They can go from 0 to crazy in 60 seconds or less.
They have no idea of boundaries. Why should they, they're kids! Case in point: DS told the whole of the bus that he can poo on his potty now. I wasn't embarrassed or anything...given I have this conversation with him daily and I am now desensitised to it.
Kids can be loveable one minute and demons the next. DS likes giving me "little" kisses (just a liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitle one
, Mummy, really little" using his finger and thumb to demonstrate how small the kiss is going to be)...he then takes my face, kisses me very, very softly on the lips and then hugs me. Two minutes later, he "tickles" me, and ends up ripping my poor face to ribbons (despite cutting his nails every 2 days or so, they grow rapidly and if you're not careful they end up like razors). His "tickling" involves grabbing and scratching. Hard. Ow.
Mornings can be the best. No, not being sarcastic...mornings with a kid are fun. Fun from the minute they bound chirpily into your bedroom and rouse you from a peaceful sleep by shouting "MUMMY WAKE UP NOW!!!" If you don't wake up immediately
, said child then tries every imaginable trick, including:
- opening your eyes manually with both his hands, forcing you to look at him through a sleep-filled, bleary gaze. This hurts. Really hurts.
- repeatedly shouting "MUMMY WAKE UP NOW I WANT FOOD!!!"
- sticking his tongue in Mummy's ear. This is horrible and has the desired effect.
- sticking a finger up your nose. This, too, is horrible.
- pretending to bite your nose.
Once downstairs with child, then comes the amusement of the breakfast routine, which changes just as you have become used to the previous one. At the moment, he wants his cereal in a bowl, with the milk in a cup. Got it? NO MILK ON THE CEREAL. Ok. If any milk comes into contact with the cereal, the whole lot is on the floor and the cycle begins again. He carries his cereal bowl to "the other room" and Mummy carries his cup. The cup is set down to his right. His Thomas spoon is a necessity, without it he will surely die. Or just scream until Mummy washes it.
- Apple juice and apple squash are not and will never be the same thing. Apple juice is something to be detested and avoided at all costs, whereas apple juice is delicious. Apples themselves are to be thrown on the ground and not even considered. Same with orange juice. However, pieces of orange are better than biscuits, but not as good as raisins.
- Your phone is no longer yours. Your iPad is no longer yours. Everything is for your child's amusement or development. You might as well kiss the TV remote goodbye for good. Or just until they go to sleep.
- You find that days without a nap are infintely harder and slower than they were when they used to have naps. That nap was when you got everything done. Without the nap, it's just one long slog. Only it's somehow not, because the time conspires against you when you have housework, ironing, washing up and everything else to do whilst your toddler creates mayhem as fast as you're cleaning it.
- Wine is no longer a luxury, but a necessity.
- No matter how bad things feel, our kids are still the best things ever to happen to us and once they are safely cocooned in bed, it's easier to laugh and smile.