Sorry, the party is over now. Bubbye.

[TootsNYC]

Interesting that there was an arts & crafts table--I think if I'd been presented with that, like your friend I wouldn't have felt I could say no and send them away, but I would probably have sent them there when they asked about goody bags. "No, but you can do the craft!"

And I'd have also been directing them to the birthday girl as well.

[Sophia]

...Type up a little sheet of paper:  Hello, my name is Name.  I'm Child'sMom.  Our number and address is ___________________________.  Would it be possible to give us your number and address so that we can plan playdates in the future?  Thanks!...

Brilliant!

...If you don't hear back from them on this, you prob wouldn't get an RSVP either.

This thought needed it's own praise, and it totally makes sense. 

[kherbert05]

Friend didn't know them, they are from her daughter's class and she has to invite the entire class.  Needless to say, I think she will turn them away at the door next time.  Hopefully. She is too nice. (I told her that too)


ETA:  I mean if they did that again, come late.

Says who? The school? The school has the right to dictate with whom its students associate when they're not in school? I understand it's rude to talk about a party around those not invited but kids can be taught discretion.

Usually that rule is actually "If you are going to hand out invitations at school you must either invite all the girls, all the boys, or everyone." It keeps the teacher from having to be the "bad guy". Because of some court rulings, most if not all public schools around here have stopped putting out school directories. When I as little you could opt out, but we had a directory with everyone's name, address, and phone number. 


Loren's and Brett's previous school had a rule that if you invited 1 child from the school you had to invite the whole grade level. It ticked sis off because her BFF from age of 2 had a daughter in the school. Even though their friendship predated attending the school by decades, she couldn't invite BFF's daughter without inviting the whole grade. The weird thing was the classes didn't mix. They even had different recess times. So Loren had kids at her party she didn't know. Most of the parents solved the problem by agreeing to decline invitations from the other class, unless the kids actually knew each other.You couldn't even do a girl's only party. It was a private school and in the handbook. I know some parents were working to change that especially because the  girls in Loren's grade were starting to want sleep over parties.  It was a minor reason a bunch of families left the school (a big tuition increase was the other)

[LeveeWoman]

The school my son attends has never had such a policy.

[Zilla]

Interesting that there was an arts & crafts table--I think if I'd been presented with that, like your friend I wouldn't have felt I could say no and send them away, but I would probably have sent them there when they asked about goody bags. "No, but you can do the craft!"

And I'd have also been directing them to the birthday girl as well.

The birthday girl came up by me when they came in.  Instead of greeting her is when they asked for the cake.  She stayed by me a few more minutes and then went back to the one table we hadn't packed up yet, which was the crafts.  (it was a circus themed party with tables of games etc)  I don't think it would have been a good idea to offer them to stay longer than necessary.


I went to both private and public schools as well as my kids.  Every school I had been in all had the same policy, if invites are handed out at school, every kid or all gender had to be invited.  I am okay with this policy.  If you wanted to invite just a few kids, then have kid ask for their phone number. 




At the last school I attended, the school issued a class directory sheet.  I loved it.  It said on the top that if you entered your info on this optional class list, it would be given to all parents in the class.  I loved loved loved this idea.

[SPuck]

Usually that rule is actually "If you are going to hand out invitations at school you must either invite all the girls, all the boys, or everyone." It keeps the teacher from having to be the "bad guy". Because of some court rulings, most if not all public schools around here have stopped putting out school directories. When I as little you could opt out, but we had a directory with everyone's name, address, and phone number. 


Loren's and Brett's previous school had a rule that if you invited 1 child from the school you had to invite the whole grade level. It ticked sis off because her BFF from age of 2 had a daughter in the school. Even though their friendship predated attending the school by decades, she couldn't invite BFF's daughter without inviting the whole grade. The weird thing was the classes didn't mix. They even had different recess times. So Loren had kids at her party she didn't know. Most of the parents solved the problem by agreeing to decline invitations from the other class, unless the kids actually knew each other.You couldn't even do a girl's only party. It was a private school and in the handbook. I know some parents were working to change that especially because the  girls in Loren's grade were starting to want sleep over parties.  It was a minor reason a bunch of families left the school (a big tuition increase was the other)

Seriously, how big were the grade levels? I can't imagine inviting more than 50 kids to a children's party.

[Hmmmmm]

Here's how to get around the no contact for a school friend problem:

Type up a little sheet of paper:  Hello, my name is Name.  I'm Child'sMom.  Our number and address is ___________________________.  Would it be possible to give us your number and address so that we can plan playdates in the future?  Thanks!

Then attach a blank piece of paper for them to write their info on.  Have kid give them out to the few people he wants at the party.  It's not an invite, and the kids won't be interested in it because there's no pretty pics on it.  It's what I suggest to parents in my classroom who express frustration. 

If you don't hear back from them on this, you prob wouldn't get an RSVP either.

I'm really curious.  Every school (private and public) my children attended had a student directory.  Parents knew that unless they opted out, the minimum information that would be published was the parent's name, home address, and home phone number.  They could opt to include additional info like a second patent address or cell numbers and email addresses.  Only about 10% of families opted to not have their info published, with the majority adding cell and email.

