Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.

[LeveeWoman]

I'm aware some schools have that policy but I abhor it.

[Sharnita]

I'm aware some schools have that policy but I abhor it.

People have options of inviting guests outside of class. 

[MommyPenguin]

I'm aware some schools have that policy but I abhor it.

People have options of inviting guests outside of class.

Not always.  Parents don't have contact information for other kids in the class.  Younger kids don't always know their own addresses, so kids can't ask their friends their addresses and mail the information.  Kids don't always ride the bus together or see each other outside of school, so they don't have any other opportunity to pass out the invitation.  It can be hard to manage to invite kids you know only from school without doing it at school.  I'm not saying it won't ever work, but sometimes there aren't a lot of other good options.

[LeveeWoman]

I'm aware some schools have that policy but I abhor it.

People have options of inviting guests outside of class.

But they don't have the choice to invite just a few they like in class.

Life is not fair. Not every child in a class deserves to be invited into someone's home. I detest the state (in the case of a state school) dictating whom we are allowed to invite into our homes in the name of being fair.

[Hillia]

I'm aware some schools have that policy but I abhor it.

People have options of inviting guests outside of class.

But they don't have the choice to invite just a few they like in class.

Life is not fair. Not every child in a class deserves to be invited into someone's home. I detest the state (in the case of a state school) dictating whom we are allowed to invite into our homes in the name of being fair.

If you're using the state resources (school space and time, whether in the classroom or on the playground at recess) to organize your social life, they do have the right to dictate some terms.  If you don't like it, find an alternative that doesn't involve the school.

[LeveeWoman]

I'm aware some schools have that policy but I abhor it.

People have options of inviting guests outside of class.

But they don't have the choice to invite just a few they like in class.

Life is not fair. Not every child in a class deserves to be invited into someone's home. I detest the state (in the case of a state school) dictating whom we are allowed to invite into our homes in the name of being fair.

If you're using the state resources (school space and time, whether in the classroom or on the playground at recess) to organize your social life, they do have the right to dictate some terms.  If you don't like it, find an alternative that doesn't involve the school.

This is one of the reasons my child attends a private school.

[Sharnita]

I'm aware some schools have that policy but I abhor it.

People have options of inviting guests outside of class.

Not always.  Parents don't have contact information for other kids in the class.  Younger kids don't always know their own addresses, so kids can't ask their friends their addresses and mail the information.  Kids don't always ride the bus together or see each other outside of school, so they don't have any other opportunity to pass out the invitation.  It can be hard to manage to invite kids you know only from school without doing it at school.  I'm not saying it won't ever work, but sometimes there aren't a lot of other good options.

I think the school's point is that doing it in class is not a good option.

I think that there are a lot of options but it might not meet the parental ideal.  It might mean having a much smaller party than parents envision, waiting to invite kids you don't know as well until the child is old enough to get contact information, etc.  The school is not there to provide a pool of children from which *you* can choose *your* birthday guests. 

[NyaChan]

I'm not sure how I feel about this sort of school policy, but another reason I can think of is that if a problem happens to occur - hurt feelings, lost invites, etc., it is the school that would have to deal with it as that is when all the kids see each other.  Keeping this policy means that problems that happen with out of school socializing will have a more limited effect on the classroom.

[Sharnita]

I'm not sure how I feel about this sort of school policy, but another reason I can think of is that if a problem happens to occur - hurt feelings, lost invites, etc., it is the school that would have to deal with it as that is when all the kids see each other.  Keeping this policy means that problems that happen with out of school socializing will have a more limited effect on the classroom.

Additionally, with older kids, if a party get out of hand and has underage drinking, property damage or anything else the school doesn't want to have invites handed out in class. 

[Pen^2]

What awful behaviour! I can see why your friend was taken aback and defaulted to being overly nice--it's not something you'd ever expect!

