Author Topic: The. Very. Nerve. (BG in Post #15, Updates in post 66 and 68 [!])  (Read 17286 times)

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Danika

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Re: The. Very. Nerve. (BG in Post #15, Updates in post 66 and 68 [!])
« Reply #75 on: October 12, 2012, 04:39:00 PM »
Her line of thinking reminds me of when little kids fight:

KidOne screams: "Yes!"
KidTwo screams: "No!"
KidOne screams: "Yes!"
KidTwo screams: "No!"

You'll get into a never-ending battle with the illogic if you try to engage. Do not engage the crazy! Step away! Save your sanity.

The others are right. Block her phone numbers. Block her email address. Keep your doors locked.

Then, go think of something nice and relaxing and play with DD.

GSNW

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Re: The. Very. Nerve. (BG in Post #15, Updates in post 66 and 68 [!])
« Reply #76 on: October 12, 2012, 04:42:02 PM »
Definitely ignore and block at this stage!  You have extended as much courtesy and politeness as can reasonably expected, and you don't owe her a further explanation or rationalization.  Your DD, your family, your decision, end of story.

yokozbornak

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Re: The. Very. Nerve. (BG in Post #15, Updates in post 66 and 68 [!])
« Reply #77 on: October 12, 2012, 04:42:30 PM »
I agree that you should not respond and block contact.  If she does show up at your house, call the police.  You have told her you want no contact, and it this point you don't owe her anything. 

LEMon

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Re: The. Very. Nerve. (BG in Post #15, Updates in post 66 and 68 [!])
« Reply #78 on: October 12, 2012, 05:02:31 PM »
Call me 'highly cynical' but I think this has more to do with the work/money that she hopes to get from you.  Remember that awesome opportunity she offered at the beginning.  A part of me thinks she is hoping your daughter's response to her will make you take her up on that deal.

No response = the best response.

buvezdevin

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Re: The. Very. Nerve. (BG in Post #15, Updates in post 66 and 68 [!])
« Reply #79 on: October 12, 2012, 05:06:01 PM »
Agree with others, but I don't see that OP ever stated/wrote the desire for no further contact in an email or other message which OP sent.  Other than an implied lack of desire to resume contact by not leaping at the opportunity to pay the woman to spend time with OP's daughter on the woman's terms.

Never refuse to do a kindness unless the act would work great injury to yourself, and never refuse to take a drink -- under any circumstances.
Mark Twain

NutMeg

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Re: The. Very. Nerve. (BG in Post #15, Updates in post 66 and 68 [!])
« Reply #80 on: October 12, 2012, 05:24:55 PM »
You didn't want to reply in the first place, but you sent a short clear message. Don't dilute that message by responding again. She has the power to upset you with just an email. Take that away from her. You are creating a more peaceful and secure environment for you and your family, and you don't need to explain that to her.
"You're hostages! This is a life-and-death situation here. Start acting like it! We're your captors. We're armed. There's rules. There's a whole school of etiquette to this!" - Dr. Daniel Jackson                

weeblewobble

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Re: The. Very. Nerve. (more background in Post #15, Update in post 66, 68[!])
« Reply #81 on: October 12, 2012, 05:42:10 PM »
**NEW UPDATE**

The fun never ends. She's upset now at the message that we don't want to see her anymore. She says that her son (13 years old) is "devastated that we won't see DD anymore" and that she doesn't "understand our family's apparent decision to cut off contact." She even had the nerve to lecture ME on not breaking my daughter's heart. As if we are pining away for her? I don't get it!

What do I do now? She obviously doesn't get the hint that we aren't going to meet with her. Here is what I propose as my response:

"I need to think about DD now.

It wasn't easy to explain to her why you suddenly weren't there anymore. It took us awhile to settle into a good routine for her. I do not want to confuse her.

You said in your previous email that you understand if we want no further contact. Please respect my wishes. Thank you."

No response.  Every time you respond, you are prolonging this interaction.  You know you're not breaking DD's heart, so why tell the babysitter this?  She's only trying to guilt you into responding and possibly bending to her will.  She doesn't have to understand why you're breaking off contact.  Your family, your child, your decision.  If she doesn't like it, she shouldn't have behaved so flakily and selfishly.

Lexophile

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Re: The. Very. Nerve. (BG in Post #15, Updates in post 66 and 68 [!])
« Reply #82 on: October 12, 2012, 05:58:18 PM »
Agree with others, but I don't see that OP ever stated/wrote the desire for no further contact in an email or other message which OP sent.  Other than an implied lack of desire to resume contact by not leaping at the opportunity to pay the woman to spend time with OP's daughter on the woman's terms.

This is the crux of my struggle right now. I was hoping to avoid coming right out and saying that she is no longer welcome in our lives. I thought my message was pretty clear, but apparently, she's going to be outraged with anything less than, "Oh! Please come back to us pleasepleaseplease!"

That's the only impetus I had for sending a response at all. I want her to understand - unequivocally - that we will never, ever want her back again. But I feel like answering her now would only incite another bombastic email and open myself up to the kind of emotional abuse I'm trying to move past.