Is this not the norm in other areas?

[Hollanda]

How bloody rude.

[JenJay]

How I hope I would have handled it:

Late Girls: Can we have some cake?
Me: I'm sorry, there isn't any more cake. The party is over.
LG: But we just want some cake. You must have more!
Me: No, sorry, the party is over. The cake is gone.
LG: Can we have our goodie bags?
Me: At the end of the party I gave the extra goodie bags away, sorry.
LG: But Those were ours!
Me: You didn't come so I gave them away. I need to finish cleaning up now. Goodbye.

[Miss March]

So I take it that they didn't drop off a gift for the birthday girl, they just wanted cake and favors?

[LeveeWoman]

Interesting that there was an arts & crafts table--I think if I'd been presented with that, like your friend I wouldn't have felt I could say no and send them away, but I would probably have sent them there when they asked about goody bags. "No, but you can do the craft!"

And I'd have also been directing them to the birthday girl as well.

The birthday girl came up by me when they came in.  Instead of greeting her is when they asked for the cake.   She stayed by me a few more minutes and then went back to the one table we hadn't packed up yet, which was the crafts.  (it was a circus themed party with tables of games etc)  I don't think it would have been a good idea to offer them to stay longer than necessary.


I went to both private and public schools as well as my kids.  Every school I had been in all had the same policy, if invites are handed out at school, every kid or all gender had to be invited.  I am okay with this policy.  If you wanted to invite just a few kids, then have kid ask for their phone number. 




At the last school I attended, the school issued a class directory sheet.  I loved it.  It said on the top that if you entered your info on this optional class list, it would be given to all parents in the class.  I loved loved loved this idea.

Did your friend witness this?

[SoCalVal]

While, personally, I couldn't imagine allowing in anyone who would show up after the party was over and then asked to be invited in, I totally could see DF doing that if I were not around since he grew up with a swinging door on his house (meaning people came over ALL.THE.TIME uninvited -- even helped themselves to the food in the kitchen).  Since I know DF would feel a bad host or, worse, a bad Christian, for not offering his hospitality when asked for it, he would feel obligated to let these people in.  He also would've given the balloons and apologized for not having more goody bags.  Me?  Not so much (but, again, they would've been turned away at the door -- fake-smile plastered on my face and saccharine-tone as I "apologize" and let them know that the party is over (DF wouldn't have seen a problem...but he's not the one who would've been involved in doing the bulk of the prep nor would he have realized that he was teaching his child that being polite to outsiders is more important than not letting them get away with hurting his child).

[Zilla]

Here's how to get around the no contact for a school friend problem:

Type up a little sheet of paper:  Hello, my name is Name.  I'm Child'sMom.  Our number and address is ___________________________.  Would it be possible to give us your number and address so that we can plan playdates in the future?  Thanks!

Then attach a blank piece of paper for them to write their info on.  Have kid give them out to the few people he wants at the party.  It's not an invite, and the kids won't be interested in it because there's no pretty pics on it.  It's what I suggest to parents in my classroom who express frustration. 

If you don't hear back from them on this, you prob wouldn't get an RSVP either.

I'm really curious.  Every school (private and public) my children attended had a student directory.  Parents knew that unless they opted out, the minimum information that would be published was the parent's name, home address, and home phone number.  They could opt to include additional info like a second patent address or cell numbers and email addresses.  Only about 10% of families opted to not have their info published, with the majority adding cell and email.

Is this not the norm in other areas?

We had those too but didn't receive them till about 4-5 months into the school year.  And you had to pay a dollar to put your information in the booklet.  Dd's last school did this but her current school does not.

[Zilla]

Interesting that there was an arts & crafts table--I think if I'd been presented with that, like your friend I wouldn't have felt I could say no and send them away, but I would probably have sent them there when they asked about goody bags. "No, but you can do the craft!"

And I'd have also been directing them to the birthday girl as well.

The birthday girl came up by me when they came in.  Instead of greeting her is when they asked for the cake.   She stayed by me a few more minutes and then went back to the one table we hadn't packed up yet, which was the crafts.  (it was a circus themed party with tables of games etc)  I don't think it would have been a good idea to offer them to stay longer than necessary.


I went to both private and public schools as well as my kids.  Every school I had been in all had the same policy, if invites are handed out at school, every kid or all gender had to be invited.  I am okay with this policy.  If you wanted to invite just a few kids, then have kid ask for their phone number. 




At the last school I attended, the school issued a class directory sheet.  I loved it.  It said on the top that if you entered your info on this optional class list, it would be given to all parents in the class.  I loved loved loved this idea.

Did your friend witness this?

I don't know 100 percent as I was cleaning up sideways to the girls but could see friend's daughter next to me.  But I do know after they left she remarked that they never approached her daughter.

[Barb3000]

I guess you should consider yourself lucky they did not demand ask you to go to the store to get some ice cream for their cake. Wow.