I wouldn't have let them in the door. People who don't know how to be polite often need a helping hand. I'd have said something like "the party's over, sorry you missed it, but here's the birthday girl so you can say 'happy birthday'." A request for cake/ice-cream/balloons/goodies would have been met with a confused, "the party's over, so that's not possible. But thanks for dropping by just to say 'happy birthday' to the birthday girl!" Further requests would have been responded to with "how strange, I thought you came here to see the birthday girl, not to get cake. That's really weird. But since the party's over, that isn't possible anyway. So thanks again for dropping by and see you later!" over and over until they got the point.

It might seem crass, but honestly, what they did was appalling! There's nothing rude in drawing attention to when others are being inappropriate if it helps them see what they're actually doing. Just follow it up with an emphasis on doing the right thing, or on what they should have done and now are about to do at your prompting. Most people are too embarrassed to do otherwise, especially if you do it nicely or in a confused way, rather than confrontationally.

I went to a school where you had to invite the whole class. I could understand the reasons for the policy, but I didn't like it. And just about every single time, the parents of the few kids you wouldn't have wanted to invite would bring along various uninvited siblings or small cousins as though it were an acceptable thing to do. I wish someone had the spine to turn them away rather than let them continue to impose on the birthdays of twenty children throughout the year. Just a "oh, thanks for bringing <invited child>, I'd better let you go now with <uninvited one> since you've obviously got something special planned for the two of you if you had to bring him/her with you just to drop off <invited child>. Hope you two have fun! Bye!"

[oz diva]

I don't suppose they gave the birthday girl a birthday present either. To my way of thinking you give a present you get cake and a goody bag. No present, no cake.

[MariaE]

I'm aware some schools have that policy but I abhor it.

People have options of inviting guests outside of class.

But they don't have the choice to invite just a few they like in class.

Life is not fair. Not every child in a class deserves to be invited into someone's home. I detest the state (in the case of a state school) dictating whom we are allowed to invite into our homes in the name of being fair.

If you're using the state resources (school space and time, whether in the classroom or on the playground at recess) to organize your social life, they do have the right to dictate some terms.  If you don't like it, find an alternative that doesn't involve the school.

This is one of the reasons my child attends a private school.

I attended a private school - my school had that policy. Although at ours it was also okay to invite all girls/boys instead of the entire class and the policy was only for grades 0-6. I think it's an absolutely brilliant policy and wish more school had it. Fortunately it's very common in Denmark, and I'd actually never met anybody who didn't think it was a good policy until this thread!

[LifeOnPluto]

If they'd come to the door, apologised profusely (both to the hostess, and to the Birthday Girl), it may have been a nice gesture to have asked them in, offered some leftover cake, etc.

But in this case? Nope. Your friend would have been fine in turning them away.

And the moment they started demanding party bags and balloons, was the moment they should have been asked to leave.

[Rohanna]

I'm aware some schools have that policy but I abhor it.

People have options of inviting guests outside of class.

But they don't have the choice to invite just a few they like in class.

Life is not fair. Not every child in a class deserves to be invited into someone's home. I detest the state (in the case of a state school) dictating whom we are allowed to invite into our homes in the name of being fair.

If you're using the state resources (school space and time, whether in the classroom or on the playground at recess) to organize your social life, they do have the right to dictate some terms.  If you don't like it, find an alternative that doesn't involve the school.

This is one of the reasons my child attends a private school.

I attended a private school - my school had that policy. Although at ours it was also okay to invite all girls/boys instead of the entire class and the policy was only for grades 0-6. I think it's an absolutely brilliant policy and wish more school had it. Fortunately it's very common in Denmark, and I'd actually never met anybody who didn't think it was a good policy until this thread!

I went to private school from grade 4 on- same rule.

[bonyk]

Here's how to get around the no contact for a school friend problem:

Type up a little sheet of paper:  Hello, my name is Name.  I'm Child'sMom.  Our number and address is ___________________________.  Would it be possible to give us your number and address so that we can plan playdates in the future?  Thanks!

Then attach a blank piece of paper for them to write their info on.  Have kid give them out to the few people he wants at the party.  It's not an invite, and the kids won't be interested in it because there's no pretty pics on it.  It's what I suggest to parents in my classroom who express frustration. 

If you don't hear back from them on this, you prob wouldn't get an RSVP either.