time to go. Maybe next time! Bye!"

[Sharnita]

As far as directories, there are probably many reasons schools have them or don't. It would be a significant cost as far as copying goes. MAny districts have such a strict limit on copies that teachers can only make class sets of tests and reading materials.

Also, in some areas they just aren't practical. If the population in your district moves a lot, changes phone numbers, etc. There is really no point.  In high crime areas it is also really unwise.

[sourwolf]

I attended a private school - my school had that policy. Although at ours it was also okay to invite all girls/boys instead of the entire class and the policy was only for grades 0-6. I think it's an absolutely brilliant policy and wish more school had it. Fortunately it's very common in Denmark, and I'd actually never met anybody who didn't think it was a good policy until this thread!

That's close to the policy at my sons' private school as well. It fades as the kids get older and they learn to be more discreet about things.

The policy is that you either have very few (as in two or three) or you invite on a "natural division" like gender. What they're trying to avoid is inviting everyone in the class except for that kid. I think that they have the right to do that because the emotional issues that come from a kid being excluded will show up in the classroom.

Re. the bolded: Exactly! And that is also exactly why I support their decision to have such a policy. It's one tangible step the school can actually take against bullying/exclusion.

I could actually see this as another opportunity to bully the student.  He/she might be teased about being the "forced" invite before the party and then teased/ignored at the party.

I was the bullied child in my class, I can honestly say that never happened. The policy was set in stone so it was never questioned, never debated, and nobody talked about who was only there because they had to be invited. It was just the rule.

Yes, that meant I had to invite my bully as well. She never bullied me at birthday parties (mine or others), only at school. Did I mind inviting her? No, it was the rule. The option of not invitingnher was never even raised.

Sure, I stopped inviting her after grade 6, but I stopped inviting 10 other girls at that time too.

We had very different experiences.  I was the bullied child who was invited to the party and given a hard time because the birthday girl "had" to invite me.  My parents were well meaning but clueless telling me "well she wouldn't have invited you if she didn't want you to come."  I was ignored at the party, and then, at school the week after, made fun of for being a stuck up snob.