So I guess I've elected to block and ignore. I don't think she'd show up here at the house because it's kind of far from hers, but DD's teachers are on alert not to allow her near my daughter if she "drops by" at school.
"Submission to what people call their 'lot' is simply ignoble. If your lot makes you cry and be wretched, get rid of it and take another." - Elizabeth von Arnim

MyFamily

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Re: The. Very. Nerve. (BG in Post #15, Updates in post 66 and 68 [!])
« Reply #83 on: October 12, 2012, 06:08:17 PM »
You know, somehow I thought this was a young woman, maybe in her early 20's, since she is very similar to my niece who is that age*.  Finding out she has a 13 year-old child sort of made me go 'whuhhh'.  Combine that with the idea that she was so awful when you were dealing with a wildfire near your home just makes me angry on your behalf.

I think ignoring her is the best thing to do.  She is wrong.  The best thing for your daughter is to keep her out of your lives.  And if she used her 13 year old son to try to convince you to see her again so that she can get some partial employment from you, then she is not the person to watch your child because she will use your child to achieve her own needs.  If she could do it to hers, she'll do it to yours.

Ignore and block her emails.

*And now I pray even harder that my niece actually outgrows this stage and doesn't turn into this 10 or more years down the road.


"The test of good manners is to be patient with bad ones" - Solomon ibn Gabirol

otterwoman

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Re: The. Very. Nerve. (BG in Post #15, Updates in post 66 and 68 [!])
« Reply #84 on: October 12, 2012, 06:33:53 PM »
I'd send the email stating not to ever contact you again, clearly stated. Then, when she does, and you know she will, you will have the email trail to show to the police.

buvezdevin

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Re: The. Very. Nerve. (BG in Post #15, Updates in post 66 and 68 [!])
« Reply #85 on: October 12, 2012, 06:36:10 PM »

...So I guess I've elected to block and ignore...

Good!  Do not feel badly about this, at least across the Internet it definitely seems best for you and your family. 
Never refuse to do a kindness unless the act would work great injury to yourself, and never refuse to take a drink -- under any circumstances.
Mark Twain

Amara

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Re: The. Very. Nerve. (BG in Post #15, Updates in post 66 and 68 [!])
« Reply #86 on: October 12, 2012, 07:36:28 PM »
I agree with all the previous posters that it is best to block and ignore any and all attempted contacts from her. If you did send a final message I would keep it very, very brief and blunt: "We will not be using your services in the future. Do not contact us again." But I would still vote for the block/ignore option instead.

still in va

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Re: The. Very. Nerve. (more background in Post #15, Update in post 66, 68[!])
« Reply #87 on: October 12, 2012, 07:54:14 PM »
**NEW UPDATE**

The fun never ends. She's upset now at the message that we don't want to see her anymore. She says that her son (13 years old) is "devastated that we won't see DD anymore" and that she doesn't "understand our family's apparent decision to cut off contact." She even had the nerve to lecture ME on not breaking my daughter's heart. As if we are pining away for her? I don't get it!

What do I do now? She obviously doesn't get the hint that we aren't going to meet with her. Here is what I propose as my response:

"I need to think about DD now.

It wasn't easy to explain to her why you suddenly weren't there anymore. It took us awhile to settle into a good routine for her. I do not want to confuse her.

You said in your previous email that you understand if we want no further contact. Please respect my wishes. Thank you."

i think i would have to be real honest and really strong with my reply to this, Lex.  something along the lines of:

"you will have to deal with your son's disappointment.  that is not my responsibility, it is yours.  i am not responsible for your child.  my daughter is not heartbroken in the least that you are no longer a part of her life.  she has settled in very well with the new child support system and schooling that we have put into place following your sudden departure, with no notice, a month ago.

i have returned the belongings that you left in our home, and you have admitted that you have received them.  this ends our association.  do not contact us again in any format.  do not call, e-mail, come to our home or to DD's school.  any further attempt on your part to communicate with us will be ignored.  as previously conveyed to you, we have no desire to continue our association with you."

Danika

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Re: The. Very. Nerve. (BG in Post #15, Updates in post 66 and 68 [!])
« Reply #88 on: October 12, 2012, 09:35:13 PM »
I think I'm having still in va compose my email replies from now on. I try too hard to be thoughtful of others' feelings even if they've trampled all over mine. still in va's response is not rude or mean. It's just factual. If I were to reply (I don't know if I'd waste the electrons or my own energy), I would go with that.  :D

johelenc1

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Re: The. Very. Nerve. (BG in Post #15, Updates in post 66 and 68 [!])
« Reply #89 on: October 12, 2012, 09:45:35 PM »
If the babysitter had wanted to respond in a way that would have helped her situation, she could have expressed gladness that DD was doing well, sadness she wouldn't see her again,  promises to think of their time together fondly and hope that if OP changed her mind or needed anything in the future, OP could let her know.  Then she should have wished OP and DD the best and been done.

What she did is shoot herself in the foot.

I was sympathetic to the babysitter in the beginning, but now, I wouldn't respond at all.  You may get a few more emails, but I doubt she will show up at your house.