Wedding etiquette - To invite or not to invite?

[kudeebee]

A larger reception in home area following a small wedding elsewhere is fine. I have seen it happen many times.  However, the weddings in these cases were really small and generally only immediate family and maybe the bff/spouse.

How many "close" friends/family are you talking about?  A small group of 15 is probably okay as that would be the nearest and dearest.  Keeping it to immediate family, even if a bit more in number, is also okay.  If it is a much larger group and includes many friends, then it could look a list/b list even though the wedding is not in your area as some potential guests might have flown to Vegas for your wedding.  You don't want guests at the wedding looking at the video of the "small" wedding and realizing how many were really there and wondering why they didn't make the "cut". 

[kareng57]

A larger reception in home area following a small wedding elsewhere is fine. I have seen it happen many times.  However, the weddings in these cases were really small and generally only immediate family and maybe the bff/spouse.

How many "close" friends/family are you talking about?  A small group of 15 is probably okay as that would be the nearest and dearest.  Keeping it to immediate family, even if a bit more in number, is also okay.  If it is a much larger group and includes many friends, then it could look a list/b list even though the wedding is not in your area as some potential guests might have flown to Vegas for your wedding.  You don't want guests at the wedding looking at the video of the "small" wedding and realizing how many were really there and wondering why they didn't make the "cut".

I agree - I think that the numbers-margin would indicate whether it was an A/B list occasion.  If there were 40 people invited to the "real" wedding, and an additional 40 (total 80)  invited to the in-town reception, then that's a B list.

But I don't think that's what's happening here.  I'm one of the people here who really dislikes the idea of a B list - but I think that people can over-interpret this.  For example - a mid-afternoon wedding with an appetizer-reception that concludes well before dinnertime.  I don't see anything wrong with an intimate dinner following this - perhaps about 15 people, including the WP and the parents.  My assertion is that people will have to eat dinner at some point anyway, and this isn't an extravaganza with music and dancing.  But I've seen people here assert that that this is a "second reception" and therefore anyone who is not included was B listed.

I'm expressing this awkwardly - but when I say 15 people, I'm figuring that there might have been about 70 or more people at the reception.  If it was more like 40, then it gets trickier, I know.

[Danika]

Personally, I think I would *not* have the wedding video or photos available at the reception. Because in that case, it does say "I invited these people to this private event. You weren't invited. Look how much fun we had."

I would just have whatever event I wanted in Las Vegas and invite whomever I wanted. And then I wouldn't mention the details to those who were not invited. I would just say "We had a small wedding in Vegas, now we'd like to have a reception in Home Town to celebrate. You are invited to the reception" and I wouldn't mention the details of the wedding in Vegas.

[CakeEater]

Personally, I think I would *not* have the wedding video or photos available at the reception. Because in that case, it does say "I invited these people to this private event. You weren't invited. Look how much fun we had."

I would just have whatever event I wanted in Las Vegas and invite whomever I wanted. And then I wouldn't mention the details to those who were not invited. I would just say "We had a small wedding in Vegas, now we'd like to have a reception in Home Town to celebrate. You are invited to the reception" and I wouldn't mention the details of the wedding in Vegas.

I agree. If I hadn't been invited to the ceremony, I don't want to see everyone who was invited in a video. I really don't want to be sat down to watch a 20 minute video. I'd be wondering why you didn't just do it there.

[BlondeButBright]

"...If I hadn't been invited to the ceremony, I don't want to see everyone who was invited in a video. I really don't want to be sat down to watch a 20 minute video. I'd be wondering why you didn't just do it there."

I really hope our friends and family don't feel that way. That would make my fiance and I feel horrible. I would hope these people would know us well enough to know that we don't A list/B list the people we care about. It's simply a matter of finances (and some people we aren't inviting to Vegas are very elderly relatives who we know won't be able to travel). And I also hope no one would be put-out by seeing our ceremony video. I just thought that would be a nice way to start our reception, and then the DJ could announce the wedding party, and we'd all come dancing in. No?

[NyaChan]

I wouldn't feel badly about it or anything, but - If I came to the reception and you played the video of the ceremony to start things off,  the logical part of my brain would probably wonder why you didn't just do it there too.  My mind wouldn't go to A list/B list or think negatively you of, it would just be something that would occur to me.

[sparksals]

I don't know. Something about it seems off to me.

Isn't dinner and dancing exactly what a reception is? So, in that case, wouldn't you be having two receptions?

It just seems very A list/B list to me.

This would if the ceremony and reception were in the same city.  Since they are having a destination wedding, they are fine to have a later reception after the fact.  Nothing A/B list about that.

[sparksals]

There is nothing wrong with showing a short video or loop of the wedding in LV.  As long as the guest list is small, I don't see how people would be put out about not being invited. 

many complaints do we see here about being invited to a destination wedding and feeling put about about the expectation to attend and spend all that money? 

I would be perfectly happy to attend a reception and see a BRIEF video of the destination ceremony and events.   Sometimes people look for a reason to be offended when they wouldn't even be able to attend anyway b/c of the expense. 

[Danika]

I think it's a know-your-audience situation. For example:

...some people we aren't inviting to Vegas are very elderly relatives who we know won't be able to travel...

I hope you can somehow communicate this to them. One of my DH's good friends got married, in Vegas (we're 800 miles away), and I was pregnant and the due date was their wedding date. Knowing this, they didn't invite us. But I would have liked to have the invitation so that I could look at it, and admire how pretty it might be, and still feel included and send an RSVP card. I was sad they just didn't invite us because they knew we couldn't make it. Slightly sad - not tearful and hurt - I completely understood, but I would have liked to get an invitation all the same.

[Ehelldame]

Please shift this discussion over the Ehells sister site,  www.weddinghellsbells.com/smf/   

Thread closed.